Saturday, May 26, 2007

Tariq

I was over at Tariq Nelson's place and he has this post where he is commenting on a comment and I can understand what he is saying because I feel the same way a lot of times. The commenter is talking about how the white man keeps the black man down and there is some truth to that but there is more truth in what Tariq is saying. I really want to get into this post because there is a lot that I have to say on this issue. The whole poor me I'm oppressed black man syndrome. I would like to speak on the two sides of the coin on this one.

On the oppressive system by design side I believe that it is true. The way that the Black community is constructed only supports the degeneration of our society. Starting with the home followed by the school system. There are many arguments that were brought up by John Taylor Gatto about the school system that doesn't just affect African-Americans but all less than privileged people. Our educational system is one of the first things that is exported to countries that we want to dominate or continue to dominate in the future. Does anyone find it odd that regardless of how many Doctors and engineers there are in Muslim communities and countries from a strategic standpoint they remain backwards and subservient.

So yes I believe there is a mental slavery that is present in the African-American community. In fact I believe that it is the testing ground for new oppressive concepts. What proof do I have, None probably because I don't read as much as I could, but I look around and observe and ask myself how is this reality helping to perpetuate this situation? Like you have to think why is it that our neighborhood look the way it does? Why is it that there are Fifty million churches in a 30 block radius of abject poverty and a liquor store directly across from the churches? Why is it that the children aren't taught anything in the schools that will help them to advance or think critically or think like a entrepreneur or anyone that will build anything of worth?

It is a systematic mode that locks a people into a certain mode of thinking and then the only thing that is done by Management is to maintain or perpetuate the mentality. It takes a strong mind to break the mold, most others will just automatically fall in line to the plan of design. The beauty of this peer induced failure is that it follows natural societal pressure. I have a case in point. In the 80's there was a lot of pro-black uplifting rap music. There was a surge of afrocentricity. There was a lot of self study going on that was spurned on by the topics spoke of by the artist. KRS One was big and others were intellectually stimulating such as Public Enemy. The rap was very intellectually stimulating. The lyrics were very complex and spoke about something that you needed to think about. Then gangsta rap rolled on the scene and the industry clung to it like glue. It got heavy rotation. The next explosion was southern rap which is some of the most ignorant rap I have ever heard, but a lot of times it has a good beat and catchy/raunchy tunes. It however doesn't uplift or offer any hope past the heavily materialistic shallow values. Then there is the Thug scene that only promotes the police and prison industry. Then there is the devaluing of women carte blanche in the African-American community. A society without a respect for women is doomed to fail ultimately, because she is the foundation of the society. So there are much more issues that the system imposes on the African-American community that are psychologically very difficult to break, and very easy to deny that you are doing it.

On the flip side of the coin you have the African-American responsibility. As a people we have to fight how easily the big money manipulates us as a people. It is very difficult because you have children raising children. So if you haven't had to tell a headstrong teenager anything lately let me tell you it is very difficult when they pop the "how you gonna tell me" attitude. Now the way that the system is constructed there is no positive male influence. Lack of Positive adult male influence in the community leads to a break-down in the ability for a society to advance. You then have basically full grown teenagers seeding women (because they aren't building families). So you have to ask yourself what does this supply? If not nothing but an endless supply of Need for more law enforcement Taxes, Need for more prisons, Taxes and an endless supply of youths that aren't good for anything except what they are told they are worth and when they rebel they go to jail, Taxes. So the system is very well orchestrated if you continue backing up enough to look at the comprehensive picture. For every inmate in jail it is what on average $50,000 in what is reported, but actually it is worth more than that, because a shift guard makes probably $30-$40K on average. So if he is in charge of 10 inmates in an overcrowded system it more than pays for itself.

