Saturday, December 30, 2006

Gotta love that Global Warming.

So I go around and ask people about how they like the whole global warming thing. So many people are like hey man it's cool I ain't complaining. So I'm like here it is the 30th of Dec in Alexandria, VA and it's like 56 Degrees and it's been right around there for the whole season. I mean several times on my bike I've been downright hot on my bike. All of the people sold bikes on Craigslist a couple of months ago claiming there were a still a couple of good riding days left. Turns out that the whole season has been wide open.

Everybody is all like great weather, but I'm thinking that it's the calm before the storm. If it is this hot now then that means that the Carribean and the Gulf aren't cooling down which means come summer time they are going to be nice and Hot which means there are going to be some serious storms this summer you know the kind that make Katrina look like a cool breeze. I seriously don't think that people think this Global Warming is serious but I do. I was watching Discovery Channel and they said that Global Warming/Climate Change as the number one threat to humanity and life on this planet. I think they maybe on to something. They also said that a black hole sucking the earth into it was the 7th most deadly thing. Oddly enough we have verses to this effect in the Quran. The possibility of some wandering black hole sucking the living life out of our universe is awe inspiring.

But hey keep planting that seed.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Laziness

4:74 Let those (believers) who sell the life of this world for the Hereafter fight in the Cause of Allah and whoso fights in the Cause of Allah, and is killed or gets victory, We shall bestow on him a great reward

4:75 And what is wrong with you that you fight not in the Cause of Allah, and for those weak, ill-treated and oppressed among men, women, and children, whose cry is: "Our Lord! Rescue us from this town whose people are oppressors; and raise for us from You one who will protect, and raise for us from You one who will help."

4:76 Those who believe, fight in the Cause of Allah, and those who disbelieve, fight inthe cause of Taghut (Satan, etc) So fight you against the friends of Shaitan; Ever feeble indeed is the plot of Shaitan.


Reading Quran today I came across these ayat. Followed by this one:

4:95 Not equal are those of the believers who sit (at home), except those who are disabled (by injury or are blind or lame, etc.) and those who strive hard and fight in the Cause of Allah with their wealth and their lives. Allah has preferred in grades those who strive hard and fight with ther wealth and their lives above those who sit (at home). Unto each, Allah has promised good (Paradise), but Allah has preferred those who strive hard and fight, above those who sit (at home) by a huge reward.

The passage is referencing rousing the Muslims for a particular battle (I'm not looking it up right now cause I'm being lazy :-( ) , but the jist of the Ayat are for all time and all climes. It is Ayat like these that bring to the front the magnitude of slacking that is currently being done on the part of the Muslim Ummah. I'm not saying that you should run out and grab a Kalishnikov or anything but in each realm of life these verses apply. If you are a mother at home this verse applies. Do you sit on the sofa eating Bon Bons or do you struggle with your children to learn the Quran, memorize hadith, master Arabic and generally instill in them an Islamic identity. If you are a man at the job, do you make your Salat when it is time regardless of what is going on and not put it off until after you give that presentation or have that face time with those important? people. Do you take the extra time to make that tahajjud? It applies to all of these things and most importantly it applies to spreading and establishing the Deen, which if done correctly the victory would be just as the prophet's victory complete and without any bloodshed.

How many times have we given Dawah? Connected to the world that we live in and spoke out to make a difference? We as Muslims have something to offer. We have a psychology that can help change this world that we live in for the better. We must represent both silently and aloud to spread this Deen and be of those who go forth and do not sit. Sitting is fine and all, but if you have been promised so much more for getting up and moving, why sit still?

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Off Grid

Chances are I'll be off blog land until the 30th. Eid Mubarak everyone!

Monday, December 25, 2006

I'm a Canna. Apparently not short for Cannabis


I am a
Canna


What Flower
Are You?




"You stand up for what you believe in, even if it gets in the way of what other people think. You are proud of yourself and your accomplishments and you enjoy letting people know that."

Drowning

29:2 Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested? - English

29:3 Yea, indeed, We did test those who lived before them; and so, [too, shall be tested the people now living: and] most certainly will God mark out those who prove themselves true, and most certainly will He mark out those who are lying.
Asad(29,2)
[2]

Now the thing is this. I have belief. If anyone were to debate with me from any religious camp or agnostic/atheist corner I am more than certain they would have a toe to toe battle that would definetely leave an impression. (Darwin issue soon to be revisited, just a soon as I read the books) Belief is not the problem, the problem is faith and that is a touchy subject. Many of us say we have faith but we really have issues, all of us. I suppose where I'm at I want my faith to be genuine through and true.

In my last post I wrote that there is an element of me that just doesn't care, and it's true. I was an only child and lived a life pretty isolated socially for the most part from everyone else. Not that I didn't have cousins and step-siblings but by the time I think they were a normal part of my life the solitary life had set in. My previous wife often wondered if it was necessary for her to be there at all, because I was perfectly fine being by myself. So it is with me I can take people or leave them, thank God my wife didn't settle for any such non-sense. She forced me to talk, communicate even by threatening to leave me, it worked for the first time in my life I can sit down and have a genuine conversation with genuine feelings. She brought me out of my shell, in doing so she realized that I would have to be able to tell her everything regardless if it hurt or not and then we would work through it later. It works for us, alhamdulillah. It may be a little too open for most of you, but I'm 150% satisfied with the gift Allah gave me.

