Sunday, February 22, 2009

Lessons from the front

The status of my blog is up in the air. Will it live on or will it die. It may not die, but it may cease to be public. It is probably not very wise to let every Jinn in Blogland know what you are doing. As if they didn't have enough information already. As of today the blog will live on indefinitely. She issued the edict to file the papers and I can understand where she is coming from. I have strained to understand this situation from day one and today I am only at a fraction of where I would like to be in this.

In moving on I will have to walk very lightly. Holding my Quran in one hand and trying to define the lines of faith which were so clearly once marked. My wife is no longer my shield for it is possible that she will cease being my wife. Now I walk naked, but the desires that were once there are no more so I have no excuse of keeping chaste. He has made it easy for me. I have nothing to offer anyone. So alone I will be until I do. I'd like to think I would net about $10K a month before that thought seriously crosses my mind. It is possibly my insecurities for that. I have no complaints. I have found true love and lost it (possibly) and there are many others that do not reach true love. So I at least know what it is like to truly be in love. Alhamdulillah.

What ended it is what ends most of the relationships, Communication, insecurity, fear, panic, anger, resentment, lack of respect. The list goes on but these are the top reasons. I'm too sleepy now to elaborate maybe I will try again later.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Really at peace

The ultimate end of this whole situation is boiling down. If it ends without her I will give you a very brief summary of what happened leaving out massive details, if it ends with her then this blog will probably end. I know what I want to do, but I am fine either way. However it ends I am prepared to move on. I feel like pushing it off the edge just to get it over with. It needs to be over with and I wonder am I being patient or just not assertive and I suppose there are times where being assertive or waiting and seeing what is going to happen have their place. I would like to just get it over with one way or another. I believe that I know how it is going to end, but I am just waiting to see. I am looking at this current time kind of sort of like watching a movie I have already seen, but I sit patiently so that the other person can enjoy the full effect of my surprise. The only way that I will be surprised is if we are watching the directors cut alternate ending without me knowing.

I am at peace though I have me and my Rabb and that is all that I need. helps too. A lot in fact. Stay tuned this cliff hanger will be over soon.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Thug Dawah

You have to listen to this.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Necessary Silence

As the dust begins to settle on this entirely jacked up situation I see a necessary need to keep a lid on progress and movements between Sakinah and I. Everything disturbs the water. Every breath, every word. Not to mention the Shayateen out there hanging on every word. It can end or go forward it is all within a state of mind. A test that I must go through, with patience and perseverance I know that my reality is pallatable. Today is a test and so is tomorrow a constant honing and shaping a better Muslim that is to be me. A more forgiving Muslim, A more patient Muslim, a Muslim imbued with more wisdom.

The immense nature of dependency on Allah that I have rolled into since on this journey has helped me immeasurably. My focus, my prayer, my worldview has really come about in this period of solitude. My mental state sometimes gets obscured, but all and all my hold onto the Rope is firm.

Monday, February 02, 2009


This is all I have to say about this whole ordeal.