Jail and the System is just one avenue, how would an African-American community combat this. Without strong male role models and an honoring of women there can be no salvation from this debacle. When we look at the pop-music that caters to our children regardless of color we see on the regular that women are devalued as sex objects. Currently in many of the songs getting heavy rotation several of them refer to, or are in praise of strippers. Let me ask you how is a stripper valued in society? If the base desires are the only things being valued then what Vision for the future can there be? This is one of the major problems with SUSTAINING a break in the conundrum that the African-American community is faced with.

As an African-American male and a Muslim the double Whammy it is frustrating to see that the views of our people having not changed much as a mass collectively than it was shortly after the abolishment of slavery. Many would argue that it is a far step off, but as a collective whole we are in bad shape. Yes there are African-Americans that have made great strides but like the most of America these efforts are on an individual level and not as a collective, because there is no collective mindset. The efforts of the collective have been subjugated to the one and destroyed. So without a vision of community there can be no community there can only be self. This also ties into the marriage/ divorce problem in our community. There is no we in the self so therefore all other relationships are subjective to the needs of the self, and since both parties have the same view the divorce rates in the African-American community are much higher. With higher divorce rates this translates to a lack of wealth accumulating in the African-American community with in turn perpetuates the crab in the bucket mentality.

So all in all this is by no sense of the imagination an extensive list. I could go on offering excuses, but until there is a collective movement to establish a family base where elders are honored and women respected there can be no uplifting of a people.

That's my two cents on the issue.


Blogging with my treo. Man I love this thing.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Challenge

As you all know that yesterday I went on and on about how much I love my wife and how I can't even think about anyone else. Well wouldn't you know that Shaytan is johnny on the point with what examples examples examples. So I get back to my apartment last night and I was extremely exhausted. I was so tired. So I prayed all of my prayers late, you know like "those" Muslims. Anyway I was falling asleep on the couch and finally got up and went to bed. I suppose that somewhere around fajr, had to be because I prayed that one late too and my alarm was off, which I don't know why there wasn't a need for it to be. Anyway I was sleeping and not one but like three scenarios of me being with someone other than my wife. One I can't remember at all the second one was foggy, and the third one I remember well. So I'm like damn this is why you have to keep your weaknesses under wraps.

The second one was one of those weird puzzle dreams where you go all over walking and walking and not get anywhere. The person that I was with I didn't have sex with, but I wooed her with a song or something. There were some other internals in that dream but it was a dream it is all mush now.

The third one I was having an affair with this lady and I had been given orders to shoot her. I don't know the dynamics but I think that she was a boss' wife or something. I painted my gun white and put it under my arm and I told her to go into this room and lay down on this white bed. First I was trying to figure out why she was selected to be shot. What did she do, who did she talk to etc. I wasn't going to do anything but something happened perhaps Fajr was going out and then it happened.

I was so groggy I vaguely remember waking up and then laying back down. I had completely forgot about fajr. I notice that this is when the dreams come. When it is close to fajr and you know you have to get up and pray. If you wake up that first time you are fine, but if you lay back down you get all of these weird dreams and stuff that entice you to stay asleep longer missing your salaat. This is what I think happened to me. So most probably I got all three of those dreams between the point I lifted my head up the first time and actually waking up. Aoothubillahi MinaShaytan Ir Rajeem. May Allah keep us strong and away from the Shaytan.

I have to run today and make my time a mile and a half in 13:36 the last time I was a minute off. The first time I ran it I was like 4 minutes off. Insha Allah I can do it today.

My pee is still riddled with protein. I have to go and see a nephrologist next week and they are going to test me for kidney failure. They are also going to test me for diabetes. Both my parents have type 2 so I hope I'm still negative. I don't want to have to deal with that but it may come down the pike seeing as how both my parents have it and it runs in my family. I thought it was mostly attributed to all that pork they ate. My wife though is usually pretty good at helping me manage my diet. So I should be ok.

I woke up and called wifee, but she was still sleeping. She drove all night last night to Chicago and usually she calls but this time she didn't I hope that she is ok. I will worry until I hear from her today. If something ever happened to her I wouldn't get married again. I couldn't do it. I love her so much, she's so cute. Anyways da da da da da da life goes on.