What is it that I'm talking about? That connection of real concern, Real caring you know the kind of people that you ask for help and they go out of their way to help you, not because it is their job, or they are sucking up to you are anything just genuine niceness and they are just beautiful people. Well that's not me. I have my moments but for the most part I can deal without people. I give in sadaqa but there's never any real connection there. You are giving 25 cents a person to some village 4000 miles away where is the connection in that? Yes it is needed and yes it is sadaqa, but there is no human connection in that. I know people give you that whole nonsense about everyone has to help in a way that they can help, but I can't help feeling so phoney sometimes. I wish for a life with out that superficial connection of humanity. I can fake it with the best of them I suppose. Give the salaams and warm handshakes at the Masjid. Go and help someone that needs help, you know chip in, but then that is it. I don't call people, I don't write people, I don't see about anyone, I'm perfectly content being with myself. If it weren't for the women in my life I would never talk to anyone outside of this blog, Jumah or salat, or work. There isn't any real connection in that you know it is paramount of knowing a lot of names in high school so you go through the halls saying hello and then when you're home you're all alone.

So outside of my wife I have no close personal relationships, period (besides my Mom, I'm close to my Dad but I can live without calling anyone in my family. Not that we don't have a blast when we are together I just don't call) So in this I'm a phoney or at least I feel like one. Am I making any sense? So when it comes to my relationship with Allah it follows this same course unfortunately. Thank God for Salat otherwise I would only talk maybe sometimes to Allah you know that whole He's probably busy routine. Making excuses and what not for anything and everything in life. In essense this is where I feel I am. In a relationship with Allah but not really feeling that solid connection. Now be advised that I know the truth of Allah. He has answered all of my prayers everytime in one way or another. He has stopped me from my own vices even when everything was in place for them to happen. He's stopped me from my base self, and wanton desires on many occasions. He's made me completely oblivious to all kinds of seething debauchery that I might have indulged in. He's been on my side. I have no doubt of Allah's commitment to me. There are things that I know with Yakeen knowledge, but like I said knowledge doesn't equal faith and belief doesn't equal the kind of connection that you want. Being lazy and not doing anything about it doesn't help either. I look at Sheik Zaid and am like that is where I would like to be. You know those who have reached that plane with Allah have nothing to worry about. Miraculously someone provides them a house or some riba-free means of owning one. They don't have to worry about much, but the truth of the matter is we are all in that position it is just a matter of reaching out and taking it.

What is it that I want, to be real all the time, but I don't even think I have the capacity to develop that kind of relationship with other people. I don't call people cause I don't really have anything to say. Other than my wife I don't think I have made a deep connection with anyone in quite sometime, and I feel that in Islam you should have genuine concern for people. When a story comes that is heart-wrenching your heart should be wrenched. So many of us have been fake for so long it is difficult being real. It is just so much safer to put on your plastic smile and go about your business. Sheik Hamza says there is something about fake it till you make it, but honestly that is really empty and that emptiness gets to you after a while if your fake cannister of Deen never gets anything in it. Now luckily I have been there with my cannister and something in it before. When I prayed there was some depth there not just motions. Not that it is totally that way now, but I'm looking for a connection that is truly genuine.

This connection comes at a cost, it isn't free you have to pay and that is in the form of your test as referenced in the verses above. I suppose in all honesty I don't want to be tested. I'm petrified of the kinds of tests that Allah has in store for me, for if you truly want greatness then you have to be able to accept the tests that come with it. If you submit to mediocrity then you don't have to worry as much the kind of tests that Allah will send down your way unless He really just wants you to get a move on. So here I've been ducking the tests necessary for great Deen. I know they are out there and I know on the otherside is great power, but I'm just hiding here in the land of mediocrity. You have seen the effects of what languishing in your Deen can bring in my previous posts. I feel like the MIT professor hanging out with the flunkies of ITT technical, I know, I just choose to not apply for fear that the long awaited test that I have between me and a fully certified Deen comes to my front door. You will get tested and you can't quit, you can't throw your hands up in a T and yell time out. You have to hit the ground running. I know and you all know that I know so I really can't feign ignorance about the things that I've said and what I have done. I'm going to leave the old posts up so hopefully peeps will see some kind of progression out of this hole I have found myself in.

Maybe I'll volunteer at a homeless shelter so I can feel that my helping hand isn't so far away from the mouth that it feeds. Maybe I'll call someone and make a friend. I don't know how, but maybe I'll give it a shot. I can't deal with people for long periods of time, but maybe if I force myself it will become easier. I know I say that I don't care what people say in my comments but the truth is I do listen. Maybe that post two post ago was one of those help signs, but you have to be careful with those because the Salat Police will come around trying to make everything better and just make it worse. Sometimes I wish the Prophet was here and I could go to him and get one of those Dua's of his that lift the primary obstacle, but the truth is that it is here with Allah you just have to ask, and accept the fact that you will be tested. Allah knows that some of us are petrified of our test so he gave us this Dua.

2:286 On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith."

You see for the Muslim there are no excuses to not live at your fullest potential without any fear of anything what so ever.

La Hawla walaa Quwata Illa Billah.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Stealing

9:111 Lo! Allah hath bought from the believers their lives and their wealth because the Garden will be theirs: they shall fight in the way of Allah and shall slay and be slain. It is a promise which is binding on Him in the Torah and the Gospel and the Quran. Who fulfilleth His covenant better than Allah? Rejoice then in your bargain that ye have made, for that is the supreme triumph.

When you become Muslim you submit totally and completely to Allah (SWT) then you have to find the balance between complete slacker and total fanatic. However one thing remains, Allah removes from you all excuses. You have no recourse to justify any action that isn’t in striving towards perfection. There are allowances for mediocrity, but they aren’t permanent. In the hadith where the man comes to the prophet and asks him what is the bare minimum and then says that he can’t do it so then the Prophet tells him fine then just don’t lie, this is in fact a trick answer that fully obligates one to the Deen, for if you don’t lie in word and action then in fact you will adhere to all of the tenets of Islam.

