Friday, December 22, 2006

Ménage a Trios

~~~~ WARNING ~~~~

Hello all this post is going to be raw and uncut. If you have ever had any respect for me and wish to retain said respect skip this post. If you are new to the Deen skip this post. If you are under 18 skip this post. I will not employ any tact, or politically correct statements. I will say things that are brash and I will NOT be doing any apologizing. So if you wish you can proceed, but don’t come with any self-serving comments of condescending self-righteousness because you will have been warned well in advance. I do however know you and I know that you will keep reading because most of you are women and women have the single most ardent desire… to KNOW Everything.

~~~~ WARNING ~~~~

I was so pissed earlier today. 8 hours later I have had the chance to calm down a bit. I was hoping to retain some of that rawness but the self-reproaching self seeps in. Let’s go back. I was reproached by PM on the comments of the She’s not that type post in which she brought up out of direction of her own self the topic of a threesome that I had posted on a while ago. I was taken aback about this fact so I looked at the original apology post (which only a small circle of you bloggers/readers know the truth about), then I looked at the She’s not that type? Post and in both instances I found no references to threesomes. So I’m like why bring it up? I have already stated that the P door is shut and there is not a recourse to a new one. Furthermore I posted that the extinct idea of slavery is out of the picture just incase someone had a remote idea that I would try to use that angle. So all and all I was at a loss of where this nonsense was coming from. Why this topic? Why now? Actually peeps who cares it is out there now. Now I respect PM, she’s a great Sister, she has great articles on her site. She has lots of wisdom to pass down as displayed in her comments on other peoples blogs. I think she’s been a little different every since the lies and the liars that tell them post, but all and all I think she’s awesome sister.

Then she comes out with this supposedly scalding accusation and calling me out for wanting a Threesome or something. I’m like what? Where is this nonsense coming from?

"If we are going to be honest here, Muhammad, let's be COMPLETELY honest. Threesomes were not just a fantasy left in the head for you... "

Like I’m supposed to flinch or something. Like I’m supposed to crawl into a ball and yell out no it’s not true. Listen PM I can care less what any starry-eyed monitor entity is thinking of me, so lets move from sophistically platonic to stark brash and bold. Why don’t you just ask it straight out. Do you want a Threesome? I’ll save you the coy bantering and back and forth tit for tat frilly fuddle. HELL YEAH I WANT A THREESOME!! With emphasis I say it and I’m not going to be subtle about it or try to brandish any false piety on the issue. Is that what you want to know? Let’s go all the way into it, because I want to know. I want to know if I have what it takes to satisfy two (or more) women at the same time. I want to know if I have the ability to keep cool in a session of intense orgasmic release. Can I regain potency and go again and again. I want to see it, experience it, and know it. Know the feeling of being fully intertwined with two women that I love and they love me. To see their sweat soaked bodies glistening in the moonlight entangled in the sheets of our passion, watching them sleep in complete bliss of the most enigmatic night of our lives while I sip on Martinellis. Yes I want to know if I can dominate them like a summer sunset on the south pacific. If you have ever seen one you know that the sun is exceptionally red and captivating. You cannot release your eyes from it. The smell of the ocean is intoxicating as it sinks slowly into the sea, releasing way to the cool breeze of the tropical night. To feel their flesh pressed against mine, beautiful and sublime. Yes I want to know. So there you go. Big frigging whoop.

IF I WERE IN P this would be my test. IF I WERE IN P I would have to undergo the daily process of resisting the urge of simultaneously rubbing thighs to see what happens. Just like it would be for the Alcoholic that lives amidst other alcoholics or converts to Islam where alcohol is forbidden. The desire does not subside. It is only an individuals mind that overcomes the impulse of the flesh. Wanting it and doing it are two entirely different things. I can want it all day long. If I really wanted to do something about it I’m sure it could be realized for less than $200 bucks at any time in my life. So what IS YOUR POINT? That I’m a deviant? I doubt it for such a standard issue fantasy. I mean it is the one most boys pick up with their jock straps and sweat shirts. Do a search anywhere of what is the most popular fantasy of men (western men) and I’m sure it would yield a threesome. Let’s do a poll, Guys if you could make it with two hot ladies would you do it? Religion and marriages aside just a sterile question would you do it? I don’t know what kind of response I would get if men choose to respond, but I’m more than sure it is a common trend. So I ask again What is your Point? Where’s the shock value? The Ku Kux Klan doesn’t like blacks…AND!?!?! What?

