Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Big Faith

I was searching around trying to find all of the people that link to me and I ran across this blog on polygyny and I must say that it is an excellent read. I encourage you to go there and read what the authors have to say. It is good stuff. I will be linking to them.

Oh yeah by the way all those people that link to Jamilah Lighthouse her site is down so update your links.

There's one more guy out there who links to me but no one has came to my blog from his for a while so It will take some time to find him.

Big Faith does have some linky doo problems. I would have commented on their site but I don't feel like getting a WordPress account. They have a link to a an article Contemplating on being a second wife that was well written by some South African brothers. Their link is messed up but this one works.

Letter man to the rescue.

I can't hold back I just wanna put an i in between those two words. Who was the villian in the Adventures of Letterman? I forget. Anyways an i in between those two words is irresistable for me. Photoshop here I come.
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Monday, August 27, 2007

Who were these Sahabas?

OH yeah I went there. In reference to Polygamy I have to ask. I was going to save this post for when Miraj finally answered my question but she never did so no Shah mat there. Darn. However I have to ask Who were these Sahabas? Who were the Sahabas that jumped onto the Polygamy bandwagon. Hmm? Some of you may know better than me, and Aoothubillah if I am going too far with this, but I have to say it. Of the Sahabas we know the well known ones which of those men enjoined polygamy? Prophet Muhammad enjoined on it for two reasons. A to join bonds of kinship for political reasons and B he was told to by Allah Subhannahu Wa taala. The ones that he was fond of were quickly ousted by your mother Aiesha usually by some form of intelligent trickery. Alhamdulillah. Learn from her girls and think outside the Bun.

However back to the question Who were these Sahaba? Were they the men who were striving hard for Jennah? No.
Was it Abu Bakr?
No, and he had the money at one point.
Was it Umar?
Ali? I've been corrected.
No. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Hassan and Hussein? Corrected again.
The brother who we get most of our Hadith from (his name completely slips my mind right now)
Ah yes Abu Hurairah
The four rightly guided Imams

So who then Who are these Sahaba?
Well ladies and gents these Sahaba are precisely the ones that would have second wives today. We forget that Islam is for all times and all climes. We can't just say that because we are driving Benz's and Lexus' that the Times have changed and they don't make men like that anymore. No, Humanity hasn't changed. What is going on now was going on then and for whatever reason Allah saw fit not to outlaw it altogether. That is a reality that we have to submit to.

You knew who you married before you married him. Was he assiduously studying to become a learned man of Islam or was he just an ordinary Joe? Was he serious on the Deen or did he have Nafsi issues? Look at the men above and where their focus was and then look at your husband. I have to include myself in that because I am one of those P desirous husbands. I strive in my desire of P to make it fair and equitable for all involved. (YES my P door is shut, shut I tell you.) However it will remain a weakness within me unless my whole being reaches a point of those brothers above where I desire the hereafter so much more than I desire this life. Those brothers listed above their focus was not in Dunya it was in the hereafter and they only took from this world what they needed and that was all. Luxuries of life of the two base desires that Al Ghazali writes about the mouth and the private parts are the two weaknesses that should be contained. For someone to desire P he only needs to have a weakness in one of these areas to be vulnerable to the desire for P or just straight out Zinna. Humanity hasn't changed. What was important about the Deen then is the same that is important about the Deen today. Every decision you make the Deen should be considered first. If you can't say that it is then you have soul searching to do. Be that whether you decide to take a second wife or remain in a polygynous one you have to consider Deen first.

To enjoy marriage P or otherwise you must desire peace as your spouse/spouses should be cooling to your eyes and your home should be a place of rest and relaxation. If your decision for P is steeped in fitnah then you are doing a disservice to Deen and you leave your children, your wives, and yourself open to full frontal assault from the Shaytan. I know that there is wisdom in P I have seen it and you have seen it. Looking at Safa and many of the other sisters involved in P you see a strength that is admirable. We all look at Safa and pity her situation as dire as it is, but at the same time you see her strength, the development of her Deen, her dependence on Allah. If you go back a year you can see that she wasn't at this place in her Deen a year ago. She's grown and she's stronger, and that is admirable. Allah knows what he's doing let there be no doubt about that.

Just think about it. I know I'll have to chase around the net to find responses to this post and that is ok, but just know the same trifling a$$ men that we have today existed in the time of the Prophet. The more things change the more they stay the same.

I may never cook again.

Oh Yeah!!!

With all of my favorite foods for $24 bucks I may never cook again. All those boxes are fruit cups yum. These ones in this bottom picture are those yummy mandarin oranges in gel. I'd rather them in that syrup water-juice stuff but who's picky when you can get a whole case for like $2 bucks yeah. And then there's the popcorn. Fruit and popcorn. Hell I may not cook until I come home. I may be rail thin but who cares this stuff is yummy. The popcorn will keep me fat though and I don't know how many calories the "Lite" syrup has but that's what I'm gonna be eating so my wife will be happy to feed me once in a while. Yay.
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Sunday, August 26, 2007

Museum Trip

I went to the museum the other day with some guys from work. Like I said going from 50 pictures to 450 pictures is daunting so you won't see me post all of those pictures here. I will just put them on my web album and you can check them out over there. It is a lot of cutting and pasting involved to get those pics on my blog. It just makes it easy to put them all over there. I hope you like the trip to the museum.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

I think I love my Wife

Ok so I saw this movie with Chris Rock right and in the beginning He and his wife are in a counselors office and they are arguing about not having sex. I am completely floored. I'm always floored when I'm told that couples aren't having sex. That's like a neon sign above the house saying "Hey Shayateen right this way." Before I got married to my oh so beautiful and gorgeous wifee, we talked. About everything, polygamy, sex, children, frequency of sex, exes, weaknesses, strength, Deen I mean everything. I was up front that I was only 2.5 inches long and I hope that wasn't a problem. She assured me as long as I had skills elsewhere she could work with me LOL. I do I mean I can watch the kids, LOL. LOLOLOL!!!

Anyway So I'm watching this flick and the only thing that I could think about were holes. They had so many holes in their relationship. Their communication was shot, They couldn't relate to each other, they had lost the ability to think outside of the box. They didn't have any fun together and to top it all off they didn't have sex. They had no compassion for each others issues but they loved each other and that is all they had. Effectively they were functionally coexisting.