My last tirade generated one comment. It wasn’t condescending or pompous it was simply one quote from a Hadith with a note attached. To be honest it could have only been the Hadith and still generated the same effect. I have been looking in the mirror now for quite sometime and have been unhappy with my Deen. However this unhappiness has been entirely my fault. Attributed to laziness or whatever the downward spiraling of my Deen has been consistent. Now let me explain that once you know you cannot return to not knowing. If you used to pray all nawafil and read a Juz a day you cannot recede to occasionally attending the Masjid for salat. So the fact is once you reach a peak you need to continue to slowly hone your Deen. If you fail and stop then your soul starts hurting and then you have to come to a point where you consciously fight against it so that you can slack, but you are never settled. The fact that you know brings you to a state of I hear, but I just can’t deal with that right now.

I think this condition is one that inevitable of the Salat Police. Eventually they will come to a realization that they are the biggest hypocrite that has walked the planet and then they begin to back off. It happens eventually to anyone who is self-puffed up with their Deen to the point that they actually think that they are something. It is from that realization and retreating to revival and return to sound faith that can build a stronger faith. This is where I am. I used to feel sound and prideful of where I was in the Deen and then I realized that in reality I didn’t know anything and so I stopped. I stopped debating and giving Dawah, I stopped reading and writing about the Deen, I stopped praying nawafil, I stopped learning Arabic I just stopped and chose a steady state. Just pray your prayers until you find your way again. Now the problem is that I can’t feign ignorance when I do something. When I do something I know that I’m doing it. I know that I’m being a fasiq and doing wrong, but I don’t really do anything about it either out of laziness or just complete morbitude of faith.

The half-faith, the languishing state between full knowledge and lack of faith; in reality there can be no lack of faith because I have not entered the state of denying any of the Faraid. I cannot deny when someone reproaches me on the Deen. I cannot say that this is not what it is and then not expose the dangers of certain actions. I can’t because I have sound knowledge to the contrary. So in essence I am in obstinate rebellion. AstagfirAllah! A state that you don’t want to find yourself in. However once you have knowledge you find yourself in that state all the time. You can’t have Riba, but you constantly find yourself in new Riba accepting situations. It isn’t lack of faith that is the problem because once you have faith you don’t lose it you just choose to either act on it or not act on it. It is inaction that causes lack of faith and problems in your Deen.

I have looked at the man in the mirror for a while now and I haven’t liked what I’ve seen. In truth I can’t make a second blog for the purpose of writing down my most wildest fantasies and thoughts that aren’t necessarily in accordance with Quran and Sunnah. I can but I know that I would be wrong. Islam is about reaching the highest plane. If you choose to take a break and procrastinate on life all of the post prior to this one is where you will be within your own reality of course.

So I must concede my inaction and return to that which I know is right. This is the hardest part because when you decide to change that is when all the world is alerted and staying the same becomes seemingly the most easiest thing to do. You have to change and pray for company that will make easier.

You can’t stop, I can’t stop just as the world keeps turning, but in reality I am in that Deen limbo. In effect I want my Deen to reflect where I truly want to be, real. In other words I know what’s right and what I should do a lot of times, but I just don’t care a lot of times or it doesn’t come naturally. Like I don’t interact with people mostly so things like generating genuine feelings is oh so difficult sometimes. It is complicated and I will have to revisit this later. All the kids are up and the window of serious thinking is quickly closing. So I’ll have to come back to this and think about this some more.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

I'm Scared for her.

Ok all I hope that is my last rant, well maybe not. I'm sure I'll rant on in the future. This however is scared for my wifee. She is one stitch away from death. She went to work last night and I told her that it would be the last time that she would be going. I was kind of aloof of the severity of the situation. The fact is if her bag where to rupture she would be dead in minutes. There is no ambulatory service that would be able to get to my house in time to save her. If it ruptured while she was driving she would probably crash, and she has a lead foot like me, and she usually has all of the kids.

So I really have to rethink this whole situation. I think I'm going to send my kids away to my dad's for the next 4 months. She doesn't want me to there are some here that will watch, but I need to get a second job too. I don't know, but I do know that I want my wife more than any check she can bring in.

I'll call my friend and see if I can use his direct tv stuff. They say that the pay is pretty good. And then there's that other tech place that I can probably log into. I forget the name, but I'll check that out too. I have to get the house finished though so I'm like screwed. Insha Allah we will all make it.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Ménage a Trios



~~~~ WARNING ~~~~


Hello all this post is going to be raw and uncut. If you have ever had any respect for me and wish to retain said respect skip this post. If you are new to the Deen skip this post. If you are under 18 skip this post. I will not employ any tact, or politically correct statements. I will say things that are brash and I will NOT be doing any apologizing. So if you wish you can proceed, but don’t come with any self-serving comments of condescending self-righteousness because you will have been warned well in advance. I do however know you and I know that you will keep reading because most of you are women and women have the single most ardent desire… to KNOW Everything.

~~~~ WARNING ~~~~


I was so pissed earlier today. 8 hours later I have had the chance to calm down a bit. I was hoping to retain some of that rawness but the self-reproaching self seeps in. Let’s go back. I was reproached by PM on the comments of the She’s not that type post in which she brought up out of direction of her own self the topic of a threesome that I had posted on a while ago. I was taken aback about this fact so I looked at the original apology post (which only a small circle of you bloggers/readers know the truth about), then I looked at the She’s not that type? Post and in both instances I found no references to threesomes. So I’m like why bring it up? I have already stated that the P door is shut and there is not a recourse to a new one. Furthermore I posted that the extinct idea of slavery is out of the picture just incase someone had a remote idea that I would try to use that angle. So all and all I was at a loss of where this nonsense was coming from. Why this topic? Why now? Actually peeps who cares it is out there now. Now I respect PM, she’s a great Sister, she has great articles on her site. She has lots of wisdom to pass down as displayed in her comments on other peoples blogs. I think she’s been a little different every since the lies and the liars that tell them post, but all and all I think she’s awesome sister.