Going back to June someone emailed me of a posting from Sunnipath and there were some quotes there for a brother who asked about if a man had two wives could he have a ménage a trios and the scholar said no and he referenced two aHadith which state that the MAN that goes into his wife and then tells is the worst kind of man. Now at face value this applies to both MEN and WOMEN. ACTUALLY I’M NOT GOING TO MISLEAD ANYONE IT DOES APPLY TO BOTH MEN AND WOMEN SAYING THIS TO KEEP THE OFFICIAL OFFICIAL. Looking at this I’m going to go on to say that only the lowest of MAN tells another MAN what he does with women, married or not. It is the worst type of character that does that. No man wants to hear of the exploits of another man. Girls in case you didn’t know MEN DON’T TALK. It is an unwritten code from birth or something. Another man will never know what goes on behind the walls of a man’s house from his lips. WOMEN on the other hand tell all, or almost. I’ve been married twice and both wives could tell me about anything that was going on in just about any house, why? Because girls talk, A Lot it seems. So although the aHadith apply to both men and women I think that it is a stroke of great wisdom that MEN were addressed directly and not women. For the most part the names are excluded to protect the innocent (or guilty), but the process of deduction is limited to the circle of the woman’s network. If she has a large circle she can easily get away with I know this sister, but if her network is small you know exactly who she’s talking about. I think MEN were addressed directly because of women’s social system. Women use others to validate and collaborate to produce a better product. If a husband’s member is too large she asks what do you do? If it is to small she asks what do you do? If he isn’t considerate, or compassionate or think about that anniversary some girlfriend somewhere is going to know. Those are just the facts. Women are going to talk, most probably about everything including what goes on in the bedroom. If you are a woman I’m sure you know what is going on in one of your friends bedroom. So I think there is more wisdom behind those ahadith that just what is present on the surface, but I accept them as they are conveyed by the scholars which is that they apply to both sexes.

This journey into and out of P has made some things very clear to me. One for me the desire of a ménage a trios existed long before Islam. I think I was like 5 or something. Then it was all about the sex and the passion. Then I became Muslim which defined the parameters of having more than one woman. This however didn’t change the desire. Initially it was shielded in aspirations of grandeur, saving the Ummah, being a noble husband and father. In the end though the root of all my polygynous dreams was the desire for plural wives and plural sex. After the final answer from my ex-cowife I had to acquiesce to that fact. It was depressing honestly, but still it remains. I still want it, and I suppose that I always will in the recesses of my mind where it is safely stowed away. I suppose the same place we stow away all of our vices.

Maybe it was closet freakiness that you struck out of the left side of the closet with this attack (as perceived by me). I assume it was an attack that I am possessed to deconstruct it. Women are freaky just like men are. They have their fetishes and wants. Fantasies that they have abound. Things that men wouldn’t even think of or things that they can’t think of with their significant other. Men are conditioned to think that women don’t think about sex. I know from experience that is not the case. Women’s fantasies abound from the mild to wild. I’m not accusing the sister or nothing of being a straightforward missionary type or anything that would shake her head at anything other than the extremely mundane. I think that it is necessary to be realistic with our sexuality. Most primarily to our spouses and not the whole world like on this blog. I however don’t really care what most think, because I think that I answer a lot of questions that women would ask their husbands but don’t dare.

Now I have to sum this post up in some kind of way or just say screw it and stop. Sleepy now no more steam. I’m sure someone will stir the pot tomorrow. PM I have nothing against you, and I still respect you and keep you in my dua. Just know that I don’t have a second wife, the P door is shut, and I don’t cheat, swing or pay so there is no path for me to have a ménage a trios so you can calm down my abstinence has been taken care of.

