Sunday, August 17, 2008

Hard moving on...

It is evident that we both have to move on, but it is still hard when you really love someone. You know you are going to miss those soft moments after fajr where you rested your head in her lap. You will miss those mornings cuddling with little ones in between. You will miss her quirky ways and insecurities, the promises of growing old together in each others arms. Sitting back watching the Notebook and thinking that our love is like theirs. I will miss holding her little hands and looking into her big eyes. I will miss the good cooking she gave me. I will miss all of that, but as the days become weeks and the weeks become months and the months become years those memories will fade as that is the way of the Insan (mankind). We forget and as I go on and grow in my faith I may be blessed to never feel this pain again, but I love her and that is all. My heart is too open and has expanded too much, I am an open page. I was told that I must control it and train it not to love her so much, but I will not do that as I have done that before with my first wife and it only inhibited my ability to love. No I will keep on loving her and I will expand my breast for those who have trespassed me and I will pray for them and I will pray that Allah increase me, for one day there will be a use for this big heart and there will be one who will appreciate it. Ameen.


  1. Muhammad,

    I read what Sakinah has written and to be honest it counds like a HUGE misunderstanding that unfortunately escalated into something so dramatic the police got involved. I think if you both could sit down with lawyers/mediators (in a supervised setting) you can probably work things out. Why don't you give it a shot. She doesn't sound like a woman who wants to bury you.

    Salaam Alikum,

  2. I know his wife well and she loves him very much. She doesn't want any bad for him. All she is asking for is equal time with her children. The sad truth is if they had time to themselves away from the negative peolpe they could probably make it work. You know the saying "Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen Spoil the Broth". It's true.

  3. My Dad told us that the thing that usually keeps people from reconciliation is pride. I think that possibly amongst other things that is the case in this situation. Both said it is not for me to bend, I have bent far enough and we bent until we broke. I know that I swallowed a lot of pride, I think that it was my turn, and when I stopped eating my pride sandwich that is when the bubble burst. Now it seems that we are having prayer wars, I am not playing any games I am not that wise, I have given everything to Allah and I expect the best of outcomes and only Allah knows what is best for His servants. I only pray for understanding and patience.

    She took oaths of Honesty more than once that the curse of Allah be upon her if she lied. It is possible that she didn't, but Allah works His plans subtlety and completely. I see things moving into place around us and I still want to shield her from the storm I see on the horizon, but my hands are tied and I cannot protect her, but the fulfillment of Allah's plan is in effect. What I have to understand is that it is in effect regardless of where the children live, what the outcome of my trials are, what the judge says or what Sakinah does we can rest assured that it will all be in the plan of Allah and it will work the best for the souls involved.

    I cannot see into my wife's heart. I imagine that it is turning over regardless of the smile she shows the world, whether it is for me or for herself. I know she is hurting, as I am hurting. We will never be together again and that is a painful thought.

    This affair is totally Allah's and I can only think that Allah has it lined up for justice. There was nothing much in the way of reconciliation. The last thing holding back reconciliation were two words to my mother "I'm Sorry" yet they were never uttered even though there was plenty enough time for it to happen. 2 words from complete reconciliation and it became evident that they weren't coming. So it is obvious to me that this whole situation and divorce was constructed by Allah.

    She made dua and so did I. Before going to her house I made a simple dua O Allah protect me in Mind and Body and as the fire of desire boiled in both of us, but nothing ever happened, but it could have been one-sided Allahu Alim. So we must wait to see what is the outcome of this whole situation for this is only the dawn of Allah's plan and the sun has not yet risen on this matter.

    I pray for patience and Afia, please pray with us and for us.