Then she comes out with this supposedly scalding accusation and calling me out for wanting a Threesome or something. I’m like what? Where is this nonsense coming from?

"If we are going to be honest here, Muhammad, let's be COMPLETELY honest. Threesomes were not just a fantasy left in the head for you... "

Like I’m supposed to flinch or something. Like I’m supposed to crawl into a ball and yell out no it’s not true. Listen PM I can care less what any starry-eyed monitor entity is thinking of me, so lets move from sophistically platonic to stark brash and bold. Why don’t you just ask it straight out. Do you want a Threesome? I’ll save you the coy bantering and back and forth tit for tat frilly fuddle. HELL YEAH I WANT A THREESOME!! With emphasis I say it and I’m not going to be subtle about it or try to brandish any false piety on the issue. Is that what you want to know? Let’s go all the way into it, because I want to know. I want to know if I have what it takes to satisfy two (or more) women at the same time. I want to know if I have the ability to keep cool in a session of intense orgasmic release. Can I regain potency and go again and again. I want to see it, experience it, and know it. Know the feeling of being fully intertwined with two women that I love and they love me. To see their sweat soaked bodies glistening in the moonlight entangled in the sheets of our passion, watching them sleep in complete bliss of the most enigmatic night of our lives while I sip on Martinellis. Yes I want to know if I can dominate them like a summer sunset on the south pacific. If you have ever seen one you know that the sun is exceptionally red and captivating. You cannot release your eyes from it. The smell of the ocean is intoxicating as it sinks slowly into the sea, releasing way to the cool breeze of the tropical night. To feel their flesh pressed against mine, beautiful and sublime. Yes I want to know. So there you go. Big frigging whoop.

IF I WERE IN P this would be my test. IF I WERE IN P I would have to undergo the daily process of resisting the urge of simultaneously rubbing thighs to see what happens. Just like it would be for the Alcoholic that lives amidst other alcoholics or converts to Islam where alcohol is forbidden. The desire does not subside. It is only an individuals mind that overcomes the impulse of the flesh. Wanting it and doing it are two entirely different things. I can want it all day long. If I really wanted to do something about it I’m sure it could be realized for less than $200 bucks at any time in my life. So what IS YOUR POINT? That I’m a deviant? I doubt it for such a standard issue fantasy. I mean it is the one most boys pick up with their jock straps and sweat shirts. Do a search anywhere of what is the most popular fantasy of men (western men) and I’m sure it would yield a threesome. Let’s do a poll, Guys if you could make it with two hot ladies would you do it? Religion and marriages aside just a sterile question would you do it? I don’t know what kind of response I would get if men choose to respond, but I’m more than sure it is a common trend. So I ask again What is your Point? Where’s the shock value? The Ku Kux Klan doesn’t like blacks…AND!?!?! What?

Going back to June someone emailed me of a posting from Sunnipath and there were some quotes there for a brother who asked about if a man had two wives could he have a ménage a trios and the scholar said no and he referenced two aHadith which state that the MAN that goes into his wife and then tells is the worst kind of man. Now at face value this applies to both MEN and WOMEN. ACTUALLY I’M NOT GOING TO MISLEAD ANYONE IT DOES APPLY TO BOTH MEN AND WOMEN SAYING THIS TO KEEP THE OFFICIAL OFFICIAL. Looking at this I’m going to go on to say that only the lowest of MAN tells another MAN what he does with women, married or not. It is the worst type of character that does that. No man wants to hear of the exploits of another man. Girls in case you didn’t know MEN DON’T TALK. It is an unwritten code from birth or something. Another man will never know what goes on behind the walls of a man’s house from his lips. WOMEN on the other hand tell all, or almost. I’ve been married twice and both wives could tell me about anything that was going on in just about any house, why? Because girls talk, A Lot it seems. So although the aHadith apply to both men and women I think that it is a stroke of great wisdom that MEN were addressed directly and not women. For the most part the names are excluded to protect the innocent (or guilty), but the process of deduction is limited to the circle of the woman’s network. If she has a large circle she can easily get away with I know this sister, but if her network is small you know exactly who she’s talking about. I think MEN were addressed directly because of women’s social system. Women use others to validate and collaborate to produce a better product. If a husband’s member is too large she asks what do you do? If it is to small she asks what do you do? If he isn’t considerate, or compassionate or think about that anniversary some girlfriend somewhere is going to know. Those are just the facts. Women are going to talk, most probably about everything including what goes on in the bedroom. If you are a woman I’m sure you know what is going on in one of your friends bedroom. So I think there is more wisdom behind those ahadith that just what is present on the surface, but I accept them as they are conveyed by the scholars which is that they apply to both sexes.

This journey into and out of P has made some things very clear to me. One for me the desire of a ménage a trios existed long before Islam. I think I was like 5 or something. Then it was all about the sex and the passion. Then I became Muslim which defined the parameters of having more than one woman. This however didn’t change the desire. Initially it was shielded in aspirations of grandeur, saving the Ummah, being a noble husband and father. In the end though the root of all my polygynous dreams was the desire for plural wives and plural sex. After the final answer from my ex-cowife I had to acquiesce to that fact. It was depressing honestly, but still it remains. I still want it, and I suppose that I always will in the recesses of my mind where it is safely stowed away. I suppose the same place we stow away all of our vices.