So who walks in? Shaytan himself in the form of an flame of an old friend and the fireworks started happening. I mean she pulls no punches she is like right out of the box the vixen from hell. You would have to be blind and in a coma to not get a woody from this girl. Look up the movie on IMDB and you will see who I'm talking about Kerry Washington is her name. Now most of the time when we guys get duped into extramarital relationships it isn't so blatant it is usually on a more casual level. I'm not talking about those of you who are just married to dogs there's no helping those guys. However those of you who are married to just regular guys this is the kind of stuff that sneaks in.

Now if you have holes in your relationship then that extra woman just comes in and fits like a glove and bam things start getting really complicated from that point. So then I started thinking about Safa. I don't know if I'm speaking out of place, my last update was that she won her husband back. Yay...Insha Allah. Stay tuned. So I was thinking about Safa and all she ever asked for was to be treated fairly, and receive back the love that she gave. She loved her husband and all she wanted was to be loved in return. I wonder if she would have complained so much if he truly tried to do everything to do right by her would she have felt so much pain? I pray if the day ever comes that I am tested with two wives I will be as fair as I am able. I would have to have a nightly ritual where I asked my wives if they were happy with me and if there was anything that I could do to make them feel better.

I truly believe that for polygamy to work the man has to have absolutely nothing to do with it. The prophet didn't have anything to do with taking his wives for the most part. I believe that it was out of Prophetic duty or a straightforward direction of Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta'ala. In modern times I don't think that the man should have anything to do with it either. I think it works better when women get together and decide who is going to be their co-wife. Women know their dynamics and what will work and what won't so they would be better suited to know what is best for the family and what just won't work. Men on the other hand usually look at the shiny new car, forgetting about the expensive insurance and upkeep bills only later to realize that he should have listened to his wife and got the Pickup truck.

I know that there are men out there that are panty sniffers and are going to do whatever they are going to do and their women will just have to go along. There are guys out there that are just trying to get all of the sex that they can get, and then there are those middle guys that are the family guy who love their wife, but get bitten by the polygamy bug. It is an intoxicating drink let me tell you. I don't think that there is quite a level of euphoria equal to some woman (other than your wife) saying how much she needs you. It is an incredible high let me tell you (if women are his weakness). So girls let me tell you whatever his weakness is you want to keep open your lines of communication and do not let any holes form in your relationship. It is something that is very hard to do for some especially men who haven't learned to "communicate" yet. It isn't easy let me tell you that is one of the reasons I love my wife so much because she saw that barrier in me and broke it down. Now all of our holes are filled.

I had a saddening run in with some of my coworkers. One of them had a similar name of a famous porn producer. These are young chaps so they were telling about the lies that they had to tell to get into girls panties, which could be expected at their age. That was not the problem as I saw it, because frankly there are enough girls their age trying to do the same thing. What I found disturbing was the complete disregard and disconnection of feeling and emotion. The utter downplay of these women of even being human that was so disturbing to me. They called them stupid and mindless and a sortie of other names I'm not going to repeat here. I have to admit at first there was the BI cheer-on but as they kept talking I just wanted to vomit. I was so saddened after listening to them I just had to say Astaghfirallah what is the world coming to.

Then I reflected on the whole swingers bit. I couldn't be a swinger. Yes I enjoy sex and all, and I could probably hold my own with multiple partners, but I couldn't be involved in a loveless exchange. In the BI (Before Islam) I had a couple one nighters and frankly it sucked. It was just so empty I couldn't possibly get any pleasure out of that lifestyle. I need connection something of deep emotional value for it to be worth it. Without that there is nothing but shame and disappointment. Sadly not a lot of people learn that until later on in life and by then they are too jaded to care. Whenever you are involved with someone they take a piece of you. You can't get that piece back it is theirs forever and ever. For so many women by the time they meet Mr. Right they only have a shred of heart left if they are lucky.

Men truly are the protectors and maintainers of women. My wife told me once a long time ago before the P door was closed that if we were wealthy I probably would have my quota of four because she has so many friends in bad situations that she would do that just so that they wouldn't feel that pain. She is such a sweet lady. She has a friend who was swindled out of $5K and had her heart broken. She cried to her wolf and now he's back asking for more cash and I'll bet he's calling her as stupid B while he laughs into the phone. THAT type of man makes me want to go and get a bat and meet him coming out of the club. That friend of hers has had it hard, all she needs is for someone to love her and just truly love her. Poor thing. Her situation pisses me off though.

I have more pics. I got a new camera and I have been snapping away. I got the Nikon D40. I haven't posted any of them because unlike my first little camera insted of 50 pics or so in a day I'm snapping away like 450 so It would take a while to go through and pic the best ones to post to my Picasa web album account. It only gives you a Gig which is about 600 pics. So I would be full of my quota in about a day or so. So I now have to be really picky about what I put on there or upgrade my account which I'm not ready to do.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The Return of Jesus

I was watching Breach last night and I began to think. With the current state of affairs exactly how would Allah have Jesus (on him be peace) protect himself when he came back? Islam is relatively weak right now and the conflicts that are going on all over the world make it difficult to have the entire world rally around one cause and by then probably more of the world will have gotten the American disease of this has two weeks to wow me.

So I was thinking as I watched this show or actually after it what kind of stuff would Isa (on him be peace) have to protect himself with. Well obviously there is the prayer no doubt. However I thought that the ultimate leave me alone or I will really give it to you is to have him just start spewing national secrets of nations and tell them to leave him alone or else. Like it would be completely uncanny of him to recall down to the last pen-stroking detail the plans and the policy behind Abu Ghraib like who knew what and when. What people ate for dinner what they told each other in secret meetings stuff that only them and God would know. Could you imagine the head hunting that would throw the entire clandestine world into a tailspin. If he came out with detail verifiable facts about who killed Kennedy down to the very file number. And finally just completely blow all of their plans out of the water by telling step by step information of the steps that they were taking to kill him down to peoples names and where they are and who they were talking to. I would suppose a few verifiable examples from him would have people stand the hell down and let him do his thing.

Like Mr President I need you out of Iraq because if you don't then I'll tell the world how you swindled the American public out of two elections with your help from Haliburton and their connected allies. Your contact of William Smith can verify this information with the stuff that's in his laptop filed under Excitement for Dummies. And no Seal Team 5 that has just been recalled is not going to be successful in their mission in Afghanistan They are currently at this GPS location doing some stuff that they shouldn't be doing and they are going to need to stop that or I'll tell the world about that time that you had too much to drink and you let your boys convince you that it would be a good thing to be mounted by an Mexican Donkey. Is there anything else you would like me to tell the world or are you going to stand down?