Oh yeah in the dreams I wasn't married to my sweet wifee I was single.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Honor

As most of you know I really love my wife. I don't think you understand how much I love her. Well let me tell you that I believe that I am the luckiest man in the world when it comes to love. Not that we don't have problems because we do it's just that Allah's blessings and our love helps us overcome so much.

So I'm going away right and I'll be gone for a while and I'm sitting here thinking of all of the temptations that will be waiting for me when I get there. I'm so happy Masha Allah all of my weaknesses which I know of I don't feel weak in. Now I really love my wife, but I'm a man and men are known to do really stupid things from time to time. So I think about my weaknesses and I try to envision me succumbing to them and Alhamdulillah I just can't. I can't fantasize about anyone else, I can't think about anyone else I can only think about my wife. This is my only relationship that this has been a reality. Ladies men think about other women that is just a fact that you have to accept. I occasionally trapse off in my mind about a relationship that I had in the past, but the presence of my love of my wife just shines through those thoughts and none of those relationships hold weight anymore. Even the fond thoughts of them fade. Even when I had two girlfriends that loved me and that knew about each other and didn't care doesn't stand up to my fond feelings that I have for my wife.

As a man I look, yes I know that we aren't supposed to but we are all human and no matter how fine the girl is she doesn't hold a candle to my wife, even after her C-section and even when she doesn't feel beautiful there just isn't a person out there that holds a candle to my wife in my heart.

I think about the stupid husband tricks like falling for someone else, but I really can't because I love my wife so much. I know this post is just an invitation for the Shaytan Aoothubillah, but I just have to say it my girl is awesome.

Like we had this conversation the other day we were reflecting on all of your situations (The p girls) and I was telling her what I was attracted to, of course this totally doesn't work for her, but I felt free to communicate it. I said that what endears me to a sister is the fact that you love her (as a sister) and cherish the relationship between you. This of course sucks because it means that she has to think about her friends before bringing them around me, and she guards cause those sisters that she doesn't trust she doesn't bring around me. Not that I know any of them anyways because when she has sisters over I have the kids and I'm leaving or I'm locked in my room, but anyway. So I told her that this aspect is what attracts me to sisters in terms of a polygamy setting, I can only love who she loves and of course naturally I dislike who she dislikes. There have been a few candidates over the years and all of them have been sisters that she held close to her heart. I feel that is more natural. Even so though I would never cross the line and approach someone that she loved for marriage behind her back. That would break the Rules. It's in the Quran go into homes through their proper doors.

It's funny because we casually talk about the people who she would and who she would not let me marry. We have a friend and they are having problems and she loves the sister very much, but I would not marry her, because there are too many Rules involved. I would want to, but I wouldn't. When they started having problems I wanted them to fix them for two reasons one they are/were are beautiful couple and it would be a real shame to see such a beautiful life go to waste, and secondly it would be a big fitnah if she were to come "available", but like I said there are too many Rules involved so the right answer no matter how tempting it would be and how much we would all work together to make it work would be no.

I don't however think about women who my wife isn't connected to. Like the cute cashier at Wal-mart for example or the hot body at the gym those people don't exist in my mind at all. They don't linger and their faces fade to black as soon as focus has shifted. Ladies all men look, it's natural, you look and that's fine. The Prophet said that the cure for it is to go home and make love to your wife. That isn't the reason we have six kids but it works. I guarantee if you are turned on by any other woman/ or man and you go and make love to your wife whom you love and cherish you won't have any problems with fidelity.

Now why did I rant about this I don't know. Really I don't but anyways, before I psychoanalyze myself I want to say that is how a bond should be. I completely trust my wife and I talk to her more than anyone else. For me she truly is Sakinah.

Rules

I firmly believe that there are Rules of Relationships that directly deal with Allah's Will or Karma if you don't like that word. Some of you may even call them superstitions, but these are somethings that I believe in. In terms of relationship dynamics I feel that these rules must be honored.