Maybe it was closet freakiness that you struck out of the left side of the closet with this attack (as perceived by me). I assume it was an attack that I am possessed to deconstruct it. Women are freaky just like men are. They have their fetishes and wants. Fantasies that they have abound. Things that men wouldn’t even think of or things that they can’t think of with their significant other. Men are conditioned to think that women don’t think about sex. I know from experience that is not the case. Women’s fantasies abound from the mild to wild. I’m not accusing the sister or nothing of being a straightforward missionary type or anything that would shake her head at anything other than the extremely mundane. I think that it is necessary to be realistic with our sexuality. Most primarily to our spouses and not the whole world like on this blog. I however don’t really care what most think, because I think that I answer a lot of questions that women would ask their husbands but don’t dare.

Now I have to sum this post up in some kind of way or just say screw it and stop. Sleepy now no more steam. I’m sure someone will stir the pot tomorrow. PM I have nothing against you, and I still respect you and keep you in my dua. Just know that I don’t have a second wife, the P door is shut, and I don’t cheat, swing or pay so there is no path for me to have a ménage a trios so you can calm down my abstinence has been taken care of.

I’m on watch, but the back of my eyelids is getting more appealing. So I’m stopping. Good night all and Aslallamu A’laikum.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Finding out

Ok here we are in MRI I can't see anything except those fuzzy gray images. She measures the head first. The head looks good. The tech slides around the goop on wifee's belly. It's a boy she says. We are pleased. My wifee says that's it no more it is all bc after this. Goodbye babies hello fest! I just hope she doesn't spoil him while I'm gone.

At first I didn't see the sex then a couple of pictures in it became crystal clear. The tech was really good. She took like a bazillion pictures. First she used the little paddle thingy and then she had to use the little dildo wand and found that she might have a C section because she has complete placenta previa so she may have to undergo surgery at the same time the cerclage comes out.

Which means no fest frigg!! Ugggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!! No more cheating either it is literally a matter of life and death.

If she doesn't blog I'll send her your Salaams.

Blogging with my Treo... Man I love this thing.

She's not that type?

Recently in one of my compassionate apologizing moments someone made the comment that my wife didn't look like she made a good candidate for polygamy. The comment was made by someone I perceive to be in a lot of pain right now so I make dua for her, but I got to thinking I know of no one on the Muslim polygamy circuit to be a prime candidate for polygamy. As far as I know all of the situations report that it was sprung on them in standard ambush fashion and the women just chose to keep their marriage. Of the two situations that I know where the husband sought counsel with the wife beforehand both husbands retracted their quest out of love of their wives. So tell me who is the polygamy type? Do you know? Is there one? As for my wife she is a woman that knows her bounds and her husband is a man that respects them. Why because her heart is in mine and mine in hers and never shall the two part Insha Allah. P is wanted but a peaceful life with my wife is wanted more than that.

Blogging with my Treo... Man I love this thing.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Super Evil

I have been thinking for some time now about this post. Looking at the conflicts around the world noticing the evil that they display. The African conflicts being the most brutal it seems with the machete-ing of innocents. What is that. I feel that the governments of the west that send their agents to foriegn lands to debilitate their governments and incite war for the betterment of all to fat corporations in their homeland are creating an evil that can only be summed up as the Super Evil. That evil that is not afraid of powers that be or the good of humanity. The evil that will take a machete to a newly born child regardless of race, or creed or origin without discretion. That evil that will send megaton bombs to diverse populations of innocent people without as much as blinking an eye. That evil that will seep plutonium and other poisons into the water supply of unsuspecting populations to sway the future generations to a life of servitude, disease and hopelessness.

Before I wrote that terrorism and riots never affect whom they claim to be against, Well the fact is neither do wars. I suppose that Saddam could have been taken out with a few Spec Ops, but no we had to drop Megaton Bombs on the place. I mean if they really wanted him all they had to do was feign some sort of recognition award and attract him to a spot where they could off-him. Or better yet since we put him in office, just revoke his status. He was a good dog I'm sure he would have stood down.

What I'm concerned with is the soldiers that are out there in these conflict zones coming home to Mama. Which in many cases is the US. Many of the Afghan freedom fighters live here, South & Central Americans live here, Africans live here and just about any other nationality from any conflict zone lives here. I ask what happens when or if they turn against the nation who most probably instigated the conflict in the first place. What then? Will I have to worry about a machete weilding mob coming to cut down all of the Muslims in Fredericksburg? Or all the blacks? Or everybody born in September or some other such nonsense?

As Americans we tend to think of our country kind of being invincible. However we fail to realize how delicate the balance really is. Yes we are a mighty nation, but that might depends upon several frailties remaining in place. Trust is a big one. Trust that the nation will come to the aid of it's citizens. Hurricane Katrina quickly dispelled that myth, at least not as quickly as the multitudes of impoverished would like, and if you notice they and their images are no longer seen on the evening news but their plight continues. If other natural or manmade catastrophes where to take place in our country in a relatively short span of time the Trust that we have in our government would be severely eroded. The next is respect/fear if it were to happen that the grand populace no longer respected or feared our government then all chaos would break loose. Could you imagine that all of a sudden everyone on the freeway accelerated to 110 mph and refused to slow down even at the presence of State troopers with lights blaring. The only thing that would stop them is an accident and the hopes that everyone else would obey the rules. If there arose an organization that strategically attacked those institutions that instilled trust in the governement or imposed respect or fear then our nation would quickly enter a downward spiral into a military state something which the Patriot Act was designed for and America home of the free would cease to exist.

Is it so implausible? No, America is primarily fashioned after Rome in ideology and therefore will most plausibly follow it's fate whereas it is not confronted by an outside conflict, but moreover an internal ones, mainly spurned by greed and individual gain. It would only seem logical that if one were to seek to destroy this great nation that one only has to center upon the greed of it's leaders, the rest is entirely predictable.