That would be so cool.

Shout outs and pouring Rasberry Juice out for my missing homies.

Well I would like to say thanks to all for coming by my blog. It is true the more you blog the more visitors you have. I suppose also it would help being linked to by other people around the web. If you are out there and you link to me I suppose the proper thing to do is to return the favor, because God knows that technocrati sucks at racking up all of the people that link to me.

First a shout out to my regulars many of which are on the left hand side and if not I shout out to you anyway. Or as Dave Chappele would say Let me Holla, ...Holla, Holla, Holla, Holla, Holla.

I wanna send shout outs to Milwaukee, Wisconsin I know they are visitin. Sup
Kalamazoo Michican,
Metairie LA
Canada Montreal or Montral however it is said.
Chino Cali
Indonesia and Malaysia
Reston, VA

Peeps I'm missin
The university student in Canada
The Girl from Hayward California
Minnesota both locations.

You all will be missed. So everybody stay tuned I hope to tune you all in to the soulful sounds of relationships working, maybe say a joke or two and put a smile on your face.

Live life and love it. If the day is over the worst is in the past and tomorrow is a brighter future.

Some of my East Coast regulars.

For the financially challenged.

You can still pimp your Benz. You can pick up this baby for about $12K. All you need are them spinnin' rims and man you are set!!

...And I will call him Squishy. And he will be my Squishy and I will love him and hold him, and squeeze him, and rub him...

Yes that is a real Benz.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Grab shots of the night

From an overpass in Manama.

These shots work a whole lot better with more traffic.

This is a cool fountain, I don't know why they waste all of that energy putting water in the air.

I found out why my pics were so red at the fort. I have to learn more about white balance the first pic is with the evaluate white balance setting and the second is with auto white balance.

Keep 'em cumming

I love Reuters oddly enough stories. This one is about swingers and the business that they generate. Talk about a Trojan man fest. In our country sex is big business and you wonder why family values and morals have such a hard time. In a few more years this swath of industry will create a powerful lobby and the nation will have to become swinger friendly and open hedonism will be less frowned upon. You gotta love the power of a buck.

It's the new Welfare System...Huh?

So in Dubai there is this geezer who wants to have 100 children before he passes or whatever. So he cycles through marrying wives impregnating them divorcing them and marrying over again. Now I would suppose if you bring it down to the basic elements he is paying for children. I would think that he would go to different places or have these women brought to him that are semi-impoverished and he pays a dowry I would hope and has as many kids as he can and then divorces them. How empty is that crap. To top this all off he's on Welfare...WTF over!!!! He's not even an oil Magnate. I'm floored. This is almost as bad as the Ghetto Sheiks of America who run around and "marry" up to four women as long as they are receiving government assistance and they dupe these poor girls of primarily low intelligence that this IS the Sunnah and then guilt them if they choose to not go along with it as being less than honorable Muslimahs.

I can see how anyone looking at P from the outside would be severely taken back from it and Islam altogether with gross breaches such as these.

Oh yeah the title is the link.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Seef Mall

Hanging out at the mall is an excersize in futility. It is a disheartening place as you see the gross excess of the Muslims here. Well I really don't know about that it is just different that I expected, that's all. The hijabs come off as soon as they are out of Saudi and it is all about flash. Maybe it is because I am at one of the most expensive malls on the Island. The Seef Mall. Insha Allah I will be able to get out and get some sleep, and head out to the country side later. I was looking for something however this for the most part has been an excersize in wasting time.

I smile when I watch the families though. Missing my own I suppose. I saw two people in a coffee shop that I sat in whilst typing a letter for my wife. One was a man who sat all alone and he looked pretty lonely and the other was a woman who sat relatively next to him and there was nothing that was said, and I wondered how is it that they make connections with each other. I suppose that the new imposed world of the west is something that socially could be catastrophic in terms of sheer lonliness and depression. The west with its disconnected families and society neglected coexistence. In the Gulf nations where male female contact is strictly forbidden as it should be there is a disconnect in terms of male female relationships. If a man doesn't have a good relationship with his mother and women of his extended family there is no way he will ever know how to relate to a woman.

Shaytan Loses a round!!

So I was having feelings the other day and just basking in the memories of my wife's affections and Shaytan comes to me and says hey why don't you email this girl and just ask how she's doing? Now this is one of those situations that I was speaking about where I would be weak in. He tried earlier with this other chick that I quickly closed the door on.

Here we have our cell phones assigned to us and the numbers don't change. So this asian girl calls me up at 2am half drunk and asks for the previous cell phones owner, and so I tell her that he's gone and this is no longer his number. So then she says oh really well what's your name? I decline to give her my name and summarily hang up. She texts me later with some of the individuals info. It falls on deaf ears. This happened during my really horny time. So I closed that door.

Shaytan then sends his minions to another door we will call her Mrs. M. Now Mrs M. is a senior ranking officer in the guard. She's physically fit, nice looking, and dying to get married. She stroked my ego on more than one occasion and she protected me from the wrath of my supervisor on more than one occasion. It may all be my ego but I think/ thought she had the hots for me. So opening that door would have meant I would have compromised our wall of protection. I sat on Shaytan's request for a couple of days rationalizing why I shouldn't tell my wife about it, and that I had the power to suppress it. So finally today I tell my wife that this was the issue and she said that the same thing happened to her too. She was presented with an opportunity to breach our wall and open a door that shouldn't be opened.

Now had we not communicated this there would be a potential one of us would be standing at the door holding it ajar waiting to get sidetracked by that unsuspecting phone call and then whoosh a hole bunch of Shayateen blow through the door like the wind hiding in every corner of our lives poised to wreak havoc. This is why I repeat over and over that communication is the most important thing that a relationship has. You must be able to tell your spouse anything, because this closes the door on Shaytan.

A'oothu billahi minashaytan ir Rajeem.

I don't like to gloat because Shaytan has been at this game longer than I have and he knows my weaknesses and I can only get ambushed by him so be careful of your enemy Shaytan and don't take him lightly.