  1. No sex before marriage. I believe that sex before marriage strips the marriage of any blessing. Starting out on the wrong foot is a steep uphill battle. I'm not saying that it can't work I'm saying that it isn't blessed from the start.
  2. What you don't respect in the person you are with will be missing in the next. I believe that if you are in a relationship and if you complain about that relationship or you cheat and that relationship comes to an end. The good qualities of the person that you were with will be absent in the next person that you get with. If person A was good with money, person B won't be. If person A was a good talker and listener, person B won't be etcetera. Unless the that person violated the relationship bonds. In that case the next person should be better, unless you are breaking some other rules.
  3. No blessing comes out of polygamy if what you currently have isn't cherished first.
  4. Getting involved before your heart heals only damages the heart and taints the relationship. So even if that person "completes" you wait until your heart says that it is time to move on. Without closure a traumatic rip will only bleed into each relationship that you enter. The only good thing that could come out of it is if one hooks up with the medicine man/woman, that person that understands your pain, nourishes your needs and allows you to heal. Unfortunately that person isn't the one 9 times out of 10 and committing to them would break the rules. To make it work you would have to break-up with them finish healing and come back at a later time.
  5. The grass is not greener with out closure. If you are in a bad relationship you can't stage your exit into a better relationship. What I mean is you can't start a relationship before ending and healing from the one you are currently in.
  6. Trust will not naturally foster itself in a relationship that starts with doubt. Your new beloved was a stripper, or promiscuous and you wonder about that in the back of your head. That won't go away just because titles have changed.
  7. Love is earned not given.
I will continue to add to my list so check back on this post from time to time, or maybe I'll just change the date stamp every time I update it. I have more, but they are all escaping me now because I'm thinking too hard.

Vena

I finally made it around to Vena's blog. She hasn't put much on since I read her blog last. I don't know she is such an inspiration. When it comes to polygamy she makes it look so easy. Now don't get me wrong she has been through the wringer. How she came into polygamy is jacked up, but her attitude and poise through every situation she has been given is incredible. If you haven't read her blog I highly suggest you do. I don't know, but it seems that she handles every obstacle with grace and ease. When an avalanche of problems fall down the mountain on her and everyone else is running and screaming like mad she calmly side steps the calamity says Alhamdulillah and gently skips on her way. She's incredible. May Allah bless her, her family, her children and her marriage. Masha Allah.

<-- She's on the side over there give her a click.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Qasr

I have to redo this post because my palm died in the middle of the last one. You know how I hate that. Anyways I'm down here training at a place that I will not name. This is about the only place that I really feel uncomfortable praying at. I actually feel more comfortable praying standing in the middle of the street in a gunfight in Brooklyn.

So I'm having an internal conflict because I study with both Shaafii and Maliki scholars. I believe both Shaafii and Hanafi scholars follow the 50 mile rule. The Maliki school says that if you can't see the rooftops of your town then you can shorten Salaat. So I'm shortening my prayers, but it is still a conflict.

The training is very valuable though and pretty fun. I prayed Dhuhr and A'sr already. So I'm good. The only thing I don't like is when you come back home and you miss a combination opportunity.
Blogging with my treo. Man I love this thing.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Prejudice

I was over at PM's spot and she had a post about modesty and it came to my attention that I had prejudices. Normally I try to believe that I don't have prejudices, but it became painfully evident that I do. Specifically Muslim on Muslim prejudices. So I will list them and see whether or not any of them are really warranted or not.

My Prejudices.

1. I don't trust Muslims that don't pray.
2. I wouldn't have a wife that doesn't wear hijab because she wants to.
3. I think women who don't wear hijab have a Deen flaw. I can accept them but about as much as I accept Muslims that don't pray.
4. I have a problem with Muslims that allow their downfalls to come out into the open without regard of any consequences.
5. I have issue with Muslims that don't adhere to the outward requirements of Islam, Salaat, fasting, Drinking, eating pork, hijaab.
6. Those people that hoard all the food at Iftar during Ramadan.
7. Salafis that are so strict it conflicts with common sense.
8. People that bend the Deen to justify doing their own thang. I.E Men who cheat on their wives and choose to justify it with plural marriage.
9. People who through gross ignorance debate that they are on the Haqq.
10. Muslims who turn from Islam.
11. Muslims cower to mild external pressure.