So you say that the next great terrorist attack is not done in the interest of a political party, or a religious calling or no other noble cause, but just simply to affect the markets and make a couple of million dollars. Then to use that to sell to nations, groups, political ideologies. In essence to subcontract the destruction of the free world. This is the point that embarks the era of the Super Evil, because when America falls all of the horrors that have been predominate in the world will come home to roost and the ensuing power vacuum that it will leave behind will open the door to many atrocities. So as hated as America may be in various places around the world it is currently in everyones best interest that it remain in place. If America where to fall the clamour to power will destroy nations of innocents

So I am aware and very apprehensive of the Super Evil.

Blog Changes

I'm going to change somethings on my blog. I am going to take a cue from Safa and just moderate my comments, that way anyone can comment and if you don't want me to post it just say so.

When I leave for Bahrain I will probably make a private blog that will be by invitation only. So I know who I'm corrupting. LOL 12 months without wifee, gonna be some juicy stuff. Or not I still have to debate that one. I could be getting myself in trouble.

I gotta get back to my 1,000 words a day. I kinda left off of that. I gotta do a reflections of the day too just to keep some perspective.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Ugg

My efforts to Blog by telepathy have failed miserably. Coincedentally writing on the screen isn't too fruitful either, so I will have to rely on archaic means of posting, standby for the next post. Mmmm uuuuuuuugggg nope I'm gonna have to type it.

Blogging with my Treo... Man I love this thing.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Silly thoughts

Could you imagine if for 24 hours you could only respond to people with the same voice and intensity of a full blown O. Kind of like the when Harry Met Sally scene you know? I can see it now sitting in a restaurant "YES serve that salad baby" it would be odd because it is not the same for everyone, but it would be funny as a thought.

Blogging with my Treo... Man I love this thing.

To all

I've decided not to end my blog. Why? Because primarily it's my frigging blog. I'm going to keep posting stuff and as my Deen gets back to a state of complete obedience my posts will affect people on a higher plane. I am just a man after all. I feel, I laugh, I cry I have doubts and aspirations. (I'm pissed now cause I wrote a lot more, but my Treo doesn't cache things into memory like a pc) .Anyways I had said that at this point in my life I just need to blog. So I may say things that are cold and harsh or sweet and lovely, or things that are completely innappropriate to say. Just know that this is where I am now. I'm really not concerned with armchair critics. I censored some of my blog because of the affect on my wife and ex-cowife's relationships not necessarily because I felt like censoring my blog, with the exception of the stuff that I shouldn't have posted in the first place because of the sensitive nature.
The truth is that I'm going to keep posting here, sometimes without thinking which will inevitably be taken down, probably, maybe or not. For the new Muslim reading my blog know that I'm just a human and right now I'm not being the most Muslim. Know that you will go through things in your Deen and you may not have the energy to be as Muslim as you should, just never lose sight of the final goal and Insha Allah you will make it. Don't lie, call a sin a sin. Those who lose their way decieve themselves first and then they are open to anything.

Gotta go home now. Kiddies are with big sis.

Blogging with my Treo... Man I love this thing.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

180 out

Okay all I think that I've corrupted the masses enough. I know that sex is very interesting stuff to talk about but it has caused too much fitnah. Me talking about my innermost feelings has caused too much fitnah, so I'll have to go boring for a while until I can find a niche of stuff to talk about that if it hurts people's feelings it won't be potentially Deen damaging. Like where you put your hands in Salat or something lame. (Not that how you pray is lame it is just a well debated subject amongst the ignorant. How you pray can be researched in all of the works of fiqh). I think my sexual views are less conflictory and safer to talk about than my political views. I don't know guys I'll find ground somewhere.

Sorry to the brother that I caused a ripple in his relationship. May Allah bless your marriage and you live a long happy life. My intention in this blog isn't to cause fitnah, but to give a male perspective. So that women know what a man thinks (especially if they don't have that kind of relationship with their husband, not that I am interested in usurping their place as a husband, or a lover or anything else, but just so they can get an understanding of what a man may be thinking, kind of like a close brother). I don't mean to cause fitnah. I would just like others to be able to develop a relationship as close as mine. Now though I am in turmoil of how can I add benefit to others without causing massive amounts of fitnah. In both my relationship and yours.

My interest in psychology adds curiosity of why people think the way that they do. So I guess I'll think of something because this blog helps me get it out. I don't know what I would do without it. I've deleted several posts and a few comments. So from here on is a renewal. It may be more of the same, but harnessed by what is and what is not Islamic. Wow. How this blog has grown. Insha Allah it will metamorphasize into something that is beneficial to all that read it.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Updated word cloud


Hello all I updated my word cloud. I like this one better.

I am a man

I know that this is no surprise to you all. It also is no surprise to you all that men frequently make mistakes. I want to apologize to my wife for putting words into her mouth about what I assumed she felt and wanted. I made a few statements a while back as if my wife said them when the statements were merely my interpretations of her feelings. I am sorry. I also made a statement in regards to a conversation I had with my ex co wife in which I became very aroused that made people think it was more than it was and for that I am sorry again for not elaborating on the situation and bringing her character into question. I wonder if I should just delete my blog and stop.

Begin the idea storm

Ok the last post got me thinking what do I really enjoy, besides sex. Is ideas so we begin the never ceasing challenge to come up with more concepts and Ideas and become completely alive. I'm going to start posting some really weird concepts on here so just hold on. I found this article and immediately thought it was a great concept check it out and tell me what you think.