I’m on watch, but the back of my eyelids is getting more appealing. So I’m stopping. Good night all and Aslallamu A’laikum.


  1. PM I don't always read your blog. I didn't see that you had gotten divorced. I hope that you are well. Divorce is a painful process, even when you want it. I'm sorry. I say this reflecting on the pain I had during mine. I pray that you feel better. May Allah bless you.

  2. Muhammad,

    You have misconstrued everything I said and why I said it. I could care less about your sexuality vis a vis freakiness. You wrote a post about the fact that I said I didn't think your wife was a good candidate for polygyny. I replied and explained that I based on what was written by both of you, and in fact did not mention the more intimate details in my first comment.

    After you went on to attack me in your reply to my comment I tried to make it clearer and brought up the subject that now seems to piss you off. I didn't do that TO piss you off, but rather to explain why I thought that your wife's original expectation of polygyny might be skewed based upon this expectation/desire. The point I made -- very clearly, I thought -- is being faced with the prospect of being shut OUT of a bedroom with your husband and his other wife is likely to produce jealousy, as opposed to being right there in the middle of things.

    Now why any of this should piss you off is beyond me. I have read your blog and your wife's for quite some time, as you know. Just because something has been deleted, doesn't mean no one remembers it.

    I personally couldn't care less about your sex life or if you and Sakinah go into polygyny. I am merely engaging in blogging and responding to other bloggers. If you don't like the honesty, you can always block me ;-)))

    Salaam Alaikum,

  3. Ok then let's slam on the brakes and reanalyze what was said and why. I consider you a friend and would like to keep it that way.

    So it starts you make a comment on the apology blog which arose out of a conversation of whether to delete my blog all together with my wife. My blog was saved but some entries are currently missing, but I'll live.

    I then ask the question Who is the polygyny type, You weren't, neither was anyone else on the circuit that I know of so I ask who is the type. I throw some other stuff in there that may have got some peeps in a huff. I don't know.

    In your first comment you mention the whole threesome thing and so I'm like what does that have to do with the initial question and view it as coming from out in left field. I take it like you are stirring up stuff that old. The P Door is shut blog entry currently missing explained a lot of the whole thing being off permanently position.

    My ex-cowife was a candidate long before the whole threesome desires came to light. She was a candidate the day we got married. And she would always be one with or with out the possibility of a threesome. It isn't something that every woman can do or will.

    I then comment on the fact that it was primarily a fantasy which it has been since I was like 5 and then you I suppose accuse me of being coy and misleading my readers in a tone that I percieve that you are accusing me of hiding something. So I get pissed at the concept of me dancing about an issue that is dead and not even mentioned. So I am like what are you trying to prove with this whole comment thingy and I get irritated so I post my tirade. Then you come back and say that I got it all wrong.

    So to get it all in: I asked Who is the polygamy type?

    And you asked exactly what?

    You didn't mention the intimate details in your second post either, my point was no one was talking about threesomes. I wasn't. It is just like if you had a fetish for Irish midgetts and you are having a conversation about coffee and I bust in and ask you how is the Midget O'Leary doing? People would be like where did that come from? That's all I'm saying and then if you were to brush off the comment lightly and then I got more specific with your fetish, I would think that you would take it as a personal attack, because it wasn't what you were talking about and then someone is pressing the point. That is where I'm coming from. I'm really sleepy so I may not be making much sense with my allegory but in principle you can see where I'm coming from.

    So then I'm like well if you must talk about the Midgets then here it all is now you can hush.

    So then to keep from going round in circles The P door is shut and it will stay that way so my Menages must recede back to the place they've always been. In my imagination where they are not limited to 2. :))

    I love your honesty without it we couldn't have these make-up comments. ;) I never block comments Unless requested. I moderate primarily to eliminate spam and allow anonymous commenters to comment with the option of keeping their comment unposted.

  4. Muhammad,

    If you still don't understand why I brought up the menage issue related to your post then I don't know how to explain it any better and will let it drop. Perhaps what is clear in my head, gets skwed coming out of my mouth.

