Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Oh God where have I been?

So I fall off the face of the planet and then every once in a while I post. This is one of those times. Where have I been and what have I been doing? Well frankly I have been living like a fish out of water. I work in a place where I am present, but not present. I have reached a point where I no longer judge people even subconsciously for their life decisions. You never know what you are going to be doing in the future. Sometimes you just wish for simple things. Love, Life and wealth all blessed to the point that you don't have to look back or question your existence, just your worship, but then that would be too easy. Where I work? Well it is like this water water everywhere and not a drop to drink. That's the way that I look at it. It is just money and the money is halal enough I suppose it is just where I make it that I get edgy with.

So I was thinking about putting a personal ad in craigslist for professional snuggling services. Out of being married for 16 years of my life I have to say that I miss snuggling. The rest of it I can deal without, but snuggling I seriously miss. I don't want anything beyond that. Now that I'm 40 I'm not horny 24/7 I suppose you have to be careful what you pray for. One day it was just gone. Funny.

So the celibacy thing is back on track yet again. This time I think I can go through with it. I think. I know I don’t want to get married again so it is something that I will just have to deal with. You choose your tests. Either way you get tested if you are married you have to put up with the other persons crap and if you are by yourself you have to put up with your own issues. So that's me putting up with my own crap.

So many times I want to blog and I just don't. Sometimes I kinda feel like Shaytan is reading over my shoulder and throwing monkey wrenches into my life. So I suppose if I keep the info to a minimum then the less crap I have to put up with.

So how have you all been? If I go private with my blog I will let you know how to get in.

So many things I've learned, so many ponderings that I wish that I would have shared with you. Ponderings like this. Here is a reality that you really just don't think of. How long have you been conscious? In reality since shortly after the creation of Adam, so how old would that make you? And theoretically speaking how long do you actually spend down here? We are talking fractions of picoseconds. So when you hear Allah say that this life and everything in it is of no value it put things into perspective. If you've been alive (conscious) for 5000 years or more even if you got the squat beat out of you for 60 years it wouldn't even be a significant event in the big picture of your life. Every trial and tribulation takes on a different meaning when you realize that no matter what amount of suffering you go through it is only actually lasting a fraction of infinitesimal amounts of time. When children die prematurely you have to realize that they have been around since Adam, and they incur other benefits of a short life. Depending on how they used it. It brings perspective to the Hadith where the woman said that if she knew that in the future humans would only live around 60 years or so that she would spend her whole life in sujjud. The understanding of that one verse brings so many things into perspective.

Time is not your friend and there is actually no latitude for wasting it. Pray, Dhikr, Reflect, Think deeply and then share. Allah removes all excuses from the believers, if you don't believe me Find an excuse and you will find a verse that gives greater reward for not accepting it. If you are too poor to move you will find that there is more blessing for taking the struggle and doing it anyway. No excuses.

So why am I so down and out? Stupidity and procrastination, Anger and rebellion. All very very dumb reasons, but sometimes you want to quit. There is however no quitting. No time outs, no breaks. So I'm chastising myself for my actions and warning you of yours. I pray that Allah blesses all of you and myself and Insha Allah we are granted the Great Success in this world and in the next.