Polygamy and Kibr

The little piece of my heart that is reserved for Safa broke today when I learned that she was getting divorced. My Dua went out to her and I felt so badly. I read her post and all I could see was her husband's Kibr and the overwhelming shame and thought of loss of another Muslim marriage going down the drain. The Shayateen were all laughing and rejoicing on the side. I threw rocks at them, but they made themselves ghostlike and the stones went right through them and they kept on rejoicing.

I felt her pain and internalized it to be my own. I reflected on her marriage and the pain that I read about on other P blogs and was overcome with sorrow. Briefly I revisited my aspirations of greatness in the belief that if there was a Muslim that could do it correctly I believe that I could be that one. However the odds are against me seeing as how Allah said that it could not be so, but for a moment I thought that I could singlehandedly console all of the brokenhearted sisters and bring peace amongst the Ummah, but such a thought is folly.

It is a sad day indeed as I mourn her loss. We are with you Safa, Me and my family. I would say that truly the man that takes you as a wife is a man that has attained a great treasure (and it can be said now that you are in your Iddah), but sadly that man can't be me and my family, but we are here for you if you need anything just ask my wife or myself and we will do our best to make this transition easy for you.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Bahrain Fort

I was out the other day just driving and getting lost and I arrived at the Bahrain Mosque. I will just share the pictures because unlike the US museums and such there is no guided tour. It is there and you walk around and you get out of it what you will. These are some of the select pictures the full album is at my online photo album. I hope you like them as much as I liked taking them. I hope to go to the Tree of life and maybe the Riffa fort sometime this weekend.

The Bahrain Fort at Sunset.

A view of old and new.

I suppose these are some sort of store houses or barracks or something. What I was curious about was that the fort appeared to be an edifice that they just dug a hole in the ground and supported that with stones and then lived in the center of that. Like unlike European forts there was no courtyard or walls like a box like structure where the inhabitants live down inside of the fort like a kitten in a box, rather everything was elevated with high walls around it and the living and everything was the same height as the surrounding earth outside of the fort. Further down I will explain what I mean.

Trying to master the shot.

I was a bit irritated with the color balance on a bit of my pics as they were too red and that isn't something that shows up in the little 2 x 2 viewfinder.

This was a shot that I was really trying to master. I have another pic that I really like. I think that I will have to get another tripod that allows me to zero-balance my camera. I have seen them with the little antifreeze filled level indicators. You will see what I mean when I post the shot further down.

You see here where there is where I am standing and then the trench around the fort down there where those lights are. I am almost equal with the height of the wall. If I was an Artillery person I would just lob bombs right there on the top of the fort. Or better yet just isolate the fort and do whatever else it was I wanted with the surrounding area. I never understood that about ancient warfare. Why would you waste so much time and resources attacking a fort when the entire region around it is unprotected territory? That just seems dumb. I'm going to lock myself in my house, Fine I'll take all the stuff around your house and everyone else's as well and when you all starve I'll take the fort. Duh.

This shot I really worked on and thought was cool of the lookout tower.

Here is a good picture of that trench I was talking about.

I took several pictures of this window to find the one that I liked best. I will probably crop this down for something else later.

Theres that trench again.

The front of the fort kind of looks like a little man.

I thought that this came out good. I want a camera with a better lens so that I can get more detail into it.

There is that lookout tower again.

This is the one that I liked best of those archways I was talking about earlier. Now you can see why I need a leveling tripod.

I took this one for artistic relief.

I went shopping and came home and I wanted to share this, that only in the middle east can you get such tasty treats. I don't think you can get tangerine Schweppe's in the states.

That's all for this photo tour. Hopefully I will have some none photographic entries so you don't have to wait forever to download my blog.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Holes and Pain

Yesterday I finally got to talk to my friend that has been with his wife of 17 years and they are doing the whole P thing. As I suspected there was a hole there. If you are new to my blog and you don't know what I'm talking about a hole is a place in a relationship where there is an issue or a need that isn't addressed and is effectively ignored until it becomes large enough that the couple falls into it. I speak about it in detail in my Refocus Post.

My friend is obsessed with the prospect of polygamy and with due respect as the concept of it for a man can be more intoxicating than crack. When you are a man and you have two women that want you and you have formed a bond with both of them then it becomes a tremendous pull to just pick up and walk away from the idea. Even I haven't walked away from the idea all together it still has track marks in my arm where I experienced the euphoria of entering into such a union. My friend unfortunately has received a weighted dose, because to that woman he is the knight in shining armor. He is the valiant conquerer coming to vanquish everything bad in their lives, and just listening to him explain it I'm thinking like there is no way you can just up and walk away from a mind trip like that.

When I initiated a polygamous relationship in my first marriage I was very wise. I did it under the auspices of saving the Muslim Ummah by establishing sound families fi sabellellah. So I was going to marry this single mom who by all intents of purposes "needed" a strong man in her life and the life of her daughter. She was African-American and we all know how the shortage of eligible black men tragedy is so I was saving the day. What saved me from the full heroin rush was the fact that I was extremely proper in my approach. I didn't talk to the sister outside of asking her to marry me. I mean literally I invited her to a public place, I discussed the issue, she consented and I left. There was no courting, no calling on the down low, no secret romance meetings, no heavy petting, nothing, zip, zero none of any of that. However the incredible Rush, and excitement of her saying yes was almost overwhelming. It was awesome and in reality had I enough money I would have went right ahead and did it. However my Deen got the best of me and I rescinded my offer and that was the end of it. All and all it took about 72 hours. However for me there was not a connection to long after when it was all said and done. I didn't miss anything that I gave to her because I didn't really give her anything.

When a husband embarks on a mission or finds himself in a situation with a woman where he has shared a lot of information then between them there is a connection. Like if it were someone that I worked with on a daily basis or just a casual acquaintance then there is a bond that has formed and should be broken. However breaking bonds once they form is difficult, because everyone that you love forms or takes a piece of your heart, which you can't get back. Even bad relationships they take a piece and that piece is theirs forever and ever. You can't give that piece back and if it is a fond memory you return there from time to time to sit and reflect. There is a song by Jill Scott that kind of sums up that reminiscing feeling it is called Cross my Mind. I like the song it is reflective. I like Jill period but I digress. My friend has found himself in a conundrum where as this person has filled a hole and now he can't readily get her out of it. His wife has said why don't you let me fill that hole, but that spot has already been filled by this other person so it becomes this gnashing of feelings when it comes time to deal with this.