    As to what kind of woman is suited to polygyny? Well Mizazeez for one; and I am sure she in bot the only one. I think a great deal depends on what one thinks they will get out of it (ie., a help-mate aroud the house; a best friend; or a higher place in paradise, etc.)

    But, yes, you would be right in saying that I am not suited for it.


    Salaam Alaikum,

  5. OK no problem. It happens often. Women say one thing and men understand something completely different. Like the whole he loves me he should automatically know what I'm thinking routine, or the he was supposed to respond like this thing. Men totally don't get that.

    Well I'll have to add her to my blog roll then.

    I trust you are happier sans hubby and crew. Don't let it make you bitter and refuse to get depressed. That's what I did when I got divorced.

    Wa A'laikum AsSalaam

  6. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari

    Keep this in mind bro when you speak so openly about your sexual fantasies.

  7. okay so a comment I found interesting...women think about sex? erm..from my experience, NO. well not until you've had it. Maybe I'm more geared to the sentiment of, 'you can't miss what you've never had'.

  8. I hate being single minded.....but the only thing that was going thru my mind when reading this post, was that PM has enough problems at the moment and really, really didn't need this post. I see you didn't know what was going on with khallas on that point.

    I don't know why your feathers got so ruffled, Muhammad. You have to develop a thicker skin....PM definately doesn't mean harm....she likes to make points. Anyways....u said ur piece, and she's said I hope this is the end of it.

  9. Asalamalaykom Brother,

    Do you realize that you wrote what you did about your sex life to a Muslim sister? I mean, I'm not shocked one bit by your candor...I've heard it all before I was Muslim--and FYI: the number one unspoken male fantasy is anal sex. Astragferalllah. The fantasy is always going to be what you can't have. But the wrong is in directing all this sex talk to Peaceful Muslimah. That felt very violating to me.

    And come on---since you were five years old??? I mean, grow-up, dude! I think you have a lot more to offer as man than what you are asking of yourself. Think about it: you could make yourself turn-on sexually with just about any fantasy if you let yourself really go for it. You let your mind go for this and you turn yourself on with this stuff. It could be turning on about other men, or anal sex, or dogs or kids, or furry stuffed animals. I'm not saying you're into any of that, but those are all turn-ons for somebody. What would you tell them? To continue? Or to limit their thoughts? What if it was hurting their marriage? What if a female friend cautioned them?

    Think with the brain God gave you. Don't just think with your lower self. You are better than that. Why do I know? Because you are a Muslim.

  10. Hehehe i hear you what man doesn't think about a threesome? :)
    I'm a non-Muslim,agnostic,non-believing kafir, but i swear i came close to having a threesome with a Christian and Muslim woman once.
    The Christian woman simply liked the idea of doing it with another woman, but she did mention i would not be able to touch the other woman, which kind of made the whole idea less appealing.But in the heat of the moment who would even realise where my hands went?

    The Muslim woman of course was always thinking of hell and hell and hell so in the end it didn't really materialise.
    But I got close enough :)

    Something in the whole idea of having a threesome between a non-believing agnostic/atheist , a believing Christian and Muslim woman sounded like something John Lennon would write a song about or something.

  11. Salaams Muhammad~

    Last night I was gonna ask you a question about my own stuff that I had shut the door on (several years ago) but thankfully I didn't. Why? Because for just a few minutes, I wanted that door opened, and in fact had put my hand on the knob. But, I decided that when a door is willingly shut, it should stay that way... And all the reasons for shutting it still exist, along with several new ones.

    And so I hope it goes for you. Fantasy is one thing, but enacting it can cause it to spiral out of your control and believe me, can ruin your life.

    Stay strong and take good care of your family.

  12. Hadith Anonymous Jazakallah Khair,

    Anonymous erm it is not that. Different people are affected differently and people find out about themselves at different stages of life. Some never find out about their sexual self even after several years of marriage. So I can understand that if you never knew you would never miss it.