I'm sure there are others this is a good start though, but I have to see which ones are valid and which ones are irrational. No I think I'll let some of you comment on them and then I'll try to defend my position. I think that will allow me to come to a more realistic position.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Existence

When I discussed functional coexistence in my refocus post this is what I was talking about. This couple sat through an entire buffet meal and did not utter one word to each other. A life with no connection it seems looking from the outside in. I'm sure that they love each other and everything but it just seems like a loss to just coexist. However many of us have marriages like this and think everything is fine. What do you think?

Thursday, May 17, 2007

OC

Better known as pepper spray the Coast Guard makes all of its members endure this torture. Basically you have an oil based substance that crystallizes on contact made of pepper resin. Let me tell you. This crap really burns.

Yes those are streams of snot. Gross huh? You really don't care you are just glad that it is over.


Blogging with my treo. Man I love this thing.

Refocus

ReFocus

I think I have recapped our polygamy experience before, but the following I plan to post on B’net because I have substantially debated the pros of polygamy there and I would like to provide a before and after type of spin on the whole issue.

Our good friend Safa has us listed as polygamy survivors on her blog, and I suppose that we are. I no longer have a burning urge to delve into polygamy as I did before. I suppose that if there was some sort of organic circumstance that really was a benefit to all involved there would be an outside chance, but we are talking about this would have to be a situation that Allah himself ordained and everything fell into place easy breezy which is a very slim to none chance. So I’m out of the whole polygamy circle. It isn’t something that I say I’m out of and secretly lurk about looking for unsuspecting Muslima’s needing salvation. No I’m out all together. My wife is more than enough for me.

How did I get here? Three years ago if I had the opportunity and money to jump on the Polygamy bandwagon I would have without any reservation. I suppose that my position is really based on experience. I can’t explain it better than that. There are some things that you just won’t believe until you really go through them. You know “don’t touch that it is hot” AAAAAgh! “Hey you know what that actually is hot” type of thing. Polygamy is that sort of animal. I have a friend that has been married for quite a while and he decided to go down the polygamy road, the behind the back way like most do and it is really ugly now. There is physical violence and hurtful words and things that are just uncharacteristic of both of them. Then there is the emotional scarring that has taken place between them. What was the root of it all? Poor communication, poor communication is the root of most interpersonal problems. What was the seed? As I understand, it was the inability of one person to communicate ones true feelings without reprisal or “freaking out” by the other. In all of the marital strife issues that I have come across problems with communication is the root problem. With my friend at the beginning of their marriage he tried to communicate to her his feelings, and there was some pain associated with that and the wife reacted. So what happened was he sent a message and she reacted and to keep from repeating the scenario he shutdown. So in psychology class you get this nice diagram with two circles placed apart and one is the sender and one is the receiver. The sender sends a message and it is received by the receiver. The Receiver then transmits feedback to the sender and this is the circle of communication. If there is a barrier between the sender or the Receiver then communication doesn’t take place. Now in their situation and in mine in my first marriage there is a break down of communication because of a barrier so one side is shutdown now a precedent is set. Once a precedent is set then the opportunities for more barriers are staged until they are set in place. Once triggered they position themselves and new barriers are formed until you have functional coexistence. If there was a case where you had a co-worker and you asked him about his kids and he responded “Why the hell are you asking me about my kids!” that person has just formed a barrier. It may go on so that you get to the point of don’t ask him any questions just give him the task item and move on. The same thing happens in marriages. If your husband communicates something to his wife and she blows up he knows that is a barrier at that point of communication. The more barriers that go up then the less points there are to bond on, and when someone needs to bond or just talk about a subject there isn’t an opening there, so eventually those feelings will become bottled up inside and then that person may seek another outlet for those feelings or feel isolated and strike out in different ways.