Now my friend is depressed which complicates matters even more because you have to deal with that as a reality. Depression is a serious animal and it would make people act and say things that they normally wouldn't say. So you have a threefold problem where you have someone who is depressed and is making life altering decisions. They have allowed someone else to occupy a space that was supposed to be occupied by their wife, and you have to try to mend a relationship that has a problem and it has been suppressed for a great deal of time and generally ignored. So it rises up to a gigantic mess, one in which there is no easy answer. The process should follow to A. deal with the most serious problem the depression. B. Fix what was originally broken in the first relationship where there is a communication gap or breakdown. C. Take a reality check on the feasibility of is it something that he can realistically do.

I just thought of something of how I can handle this. Everyman has or should have a single-most driving conviction. Something that no matter what he will not compromise. Mine is truth. I cannot stand being called a liar. So regardless of how much trouble I'm in or going to be in if it comes down to being a liar or called a liar I will tell the truth, sometimes brutally (which is why my relationship with my wife is so tight, I can tell her the brutal truth and she lets me tell it without judging me, it is a beautiful freedom). My friend has to have something that is his cornerstone and I need to find out what that thing is and then maybe I can turn this thing all around. I know for him polygamy would do him more harm than good right now, because he has a lot of issues that he hasn't addressed and has summarily avoided altogether.

I actually got to talk to both of them so I have a grander picture of the situation. A woman in pain will let you know everything that is bothering her and let me tell you that the situation is dire. I almost cried when I got her side of the story. She is such a strong woman it is unnerving to say the least to see her in such pain. She is a rib flexed to her fullest capacity, if she breaks the world will be at a great loss, and Shaytan would have made a great victory.

When you have a strong woman and she is leading the show, there are a lot of masculine ego things that can really spoil the mix. If the man has not been a proven leader and steps down out of the leadership role "and regrets it". You are going to have a massive communication break down and tons of closet skeletons. This is the situation here. For so long she has lead the family, and he hasn't been in charge of much of anything except going to work and bringing home the money and trusting that it has been put to good use. He hasn't had a chance to stand on his own two feet because the women have led his whole life. Eventually all of that is going to cause a breakdown somewhere. So in actuality this can be a good thing if dealt with in the proper fashion. He can grow out of this into the person that he has always wanted to be. I can understand because my Mom is a very strong willed woman and pretty much always in charge. I was lucky however to have a father that took care of business. Even though they were divorced I could draw on both of them for strength. If you don't have that figure then what resources do you have to draw on? So it makes it difficult. I think that when he gets on the other side of this he will be a better person all around. I just want to prevent him from doing something he will thoroughly regret in the long run.

I feel that he is still very much blessed because his wife has not succumbed to spite. If that happens then it is game over, pack your lunch and go home. So Insha Allah I will be able to help him keep his marriage and family together. He called me so I will call him back after this post.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Miraj notes

Here is an article that brings up many of the issues that Miraj normally brings up. San Fran article on African American Muslim Polygamy. From the legalistic point I can see where she is coming from and I always have. However I have always argued that "Rule waving" never actually stops people from doing anything, and for off-the-grid Muslims the State Rules don't even come into consideration when it comes down to making decisions. I'm going to post something on B'net and see what kind of response I get in the next couple of days. I don't think she ever did respond to my last post, smart girl.

Masjid Trip

I told you guys that I was going to share some photos with you guys of some of the Masjids that I went to. The first one was this beautiful Masjid in the center of the Island near Safra, but unfortunately it was next to a Palace and the guards almost saw fit to have me arrested because they thought I was taking pictures of the palace. I was there for like half an hour trying to explain myself. So after I got all my papers back and everything I bolted and went down south a little bit to this town called Safra and I took pictures of this Mosque after Maghrib.

While I was filming there there where a couple of kids that were off in the distance playing soccer and decided to come over and check out this stranger in their realm. There were like 6 all together and the neighborhood policeman. So they took this little picture for me.

I really wanted to focus on the color and the Minarets so I took this picture.

When I went to the Grand Mosque after Isha it was too late to photograph inside so I took these outside shots.

This is from the grand courtyard leading up to the Mosque. This next one is actually of the front. Another day I will take pictures of the great doors that the put on the Mosque they are beautiful.

This is the Minaret from the side view.

Here are some more shots of the Minarets.

This is the back of the Mosque but you can get a good shot of the Minarets.

That's all of the pictures for now. Insha Allah later this week I would like to go and get pictures of this blue mosque that is tiled and you probably have seen it in magazines. In the future I would like to get a collection of the gates here. They are incredibly ornate and beautiful. It would be a nice touch. I just don't know if it would be cool of me photographing peoples addresses I think that would be rather touchy, but we will see what I can get away with.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Safa's Q & A's

I stopped by Safa's and found a list of Q & A's that people had left her that she answered and although I'm not in the same situation I decided to answer them. Lately the issue of P has been batted back and forth and I had a position, but last night I got horny again not a real bad case just a small one, and so I started to second guess myself. You know how Shaytan does. So I said let me answer some of these questions like a Tag and see what I come up with.

Q's and A's....

How do I feel?
Perfectly satisfied.
Completely head over heels in love with my wife.

How can I learn to accept the feelings associated with Polygyny?
It's roots are in fantasy, however the utility of it all could be a benefit, but so could hired help. Sensually the idea of it is very arousing, erotic and stimulating. Realistically the feelings are superficial and will fade away immediately after the business of life begins to become a reality.

Can you accept that your husband has another wife and just live your life?
I don't believe that my wife could accept it in reality, for if she could then she would give me the keys to that door. From the beginning of our marriage she has been in charge of the door and that has worked best for us. At the present time our relationship is like a super train moving at great speed. It is not the case where someone else could just jump on and become involved with us without putting forth tremendous effort.

Was your husband good to you before Polygyny entered your life?
She tells me I'm the best. So I have to believe her.

What if your husband moved you both to one country and was able to be fair?
Our requirements state that the wives would have to live in the same home. I really don't see it working otherwise regardless who was chosen. It would be too difficult to divide time with two homes, and it would open the door to too many different kinds of feelings. I like to address things as they come out immediately.

What is the most difficult thing that you have a hard time dealing with concerning your marriage?
In the beginning it was opening the lines of communication so that we could talk about the really hard things. Now however that is not a problem. I can tell her that I found X attractive and she can tell me that Y tried to flirt with her and if there is any temptation in that we rely on the Hadith of the Prophet (SAAW) and... well do what he said to do. It is a little more difficult with me over here, but the same rules still apply, we talk about everything.

