Friday, June 29, 2007


I have been questioned about my ticker that states that I will be leaving in 2 days now, well that isn't entirely true. First of all I put that on there when I just found out that I was going and they just gave me a blank date. Now my date is more firm but one thing is standing in the balance and that is my Nephrology exam. It was found that I have protien in my urine and I said that earlier so now I am being tested for protienura. I have to be certified well before I can go across the water or at least identify what medications that I will need. So I'm being tested for this protien thing. The only good thing about it is that I get to go to civilian doctors because the military ones were full. I really don't know what it means to have protienura. It has never come up in any tests before. The doctor said that the only way to be 100% sure is to have a biopsy. I don't know if I'm all that ready to go under the knife but it is getting to the point that I have to know something.

If it comes back that I have some serious disease then I will have to stay and the Guard will have to shove me somewhere. That would be a bad thing because we are totally not prepared for that. So now I'm in the hospital about to undergo all of these tests. I had to fast the night before so I'm hungry. I had to drive over two hours on my bike to get here so my butt hurts, but Insha Allah everything will be alright.

I didn't cut my hair yesterday so I have helmet hair now. Wow I didn't know how having dial-up quickly weans one away from netsurfing. I have had high speed since I started surfing the net and to go without it is a noticable difference. I can't stand dial-up.

Oh yeah the short and skinny on when I will be leaving is that I don't know. Sorry.

Blogging with my treo. Man I love this thing.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

40 Grand

I don't know how long this post is going to be because I don't have my little keyboard.

So the students of Tasawwuf have this thing called the forty grand where for forty days you work on your deficiencies and get them under wraps for forty days and then you can move on to the next thing. This is what was presented in some information that I received in the Shuhba about the Shadhili Tarriqa or at least Sheik Nuh's strain.

On a side note I didn't join the Tarriqa mainly because my heart wasn't moved to do so. My Istikara came back negative so I didn't go forward with it. I talked to Sidi Ashraf about it and he said to make Istikara about it and I did and I wasn't moved to do so. Insha Allah when I go to California in two weeks I'll ask Imam Zaid about it or Sheik Hamza, but I have a more personal relationship with Imam Zaid.

So any way I do see the spiritual benefits of the program so I put myself on it. The first step is to make all prayers in time/on time and to not get angry. This approach makes sense because it takes like forty days to break or form a habit so it makes good psychological sense. They keep it simple for the first forty days and they also add a wird onto that for extra benefit. I chose not to do the dua but instead to read two hizb of Quran a day. The two hizb I've been able to keep Alhamdulillah, but for the last two days I haven't been able to get up for Fajr. Yesterday was the first time I was able to get up for Salaat which is odd because I'm particular about Fajr because of all of the Hadith behind it. So yesterday I wake up for Fajr and I'm going to start and as Shaytan would have it the entire house went off. My wife was frazzled because she had an important Dr's appointment and we had to get all of the kids out of the house early. My eldest daughter had a whole entire cobra up her but with attitude to match and later on the day got really rich. So my wife is yelling at the kids trying to get them out the door which is usually my job, but today I'm more laid back than usual so I'm like sauntering along. My eldest has to write lines for punishment and I'm coming close to yelling but I regain my resolve up the consequences of not having her stuff done and tell her to choose her fate. I'm composed. We are late leaving out, but I'm calm wifee's not but I am. So were rolling finally 50 miles to empty the gauge says Subhannallah we have to drive 67 miles 'we can make it I say calmly' so we are driving wifee's speeding but making headway. We're almost there 5 miles till empty 'we have enough I say' so Alhamdulillah we make it my wife has called a couple of times to tell them we we're coming in hot and they tell her to come on. She gets out runs upstairs to her appointment. Wisdom would have dictated that I kept on driving to the gas station afterwards, but I didn't we all got out and went upstairs for moral support. When we got there she was already engaged so I didn't go back to hold her hand :(. She got an IUD which I'm only saying to let the reader know that it is halaal, but permanent forms of birth control aren't halaal unless there are extreme risks to the mothers health. It is not halaal for a man to have a vasectomy. So she was in a ton of pain as she had been aptly forewarned by the women's news network, but in our haste she forgot her meds at home so she went in with only a tylonol (whatever) and not the heavy duty stuff that she wanted to have.

So she comes out in pain and we go downstairs for the standard family lunch that we get at this hospital, grilled cheese sandwiches and french fries, so healthy. So I'm saying to myself while we are eating that I should go upstairs and get her meds that they prescribed, but I stayed with the fam.

After we finish eating we go to get her meds and right after we take our number and prepare for the wait the system crashes and they tell us they can only take handwritten Dr's notes so we will have to go all the way upstairs and go through that process. So we say bang it we've got 800mg tabs at home so we jet. We get in the car and are abruptly reminded that we've run out of gas. Subhannallah! She's not just dry she's past the point of reviving. I called a friend and we put in like 4 gallons to which she said thank you, but how dare you starve me like that. So now we have to call a tow truck to tow us to a service station. Now that's going to be a minimum of $90. So much for another bill that I was going to pay. However in all of this I am still calm.

The earliest the truck could come is in like 3 hours or else it would have been $150. So we wait and wait and wait. Now its late the service station is closed. Alhamdulillah my friend that helped me with the gas allowed me to borrow his car because when the tow man came finally he had his girl in the car and I was unable to ride with him. So we pile 7 people into a camry and away we go. The Tow man was rude and detatched I'd never use that company again. So we drop our car off at mike pallone chevy dealer and I'm puzzled because I thought we were going to a Nissan dealer, but there we were and the customer service at this place was horrible too I'd never buy a car from them. I went through the whole place and not one hello can I help you. Snotty attitudes and the whole 9. So no Pallone for me.