We really aren’t trained to think like we have to open ourselves up completely, and for some of us it may do more damage than good. Like if you used to be ultra-freak and marry the ultra-conservative and you hide that past from them. However even here there is a part of your house that is closed off and if that part is something that needs to be resolved you cannot go to your companion to do so. It all lies in what I believe are the two core elements of a relationship trust and communication. Commitment and dedication are others but you can be committed to someone and not trust him therefore commitment doesn’t provide inroads to a deeper relationship the same with dedication. Love is something that comes later in a relationship. In some relationships it comes quicker and in some relationships it is completely false “puppy love” but it is a product of trust the essential ingredient for a successful relationship. Without trust the foundation of any relationship is faltered. I trust you are not going to hurt me, I trust that you are not going to rip me off, I trust you will be careful with my secrets. Whenever a relationship goes wrong there has been primarily a violation of trust.

Communication consistent with actions is that ingredient that protects trust. Communication in society is primarily non-verbal giving credence to the saying actions speak louder than words. In most cases it is actions rather than what is spoken that violates trust or fractures trust. Barriers to communication are the seeds that grow walls to communication which may lead to a breakdown of trust. Communication is the water that helps trust to prosper if communication is cut off then trust will maintain at its strongest point until actions that are not consistent with the last known bookmark of trust are violated. In the case of a good friend that you have been separated from for quite sometime, if you left on good terms you have no reason to believe that this person will have turned malicious towards you. If such signs are implemented then a breakdown of trust has begun and communication needs to be adjusted.

In my experience with polygamy one thing that was a key point in the whole process was that my wife and I remained in very close communication. When I committed actions that were not consistent with our agreements there was a fracture of trust, so then we communicated to each other where the fractures where and we were able to truss those areas up, reassess our situation, and move on. There were several stumbles on our road to polygamy and we learned a great many things about ourselves. I believe that we went through all of the feelings that couples go through whenever the polygamy issue comes up. I believe that my wife felt all of the feelings that every woman feels, but our guarding of trust through the whole experience and the respect that we gained for each other really helped us to move on and now after the desire of polygamy has passed our relationship is unscathed and we are even stronger than ever, I believe. We still have our problems and insecurities however we continue to communicate the points that we have problems with and it keeps us strong.

When I used to come on Beliefnet and discuss the do-ability of polygamy I was really speaking out of the side of my a$$. Now I have first hand experience. I have met a wide variety of people, Muslima’s in polygamy. I only refer to Muslimah’s because Muslim men or men in general never talk about their relationships even close friends. Is polygamy a viable avenue of life yes in some circles, in some cultures, maybe even in some marriages, but is it mostly viable. No.

It is true that women and men see things differently, and when a man sees something and has fixated on it often times it is very difficult to pry that man’s focus away from that thing. My friend whom I know all of his information from the Women’s News Network got involved with another woman whilst his wife was away. It wasn’t intentional it just happened the way Shaytan sets all of us up slowly and surely. He is very meticulous and it hardly ever fails. In this situation there was a communication break-down early on and it was just allowed to fester and fester and when opportunity gave rise it manifested itself.

Men wanting polygamy or multiple relationships is nothing new. Men see women as very exciting creatures, visually pleasing to the eye, pleasurable to be around and even more pleasurable to sleep with. This viewpoint however does not take in the reality of the day to day facts of who a woman is. She’s moody, she gets sick, she has needs, she has insecurities, she has wants, she makes demands, she is a human being and being with her necessitates forming and maintaining a relationship which takes work. If further steps are taken to support her then that takes extra work and finances. I think for some the idea of a second wife is very surreal in terms of its effect on the reality of one’s life. I don’t believe most men really think about this.