Can your husband do anything to save the marriage?
I feel that as long as I respect my wife and respect our outlines concerning the issue then P is not an area where our marriage would be jeopardized.

Is it fair what you are asking?

Do you think your husband still loves you?
I love my wife terribly so much so that I know that I couldn't love another this deeply. If I could it would be a complete Rahma from Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta'ala.

Do you still love him?
She tells me that she loves me all the time.

What about the children?
My father always says that children are resilient and that they will be ok. I don't know I am not in that situation. If I where then the children would take the center stage and every effort would be made by all parties to make them feel at home, loved and safe.

Where are you right now?
Right now I'm mildly horny which is probably the only reason P is crossing my mind in a distant quasi serious kind of tone. I had made the decision to close the door on P and I was fine with that, but Wifee and I were doing some what-ifs and then the wheels started turning. If I were home I'm sure this would be a complete non-issue because I know I wouldn't be horny at all, but out here if you let that demon out then it starts to speculate and bring in all kinds of scenarios and suggestions that I would say yes to. I however plan on sticking to my guns and waiting for this storm to pass. It comes in waves you know.

I know what some of you are thinking. If you love your wife so much then how could you even entertain being with someone else? Well for one men don't think like women. Well men who have a high sex drive at least. The sexual act is on one level of masculine existence and if I were to be with someone else it would be akin to playing basketball just a rigorous physical activity. Where as when I make love to my wife it is a completion of emotions, and trust and love and deep emotional commitment. It is on a whole different level. I don't feel that I could connect with someone else like I connect with my wife. However that being said I am not one to do any down low type things. It gets hairy having desires and trying to reassure that there is nothing else to them. When I'm home it isn't a problem however out here Shaytan uses it to drop seeds of doubt. Do you understand what I'm saying?

What are your coping mechanisms?
Stay out of the house away from the computer. Pray at the Masjid. Talk to my wife on the phone. Reflect on how much I love her and miss her.

Where do you think your life is headed......??
Deeper love and commitment in our marriage.

Are you ready for that?

What about "melting"? Is it possible that your husband could do something to melt you and make you forget this?
I hope that I say things that put my wife at ease. It is hard though because when I'm not horny it is very easy to communicate that I want a monogamous life forever and ever, but when I am horny it is like of course I want a monogamous life, but if by a slim chance it came along well... then... ahhhh... maybe? However that is when I'm horny and it is like a wind that blows in and then out. Usually rather quickly when you start talking about things like bills LOL.

What does that mean? Soup and steam?
Well I suppose we are soup because we are always changing our recipe to keep it hot and tasty. And with that hot and tasty mix we make our own STEAM! LOL!!!

Love the soup, even the crackers are saucy.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

That's complete nonsex!

The essence of horniness

Like I said earlier when I first came here I was extremely horny. Not so much so anymore. I guess going to the Masjid as often as I can really helps out. Now Alhamdulillah I am no longer horny. It was irritating let me tell you. Now however I reflect on the non-verbals. The nuzzling of noses, the caresses, the closeness and her touch without the sex part, and it is still very erotic and I miss her. I suppose you don't realize how much intimacy you miss until you can't enjoy it anymore. You don't realize how big the bed is until there is no one there to share it with. You miss the standard sleeping position. You miss the casual caress that says I'm here for you and I love you. All of the non-verbal communication that verifies that you are in fact head over heels in love with each other. The emphatic statement of love without uttering a word. It is love and it is missed.

I took some pictures of some mosques and I will post them tomorrow. It should be pretty cool.

Temptation and Sexual Power

Flirting can be an addiction. Really it is the attention that one wants, however it is a deadly game. There are two types of flirting passive flirting and aggressive flirting. Passive flirting is when there is no chance of taking anything to the next level. Like flirting with someone in a town that you are passing through and will probably never see again in your whole life. This type of flirting is the least dangerous unless one is consumed by flirting entirely and does it all the time even when it is not safe.

The next level of flirting is double passive flirting. This is the kind that is normally done in a work place where you see people all the time. You joke with them and make innuendos but nothing is ever taken seriously and nothing is wanted from the other person except the mutual stroking of egos. This type is dangerous because if an event were to happen that someone had to confide in the person they are flirting with then there is a door open for something else to grow, because both persons have their foot planted in the pot, and out of it grows whatever. However the basis of this relationship is very shallow and is one that usually will not last past the first strong wind.

The last type of flirting is aggressive flirting where one individual actively goes after and tries to woo the other individual. There are requests for dates and other ways to stay in contact. This type of flirting can be good or bad depending on the status of the person. If they are married then this would definitely be a bad idea unless they were trying to get a second wife. Then probably even more so.

Reflecting on my friend and his situation I can only imagine how he wound up in the place where he is. I imagine it started by working closely with a woman and not realizing his own weaknesses. From that he began talking and the hole that he had let root itself in his marriage was filled by this woman, and now she is in a position where he cannot remove her from the place whence she filled. It is a devastating position for his wife and I feel sorry for them. Knowing where you are and what your weaknesses are is very important when you are married. I know my weaknesses. When I first came here I was very horny, I mean it was ridiculous. So I stayed indoors for the most part. The only women that I came into contact with were those Indonesian girls that I told you about, and there was not an open door there. I then stayed inside and kept to myself. After I started praying my prayers in the Masjid then my horniness subsided and I began to venture out. I am glad I did because it became blatantly evident that I was not in Virginia any more. The women in Virginia are made out the same mold with mild alterations here and there, but it isn't Miami or California or Hawaii where you have to do a double-take every five seconds (if you're looking that is.) The women here are drop dead gorgeous, and they flirt so being in my state I would have probably been vulnerable to getting myself in a situation that I wouldn't want to be in.

Even though I was in the state that I was in however I thoroughly and completely didn't want anyone other than my wife. To me she fulfills my every desire so I would reflect on those experiences and although I would look I didn't want anyone else. That is a feeling of empowerment to be in control of yourself when you are faced with a beautiful person and there isn't anything that you want from them. You can acknowledge them for their beauty and leave it at that. You don't have to flirt with them or anything, because you don't want anything from them. I have met many beautiful women since I've been here either professionally or in the course of necessary business and it is a relief that I can acknowledge their beauty without wanting any more from them. It is a condition that I reflect on in contrast to my youth or single years where there was almost a desperation to have them notice me and converse with them and get to know them. Then again maybe I'm just old and those heady years are gone, but either way it is nice to know that my weakness is under control and I am not a slave to it as I once was.