Then we leave scrunched in the car for the 60 mile trek home. Once home my wifee has the baby and I have to get everyone else to bed. It was a long day and since this post is taking so long to post it turned out that my timing chain is broken which runs $1000 plus to fix so I guess better now than later. So the whole one step forward two steps back routine.

Well before another day passes I'm going to post this.

Blogging with my treo. Man I love this thing.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

A change a comin

As you know I have been at the Shuhba with Sheik Nuh and I can say that it has changed my life. I will be changing my blog a bit. I will be removing my sexually charged posts and going traditional I will still be brutally honest at times I don't thing that I will leave that aspect about my blog, but I will stick to topics that make you think, hopefully that might uplift your Deen and hopefully I will share some wisdom.

I know that I have been here before. I have said that I was going to change, but I didn't change anything about me, so I didn't change. Now I will change the things about myself that need to be changed in hopes that Allah will change me. The thing is folks I have always known where I am supposed to be I just never acted the part. Playing the part of the millionaire hanging out with paupers (not insinuating that any of you are paupers, but acting in a way that did not suite my station or the station that I had once achieved. The Prophet Sallah Allahu Alayhe Wa Sallam said that your Deen goes up and down the thing is that when I wanted to go back up the last time I wanted to take it easy and implement things back that I used to do little by little, however that is not how it must be done, when you have knowledge you are responsible for that knowledge and you can't feign ignorance and take it easy and smooze your way back to excellence. It doesn't work that way I don't think. When you want to change you have to go cold turkey and do what you know is right. So I'll be removing a bunch of posts. If you really must have them Google has some sort of archived site thing that you can use, but the raunchy stuff will be gone. If I happen to forget anything I'm sure that some of you will remind me.

This change will be hard, Insha Allah it will not seem so.

The Sheik said last night that Pop Music was Haram so I deleted it all off of my MP3 player except my nasheeds cause he said that they were halal. I can only speak for myself, and work for changes in myself, but I realize that I am also responsible for my family and the situation as it stands creates a Fitnah cause I have been so slack for so long, and really its only been like the last three years, but I have to make a u-turn in my family. I have to crawl ou7t of that pit, before I was afraid of the journey out of the pit but now I'm not so scared. I'm looking forward to the climb. My only fear is the fear that I have always had in terms of changing my Deen is financial stability so please make dua for me that wealth plentifulness or lack there of comes easy for my heart to handle. Without this fitnah I believe that I can be the Muslim that I want to be Insha Allah..
Blogging with my treo. Man I love this thing.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Sheik Nuh

I am attending The Suhba with Nuh Ha Mim Keller and I was not an hour into the first lesson before I started sobbing uncontrollably. Your soul never forgets. Belief is natural you have to work at being disobedient. There was too much knowledge that came through that session to share here. Insha Allah I will share some later.

Astaghfirallah, Astaghfirallah, Astaghfirallah, my soul remembers and I am sorry.

Blogging with my treo. Man I love this thing.

Friday, June 15, 2007


I had a hamster when I was young. It was cute as hamsters are. Now I was just driving down the street thinking about this. She was a single hamster all alone. So one day it came about that I got another baby girl hamster from a friend. I was so happy because 2 hamsters are better than one right? So I put the cuter teeny bopper hamster in with tiger only to experience the most traumatic experience of my young life. Within seconds tiger chased this little hamster down and delivered the fatal bite. She bit off the baby hamsters nose and within a few minutes she was dead.

So kids don't invade an old woman's home it could mean your life!

Blogging with my treo. Man I love this thing.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Death of Haiku

Ok I've been doing the one word post Haiku thing for sometime now, but now it is time for it to go by the wayside. Ok I'm sorry about the BB post. I got some weird comments off of that one. I'll keep it in the pocket. Besides girls don't want to hear about that stuff anyhowz. So I apologize I must have been in the moment. Yeah... I was, but I didn't go there and that is all that is important.

Now is coming close to me leaving and I have to save up all of my resolve for the long fast. Shaytan is busy I feel him brewing in the background. Several situations have come up that make you go "Oh I see this coming". One I broke a rule by letting out my "condition" on my blog which I told my wife I would not do because she kind of wants to keep me in my own little cell on the web which is fine there is much much more I can talk about. Like the stuff that Tariq talks about which is far more interesting than stuff like sex on a consistent basis. I didn't feel that the whole post was about sex just the opening part the rest of it wasn't, but anyways I'll be closing that door. Then I was starting think like when I go away do I really want to be churning those feelings up between us? Sure it will keep us focused on each other but that frustration gets well frustrating. So I don't know.

Training is finished I have one more class to go to before its splitsville. I'm back at my unit and what do you know the Yeoman didn't charge my leave from the last time I went on leave Woohoo! So yes I'm taking it all. I go on leave again on Monday so this is my last week yeah. I've been killing the gym. Did Sunday and Monday so far this week. Doing an hour on the elliptical until I'm dripping with sweat. Looking to get down to 215 before I leave. Not doing bad I was 236 I'm down to 220 now. I still need to drink more water.

Well I'm at work so I gotta go, but I had to post to get that BB post from the top of the list.