Darwin was wrong

Any indepth study into evolutionism and Darwinism will let you know that Darwin was an Idiot. Honestly the racism that his further works which state that the Irish are the cesspool of human evolution and must be prevented from mating at all costs will let you know the depth of his idiocrisy. If only the anti-evolutionist would quote such statements they would get further. (Technically this is heresay from John Taylor Gatto I have to actually read the book he quotes, but I still think Darwin is an idiot)

So I was watching this special on the Discovery Science channel about how the earth was formed and everything. Very interesting stuff and how land is formed and the whole tectonic plates thing. It was all very interesting and stimulating. So then I began to reflect on how the Quran hadith state how we got here. Modern Science for lack of a decent reference point state that we evolved out of millions of years of evolution from base life systems. I say not. I think that as spiritualist we are looking at the entire thing in the wrong context. The Quran states that Adam was in Heaven and messed up and was sent here. In other words he is an alien, and so are we all. I reflected on this point (Amazing Earth Part 1 & 2) that to get water to our planet giant Ice comets crashed into the earth colliding with the heat to produce the oceans and everything. I hypothesize that in that water was life frozen from where-ever it came from and from this life began on this planet. If this theorem can hold true then also the theorem of more advanced life forms arriving to this planet in similar fashion. This lessens the likelyhood of evolution as a whole on the grand scale, because some of what he theorizes as evolution does hold true on a micro scale, but does not pan out on a macro specie defining level. Also looking back at the old ape to man charts that they have force fed us with over the years I notice a distinct cut from one specie to the next. Our planet is in a constant state of flux and Allah creates and then recreates. I believe that each creation has its time and place and then meets with its apocalypse only to have a subsequent creation supplant it. The humonoids that have roamed this planet may have had their own revelations and subsequent destructions only to be upgraded however they didn't blend into the next iteration of humonoid, but were completely replaced. So the relevancy of our destruction is purely singular in nature and completely disconnected from the rest of life on this planet. So that our existance is involved in a myriad of existences and our heaven will be one of many heavens in the grand scheme of everything that the creator has made.

This is an indepth theory that is in its infancy however I believe that it would solve a lot of the debating that the "Abrahamic" religions fight with science because it forms a platform that is rational and plausible. I'm not a scientist or anything, but it would make sense to me to think outside of the box on this one. As a Muslim I know for a fact that Adam didn't start his existence on this planet he was sent here from someplace else. (Well I still have to get that explained by a scholar so don't completely take that as Haqq, but you know what I'm saying) So then my theory would go on to state that for each organism that lived on this planet and then became extinct like cromangnum man (I think I spelled that wrong) had his existence and prophets and guidance and his existence ran its course and they met with their Judgement Day and then the cycle repeated itself and so now here we are. We will live our lives as Homo Sapiens until our time is called and then we will return, possibly replaced by some other type of Homo (It means human not Gay sheesh LOL)

Well that is my theory, based on my interpretation of Quranic verses. The only question is the 30' tall people that walked the earth we still have to find some of those remains and then everything will be in place, er I think.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Movie BS

Monster Movies: Depend on the basic premise that this gigantic or small creature has been in existence for this long without a constant food source until these idiots come along and supply it as long as the movie is going. What is that all about.

Ghost Movies: Depend on the basic premise that the ghost isn't going to get his ass kicked once his victims cross over to the other side. I know that would be my first motivation. Frigging ghosts.

Hostage Movies: Depend on the basic premise that those being held actually care about life. The entire mood changes when the assailant says you're gonna do what I say or I'm going to kill her and the response is go ahead we didn't know that bint anyway, or you can't shoot fast enough to kill us all. I was watching Firewall and assuming the husband didn't care about his family the entire movie would be over. I think Kaiser Sose handled it best He killed everyone including his family then went after the crime bosses. They then were without leverage against him, and subseqently died. Or the Schwarzenegger movie where they steal his daughter and he's all like so now you gotta do what we tell you to and he kills that guy.

Romance: The guy always gets the girl or the guy of their choice. In real life that crap doesn't work that way for a lot of people.

Action: Those guys never run out of bullets.

Feel free to add your stuff.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

6 Weird things

I've been tagged by Al-Mayara and asked to divulge 6 weird things about myself, so here goes nothing.

Here are the rules: Each player of this game starts with the "6 Weird Things about You." People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

As a man you know this whole tag thing is Gay (referencing standard American euphamisms) LOL, but here goes. LOL no offence to monosexual or heteroflexible peeps reading.

1. I have to eat only one thing on my plate at a time. I don't care if they touch, but I'll eat all of the beans and then all of the carrots, then the meat and the bread last. This drives my wifee nuts because she's like that's not how you eat that. Especially when things are supposed to be sopped up with dinner rolls.

2. I use the mess to irritation threshold when deciding to clean. When the mess becomes so extensive that it is completely irritating to look at then I will clean meticulously until the most minute detail has been addressed.

3. When fantasizing I have to justify everything. Like when I used to fantasize about going into P then my current family had to suffer some drastic accident like a plane crash or something before I could justify retiring to some third world country to effectively max out on wives because it is cheaper there and I would be able to afford it them and my feelings would be numb and I wouldn't really get a chance to develop the type of relationship that I had with my wife. Weird complex stuff.

4. I talk to myself some times very passionately (not as in romance but like Malcolm X) about ideas and inventions and concepts. Usually very embarassing when someone walks in on me.

5. When I'm talking on the phone to my wife and she gets quiet, I make up stories of dancing midgets doing various crazy things to ensure that she's not asleep while spilling my guts out.

6. I too have to sleep with a blanket not a sheet or any other flimsy covering, a blanket regardless of how hot it is.

Ok there you go.

I tag:

My wife: as if I didn't know

The University of Toronto Blurker

The ISNA Blurker

The Minneapolis Blurker

The rest of My Blurkers (titled as such because I can only choose six otherwise you would have been included.)

Anonymous (Because even if you are a blurker you can retain your anonymity so your crazy ass husband doesn't pull out the ax. You can post your six things here in my blog to retain your anonymity.)

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I got orders!