    Yes Safa I concede that I didn't know the full story of PM's issues had I known I would have left it alone even if I felt attacked all day long. We made up and it is the end of it. I still respect her. Sorry if I offended you.

    Well I suppose that the number one male fantasy has to do with where you come from. It is not something that African-Americans dream of the whole anal sex thing, but I have heard it often from caucasian colleagues. It doesn't float my boat, at all.

    What would you tell them? To continue? Or to limit their thoughts? What if it was hurting their marriage? What if a female friend cautioned them?

    People are going to think what they think, and there is nothing you can do to stop that. There is something to be said about limiting your thoughts. It is something that you have to take up to Allah. I would tell them to be honest with themselves and fear Allah. Then to shift their focus and energies towards something positive. There will always be times that people think about stuff that they aren't supposed to think about, the difference is acting on it. If it was hurting their marriage I'm pretty sure that there is another issue that precedes it. Communication is the primary place where marriages hurt. Sex only accounts for 1% of a relationship. If you had fantasies then there are communications and understandings that need to take place so that everyone is comfortable with the outcome. If the fantasy is haram then it needs to yeild way to a halal outlet. If a person wished to indulge in anal sex you have to acknowledge that it is a haram practise and when it comes to sex you can indulge in just about every facet under the sun but that aspect is closed. You can accept that is your partners fantasy, but not act upon it. It matters not the sex of the cautioner, what matters is how the cautioner cautions, hopefully with wisdom in a way that it would be accepted. Am I making sense.

    And so then this is one of those moments that you feel like a complete hypocrite. As you can see I know about the Deen and if someone where to come to me I would be able to give them advice about what is and what is not correct with all of the trimmings and what-not, but then when I am tested in whether or not I would do something haram it takes Allah to put the brakes on.

    You see Allah knows where I am and he knows what I would do in certain situations so sometimes the only thing that keeps me from doing stuff is that He removes it from me. Maybe this is why I didn't get a co-wife.

    We sometimes put our hand on that knob and in fact I was on the precipice of spiraling out of control myself. I had a situation that I feel had I gone through with it all hell would have broke loose and I would really be screwed up with guilt and regret. So Alhamdulillah Allah saved me from that. So I know where you are coming from.

    I apologize for not responding to your comments in a timely manner. Normally I respond to them while I'm at work so it usually takes a couple of days.

  13. Asalamu Walaikum,
    I just wanted to point out to you that there is an aspect of your fantasy that IS halal...
    >Can I regain potency and go again and again. I want to see it, experience it, and know it.

    Hadeeth 271 Bukhari- Narrated Muhammed bin Al-Muntathir: on the authority of his father that he had asked 'Aisha abouth the saying of Ibn 'Umar (i.e. he did not like to be a Muhrim while the smelling of scent was still coming from his body). 'Aisha said, "I scented Allah's Apostle and he went round (had sexual intercourse with) all his wives, and in the morning he was Muhrim (after taking a bath)."

    There are other hadeeth that mention this. As well the story of Sulaiman going round to all his wives (100?) with the intention to sire sons for the sake of worshipping/serving Allah. The story goes that since he did not say "Inshallah", his efforts were in vain.
    Anyway, I guess I wanted to point that out to you so that you can drop that deviant title.
    I also want to remind you to get out of your nafs, as that is something I am really struggling with myself these days. Don't try to fool yourself into thinking you can do some ground breaking work in the field of muslim porn...ewe..adthudibillah...go pick up your Purification of The Heart and take care of yourself brother. Find new ways to give sadaqa that aren't so anonymous. Inshallah you may find some ways in Bahrain. Defiantely enjoy some fasting.
    Asalamu Walaikum

  14. Wild ride or prophalactic.

    Yes I had actually called a fertility specialist with a theory about that. I asked them that if a man ejaculated in a frequency so often could it possibly prevent pregnancy. They said that they had not heard of it and the only thing that would possibly decrease is the sperm count. They did although say that with increased activity would come increased production. However still if sex is had in a frequency that does not allow the supply to replenish then the sperm count would remain low decreasing the chances of a successful pregnancy.

    Allahu Alim