In my experience of having two wives the stress of finances and child-rearing doubled overnight. Maintaining the primary relationship with my wife that I love very much was strained to say the least. Trying to formulate a relationship with my second wife was difficult to begin and maintain at all. It was the most stressful period of our marriage. I thought that I would lose my wife (the first one), but our talking through each and every feeling and each and every problem really saved us. The depth of the bond with the second wife really was shunted a lot and in the end it made it easy to let go. I think that my wife and my constant communication made all of the difference in that situation. We laid ground rules and policed them out of respect for each other and even though the only reason that we aren’t still in a plural marriage now is the trepidation of the second wife and her decisions for a life path. What it allowed me specifically to do is get a very real view of what it means to be a man with two wives and how to interact with them.

I can’t stress the importance of communication enough. In most instances women outnumber “desirable” men by a great margin. The instances where a woman knows a man’s marital status and still desiring and pursuing him are very great. It doesn’t matter if she makes more than him, less than him family status or whatever the second woman never has anything to lose in most cases and usually is more than willing to make it work. This is something that first wives must always keep in the back of their heads, because if that second woman knows your husband is a good “desirable” man then she will make it work if you “let her”, “tolerate it” or not communicate “effectively” your feelings.

Back to communication again, it is very important to allow your significant other to communicate anything to you even if it is painful. If your husband comes to you and says that he wants a second wife “If you love your husband and value your marriage” don’t freak out just allow him to communicate those feelings and then honestly and truthfully tell him how you feel. Allow him to talk about it as much as he wants to so that he can get it out of his system. Inform him of the responsibilities on him express your financial demands, express your desires for time off without the kids etcetera. In the case of my friend that was married a long time she had placed her career on hold and then was sideswiped with the second wife thing. I advised my wife to tell her say fine tell him that he has to keep all of the kids while she goes back for a second degree. That is a real fact, it is something that will bring someone out of the clouds and down to reality.

Now obviously you have to know your subject err husband. If he is the domineering alpha male type then I really don’t have much advice for you because I’m not that type of forceful Willy the Pimp type of individual. I know of many sisters that have those types of husbands and I am really just far removed from that whole reality of checking the scent of a woman’s panties every five minutes. So I couldn’t even begin to tell you where to start, because if you are in that situation and submissive to it he could take fifty wives and there really wouldn’t be anything you could say about it. So sorry, no advice there.

I suppose my advice would apply to the sensible man, that is capable of rationally negotiating issues. In then end I want to ask that is polygamy for MOST people? NO it isn’t, not at all. Can it work? Yes under very special circumstances. Is there pain involved? Yes there is tons of pain even if every one willingly goes into such a relationship. I remember that I was bewildered at so much pain that flowed from the hearts of all of us. It was very painful it was as intense as the pain from a divorce if not more. I don’t wish that pain on anyone but if you were in a divorce and experienced pain it is kind of like that, and the more you love your first wife the more intense that pain to watch her suffer from this part of life being changed forever. The second woman has no idea how much pain is involved. Polygamy doesn’t come easy and it doesn’t come without a price.

That’s all I wish to say. Now there is a full circle perspective to my rantings.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Fatty

So I get to training and I finally make weight. All of the time at my unit I was told that I was fine. Well I get here and what is the first thing that they say Hmm you are 29 pounds over weight or 3% body fat whichever is your pleasure. So what do I have to do lose the weight or lose the chance. Well I choose to lose the weight. So I'm all excercizing 2 times a day and it is coming off slowly but surely. Finally yesterday I made weight. My Wifee put me on the Atkins diet to drop it fast and it worked but unfortunately I had to take a urine sample and because of so much protien I look as though my liver is failing so again there is something else threatening whether or not I will be able to leave or not.

Well guys I know that it has been a long time and that the teaser of a post a couple of days ago is no indication at a comeback. I will try my best to get back to posting something everyday. I don't know if I can get to my 1000 word a day goal but I will try my best to post something. The wifee is having it hard with me gone so I can empathize with the sisters that are out there without their husbands. Well it is all good. My kids miss me very much and I miss them too. I will try to post again later on tonight with a lessons learned about polygamy the good the bad and the ugly. I think I will repost it on b'net as well as a sort of an update to the rantings I made on that site about polygamy.