I'm going to Bahrain for a year. I thought my wife would be happy because we talked about it pretty extensively and sat down in Shura and decided that is what I would be doing and I put it as my first choice and Blam the decision came back that is where I'm going. I don't know how enjoyable it will be because of the climate. It is not going to be like I'm going there to socialize and relax and form a brotherhood with the brothers or anything, but maybe I can make Hajj. I mean it is like right across the lake. My wife was not happy when I told her the news. I think that it is going to be alright. If her sister could do it while her husband did back to back tours in the zone I think she can handle just one. So now I gotta make Cheif. I get my camera too. Sweet, I think. My renter isn't paying and Insha Allah she will be getting married so you know. Anyways gotta go a do work. I'll be right next to PM sort of.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Free a Slave

I think that I have joked about the whole women whose right hand possess thing. However the fact of the matter is it is no joking matter. A small glimpse into the dark reality of what is modern slavery quickly takes me to a place of activism and education even if it is only this blog entry. I started by researching and asking you to research beaten wife syndrome. A look into the cycle of abuse and the psychological affects that is associated with it. I came across this description.

 

Psychology of the Battered Woman Syndrome

FOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL STAGES OF
THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME

DENIAL

 
The woman refuses to admit--even to herself--that she has been beaten or that there is a "problem" in her marriage. She may call each incident an "accident". She offers excuses for her husband's violence and each time firmly believes it will never happen again.

GUILT

 
She now acknowledges there is a problem, but considers herself responsible for it. She "deserves" to be beaten, she feels, because she has defects in her character and is not living up to her husband's expectations.

ENLIGHTENMENT

 
The woman no longer assumes responsibility for her husband's abusive treatment, recognizing that no one "deserves" to be beaten. She is still committed to her marriage, though, and stays with her husband, hoping they can work things out.

RESPONSIBILITY

 
Accepting the fact that her husband will not, or can not, stop his violent behavior, the battered woman decides she will no longer submit to it and starts a new life.

 

This information is located here. So like I was saying I was looking at how Pimps are able to keep their victims and came across this Google Search leading me here. I remember when I was in Hawaii meeting an activist that was a former prostitute who started a non-profit organization SOS Sisters offering Support who spoke on our Islamic radio show about the reality of Hawaii as a hub for sex-trafficking because of it’s location Hawaii and Guam are revolving doors for sexual slavery throughout Japan and other countries.

 

I fear for any headstrong runaway that find themselves in the coils of the sex trade. It is a sinister reality, I did not know that the problem was so expansive. You can’t help but feel sorrowful about the situation. I think some of the latest movies that have come out have shown light on the traffic of Slavic and Eastern European traffic trade however the immensity and magnitude of the problem is epidemic.

 

In my job I was apart of an operation that prevented a Chinese human smuggling attempt. However I do not know how successful we were really looking back at it. We stopped a Chinese vessel with immigrants trying to come to the west. They were in dire conditions. They were to be transported and sold into sweatshops in the U.S. The women & girls would be sold into brothels here in America. They would be told that they had to work off their debt and never told how much that was. The crew felt good that we intercepted this evil, however what actually happened to the people is beyond us. We played Amistad on our boat and felt all patriotic or important or whatever. I suppose in the end they were returned to the worse than crappy conditions that they were trying to flee, and relegated to an unending servitude to the thugs that put them on the boat in the first place. So a life of prostitution in the U.S. or a life of really hard prostitution in China either way it sucks.

 

Do I have time to take up a cause? I don’t know I suppose that you have time to do whatever you set your mind to. I don’t know what I will do with this knowledge after this post, or if I will do anything else at all. I know that I will pray though. Pray for all of those who are completely unable to help themselves.

 

I suppose in the end the link between battered women, prostitutes and pimps is the psychological cycle that binds them. The hope that things will get better, the fear of reprisal, and despair of help ever arising or actually being real. I know of a story of a woman being beaten in public and a dignitary from the country offering a way out and it being refused. I suppose in the heart of the battered woman there is a seed of the original love and from that seed the hope of a beautiful tree sprouting out continues to shine. I believe that until one chooses to no-longer be oppressed they will continue to be oppressed. The Quran states that oppression is worse than slaughter and I can see how. For in oppression the victim eventually gets overtaken with despair and in despair there is no faith and nothing honorable, and finally they severe their connection with Allah Subhannahu Wa Tala. I wonder if Allah then rewards them with Jennah for the Hellish conditions that they have to go through.

 

I pray for all of those in those situations of slavery and those locked in a mental cycle of beaten wife syndrome Insha Allah they will be rewarded for their trials in this life and in the hereafter. Ameen.

 

Just thinking

So I'm thinking right about how it is that so many read my blog and never post anything in the way of comments. How much more are at Safa's blog that do so. I think now I'm up to 20 hits a day consistently. I guess I never really realize how many eyes are pouring over these pages.

Blogging with my Treo... Man I love this thing.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Smooth Jazz

Okay peeps can someone tell me why it's always gotta be Smooth Jazz? Why not soulful jazz? Silky, sexy, soft, titillating, chilling or whatever. Fifty states and 430 cities and the only two words radio stations across the nation can come up with is Smooth Jazz? Get bent.

105.9 if you were wondering. :)

Blogging with my Treo... Man I love this thing.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Kant touch dis

So I'm in the silver bullet after picking up a friend from work and we like pull up next to these guys. You know the type compete aerodynamics package hella loud muffler. So the light changes and off we go, and he like floors it Wwoooooooooooooo....Wwoooooooo...Wwooo. So I'm like please Juan! So I start with the gas and now we are at the next light. So I'm revving the engine and the light changes and I'm off Wwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! Smoked him and I'm all like Daaaaaang homes you got smoked by a minivan bro. You better never tell Consuelo you got smoked by a geezer in a minivan. Muahahahahaha!

Blogging with my Treo... Man I love this thing.