Friday, August 10, 2007

This is how Polygamy is done?

So is this how it is done? There is a giant rumor mill around here about what these four houses are actually all about. There are two basic theories. The first theory is that these houses belong to all four of this Sheiks wives. All four houses are identical except for the pink one. The theory goes that all of the other women bore him sons/children and that is why their houses are white, but the last one bore him girls so her house is pink. That's the first theory. The second theory is that these houses belong to his children three boys and one girl, either way it is very intriguing.

Everyday we pass these houses and we are filled with awe and wonder. The same happens when we walk through the malls and there is one man surrounded by a bevy of women of varying ages. Are they his wives? No one really knows and the only way to know for sure is to go up and ask them, but that would be appropo so the guessing increases, and is subject to each individuals own twisted fantasies.

However going off of the assumption that they are wives I would suppose that this would be categorized as one of the more correct ways to do it. Each wife is represented fairly in size of home and amenities, because all of the houses are identical.

I thought about this. My wife and I occasionally talk about P from time to time, and I reflected that had I been a wealthy man I probably would have went into P without question. Looking at it now I can see the dynamic of how such a relationship would be. Looking at these houses and imagining that in them resides this sheiks wives. (Now that I think about it harder I think that it is probably less likely to be his wives as I wouldn't believe that wives without a choice would choose to live that closely to one another and it is more probably his family that he established a compound for so they could all live together) I contemplate on the dynamic of the relationship that they must have. Wealth can buy a great many things and if one were so wealthy then he could afford to do so, but the quality of the relationship would be different. I look at my relationship with my wife and I believe that our relationship would not be possible had I just decided to up and fill up my quota just because I could afford it. My wife and I have a personal relationship that we cherish very much, and although we reflect on P from time to time that is not something that either of us wish to lose between us.

This post was going to be more in depth but I put off writing it for so long that my thoughts have gotten all muddled so maybe I'll just prod along and Insha Allah I will have something beneficial to say. My point that I wanted to make was I believe that the relationship dynamic between relationships where each party is devoting equal effort to build a unified structure are different than relationships that are produced out of necessity of a thing. Be that thing financial support or station, companionship in the sea of loneliness, or windows of opportunity. Relationships started on those lines don't hold the same weight as the first example. I don't see the bonds building between the couple. Like if I were wealthy and I chose to enjoy multiple women then there really would be very little to stop me. I could fly around the world and assemble a smorgasboard of women so that I could enjoy whatever variety my heart so desired. However the depth of the relationship with those women would be very shallow and disconnected. As opposed to the relationship that I have with my wife which is very connected and cherished. This is what I mean when I said that I don't believe that I would be able to do justice in any subsequent marriages that I would have, had I wanted one in earnest.

When the Quran speaks about you will never be able to do justice between them I can understand on a deeper level what it is talking about. The depth and dynamic of my relationship with my wife is very special and even if I were to marry another woman the dynamic and depth of that relationship is going to be different. It would seem that it would be impossible to be equal to both of them because of the dynamic that is formed or altered between them. If the dynamic between my wife and I changed then I would never be able to be fair to my wife again, and if the dynamic that I have with my wife now is longed for by my second wife it would never be attained. Even if someone were to marry two women at the same time there would be an inequality in the dynamic that formed between them. One would always be more dominant than the other. This is a trait that we can see even in our own bodies. One arm is stronger than the other or what-not.

I would suppose that the secret to P success would be for all to recognize and appreciate the differences in each others assets and attributes and integrate that into the fabric of life, and as long as everyone contributes and everyone makes an effort at moving the family forward then everything would be better than bearable. In many circumstances and in many different situations the first thing that is noted is the change in dynamic between the husband and his wives or the wives amongst themselves. If it were that one sister wished for another sister that which she wished for herself in theory the relationship could then enter a cycle of true improvement where it could eternally grow deeper in richness and depth. The reality however is that fear of loss would nullify many forward advances in that area. My wife for example has entertained the idea of P, however she would does not wish to lose the bonds that we have, nor her position as my best friend. Then there are the insecurities that are expressed. If I were to marry the young hottie there is the fear that I would want to be with that person more, or the older mature woman there is a fear that I would want to chill out and relax with that person more. Then there are all of the feelings of nafs both hers and mine that would come into play into the whole dynamic. Ultimately I suppose that it would be the responsibility of each individual keeping a positive attitude and working towards a positive solution to making polygamy work. I haven't seen polygamy work in Muslim circles, usually it can be attributed to the underhanded nature that it all comes about. Where there is a rift in the lines of trust then that would be damaged and in need of repair, but once trust is broken it remains weak in that spot. It can be mended, but there is still a weakness there.

Reflecting on my own experience chasing P I can tell you that if the dynamic between you and your wife is a very strong bond then it will be a painful experience. The emotions that we experienced were very powerful and at times traumatic, and this is with a woman that my wife hand selected. I could not imagine trying to navigate the situation with someone that I approached or who approached me. I can recall the experience when I was approached by someone and the effect that had. Alhamdulillah the connection between my wife and I holds stronger than any temptations. I believe that this is so because I can tell my wife anything. So I can always confide in her my most darkest desires and altruistic ones. However either way there is nothing hidden or underhanded that she would be surprised with. If I flirt with a woman for the sheer pleasure of my ego she knows about it. If I fantasize about being with someone she knows it (which I'm doing very well I haven't fantasized even a flash image for quite sometime now). If I consider someone as a co-wife she knows it right away so there isn't an opportunity for a hole in our relationship to be exposed. I think that most people get into trouble when there is a burning subject on their minds and there is no one to turn to except their own thoughts, and when that happens Shaytan gets in there and plays havoc with the situation.