Talk to you all later. I hope to make my rounds, but Safa's site alone is worth about 2 to 3 months of reading. LOL Congrats by the way on your birth.


Blogging with my treo. Man I love this thing.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Constipation

Yah Vey!!!

Ok I know that it has been forever since I have posted. I am totally sorry. There has been so much stuff that has been going on there is just too much to input. It has truly been a whirlwind time. I will try to update you all on everything that has been going on. It is a butt load so naturally I will leave out a massive amount of information. Well we'll see how well my memory functions.

Hospital

Well my wife entered the hospital on the 29th of January sometime after A'sr and was released after Jumuah on the 13th of April. It was a very long time that she was in the hospital. It was a trying time emotionally for her and myself. I have to be careful because there are new outlines for my blogs and my personal life. I have to keep a lot of stuff in the pocket now. It isn't so bad because I think I'm a little better than I used to be at communicating. It is hard to separate the two because here I can deal with people but non-people. You don't ever really appreciate people as people until you meet them face to face. Even the deepest online relationships and communities. Then there's the problem that most people that read my blog are girls. At least that is what I think, I'll never know. I however digress. That hospital stay was a B*tch with a capital B. Now that she is at home it isn't much better but a little better. The next week after she got home I had to leave for training. I'm sorry folks but you are going to get a lot of intermingled paragraphs. Deal with it. LOL

Anyways I had to go to training and it isn't that bad the put us up in these plush apartments. Not really but the bedding is pretty nice and it has a few amenities. It is better than Holiday Inn which is where they were putting people. I got a rental Whowee. So it is like they are cramming six semesters into a month. A lot of stuff is abbreviated. I didn't know it was so easy to make a bomb or chemical or biological weapons. Pretty scary when you think about it. It is actually saying quite a bit about humanity that the despite the ease of really f*ing up civilization most "super-criminals" are very reserved. Either that or every time from now on you see a police officer give them first class treatment. Cause there is a lot of stuff going down that doesn't make the news.

What does all of that have to do with the Hospital. I have no clue but it needed to be said. I think. You know Alicia Keys is a pretty talented artist. Fat chickens on the left side of Thursday? What?? I just thought I'd throw that in there. Anyway the hospital it was very hard to convey how busy I was while I wasn't with my wife and the whole time for me really just seemed like a blur. I don't remember much of it. I spent a great deal of time on the road making the 80 mile trek between my house and the hospital, and Richmond, and Georgia. Man it was non-stop driving, little sleep and the pressure to get stuff done and visit was really incredible. I was very frustrated, she was frustrated. I should have sold the lake house long ago, but oh well it was a learning experience.

Sit Still

My wife won't sit still. She was up doing too much stuff when she got back from the hospital. I give Kudos to all of the sisters that came to help. I'm still running around like crazy and on the road for 4 hours when I can break away from training. Looking forward to later on the today when I can go home for the weekend. I'll be on the bike. Maybe I'll take the long way home. This school is so anal. If we fart without prior approval we can get thrown out. I have a subordinate living with me and he was late 1 too many times and now he's on curfew from Sunday to Friday morning. I've got to baby sit him. Which sucks.

Horniness

I am completely not horny at all. I think something is wrong with me. Unless I'm around the Queen she brings out the best of me, but other than that haven't had a peep from bartholemew. Which is comforting seeing as how I'll be gone for a year. I have a computer and a camera so I should be good.

Lipless

I'll be going over there and I'll be blogging but you all may never see it. Why because what ever information I divulge can get either me or my teamates killed. So sorry you'll just have to deal with my quirky nonsensical blabbering. Well it is 2 am and I have to get up and run a mile and a half in the morning so I'm going to tie it in.

Peace out. When I get some more time you can expect that I'll catch up on my blogs and reading yours :).