Now ask yourself how would you feel if you bring your girlfriend over and your husband says that he would like to have her in a sexual manner, but Muslims usually cover up the whole lust aspect of it and just say second wife. How would you react? If your husband can't do that then you create a hole in your relationship. Now your husband knows you and you know your husband so there is no need to get upset. There is a hadith that addresses this issue. It goes along the lines of "If you see a beautiful woman when you are out come home and make love to your wife." Now if your husband is a looker then that would mean that he would always be on you and that could be good or bad depending on the proficiency of your husband, but there is a tool to keep a hole from being formed in your relationship. If you happen to be of a traditional sense and believe that your husband should only think about you all the time and no one else then you aren't looking at all of the weaknesses that Allah gave man. The weakness of women is outlined in the Quran so wishing and hoping that it were different is a fools idea. Everyman will look at, desire or reflect upon intimacies with another woman from time to time. We are wired that way and it differs to varying degrees from person to person. Most fight it so that it never comes up between a husband and his wife. However for those who fight it but are weak about the issue not being able to relate to his wife can have catastrophic effects. Sexual satisfaction is another thing that can create a hole in a relationship if not dealt with properly. If the husband is having his loving rationed out to him and his ration doesn't coincide with his sex drive then that is a recipe for wanting a co-wife. Sexual frustration is a situation where the subject of co-wives can be inserted. In fact any rift between the couples the subject could be inserted which is why there must be a diligence in terms of keeping communication lines open and guarding them heavily.

Well that is my reflection on P for the day. Usually I don't get any comments but I suppose that people read them so maybe I'll keep posting them. Maybe I'll go over to Safa's blog later and catch-up on a few things, I haven't been over there since her husband came back. PM I know you are reading I thought you were getting divorced what happened? I'd like to know and the reasons why you stayed. I don't have to publish it if you don't want. I have a friend who is thinking about P and he has been married for 17 years so I need a multitude of input and experiences that I can draw from before I talk to him.

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Sunday, August 05, 2007

Somebody's watching me?!

I don’t know either Blogger has taken off to astronomical proportions or my blogger connections here are being monitored by 12 different spy services. Sheesh.

Sorry if the pictures didn’t post. I’m uploading them to a web album and I will fix this last post tomorrow or maybe the next day, or the next. LOL take it easy everyone.

Photo tour

As you all know I have said that I was going to give you a photo tour of my place and times while I was here. Well this is the tour of my house. Here is the front gate. I think I had already had a picture of that.



This is a picture of my little courtyard that is in front of my house. The grounds keepers keep it pretty neat.




This is my front room.






That bag that is in the corner was from a previous roommate that left like all of this crap. We are still getting rid of his junk.



More of my front room and a pic of that door again.



The same room from a different angle.



I have no idea what we could use this for, but one of the guys likes to put his keys on it.




This is the kitchen, and I would have you know that none of that is my stuff.



Oh yeah on the counter all that food in those boxes is mine. They had a giant Carb sale at the store and I picked up all of that food for about $30 bucks. It is two cases of nibblets corn like 15 cans to a case. A case of Zatarains Jambalyaya like twelve boxes. A case of 6 Mesquite meat rub things. A case of 16 of those Quaker rice cake type snacks. They never fill you up but if you eat enough you can fool your stomach into thinking you are full, if you chase it with enough water. Then there was the motherload of Mac & Cheese for like 15 bucks I got like a lifetime supply there is like 50 boxes of Mac & cheese in that box. I will be eating Mac & cheese until I get ready to go home. The Jim Beam on the corner isn't mine and neither is the girl on the Fridge.


So I was thinking that I could probably eat off of like $5 bucks a week by just adding meat and veggies to all of those carbs. Will I ever lose the weight? Carrying on to the next phase, the pool.


Here is a better picture of all of that food.



The maintenance guys just got finishing painting this door the other day.


I think they did a good job it looks nice.


This is on the side of the house going towards the pool.



The other way is the garage.


And at last the Pool it looks so good, but the funny thing is that water isn't cool like it looks. If you got in it would be like getting into a hot tub or a really warm bath.



Do you see the hose? The Maintenance guys have to turn on the hose and run water otherwise my water would all evaporate out of my pool. Crazy huh? It gets mad hot here. Like way hot.


My bedroom is upstairs. I knew you all wanted to know that. LOL.



At the top of the stairs is the bathroom and it is pretty nice, but I have to share even though I'm the most senior person in my villa. It is a first come first serve for the Master bedroom suite. I have to wait until January before my roommate moves out that is in there and I still won't get it if the other roommate wants it because he has been here longer than me too. Rats!! But he's on a boat and is only in for like 12 days at a time and sometimes less so he may not mind if I take it. I'm banking on it actually. We'll see, but I might stay where I am because I'm right over the wireless router and my roommate that is in the master gets reduced signal in his room. So we'll see.



The bathroom is pretty nice. My room is the door on the right. What I think is weird is that the light switches are on the outside of the bathroom and there are no electrical plugs in the bathroom itself. Huh? So you could be like bathing or whatever and someone can just turn the lights off on you. I know siblings would love that feature. Click sorry time to get out.


That's my door. I like the little rugs that they put in front of all of the doors.


Now this is the part you've all been waiting for, an opportunity to get into my… well you get to see how I live.


It is a nice sized bed. I think that it is a queen but I could be wrong it seems huge without wifee here to share it with.


I totally love the stand-up closet. Totally cool. Like oh my gosh (I just had to say that).


The dresser and the TV that never gets turned on. Ever.


And last but not least the B.E.D. (Beautiful ecstasy Device) But alas no wife to share it with Grrrrrrrrr. Foot!!



Oh yeah the bathroom.




You gotta love that tub. I really like that little shower spout thing. Even though the glass thing on the right is the shower enclosure, I like the shower spout thing because if you had to make ghusl then you could without using your bath water because who knows what you freaks have been washing off/out of you, but you don't have to get out of the tub to make a nice clean ghusl.


Ah the bidet. You know I had to look up how to "correctly" use one of those things. I got my first dose of it at the grand mosque, where they didn't have toilet paper at all. For Americans it is kind of gross at first and like I said you fully begin to appreciate using the left hand just for the dirty stuff, but the upside is that it is a complete cure for streak marks in your pants. Which those of you who suffer from that should thoroughly appreciate.


Rooftop view. Isn't it lovely? I was told that a few months ago where I live was beachfront property and then they built those flats over there. Those are the ones that I was trying to get into so that I could have a shot at a master bedroom, and they would have been right on the water.


More roof top views.


And lastly the pool all warm and relaxing.


So there you go the photo tour of my place. Hope you had fun and your browser didn't lock up. If you guys complain I will post 10 more right quick so that you don't have to load these images every time you come to my blog.