Thursday, October 30, 2008

FreeeeDoooooommmmmmm!!!!!!!!

Well Not really. Today I went to court and my lawyer showed up Yay!! I got released from the monitor but all other things remain the same. I can't go within a mile of my wife and the kids and that is ok except for the kids part. So I am free to roam so I roamed and now I'm bushed. I went to the Masjid, I went to the Movies and saw Eagle Eye. I went to Cold Stone and had some ice cream. I went to the post office and I just relaxed. I went and saw a new lawyer and he looked promising. But I don't have any money to pay him. So I am off. I will start looking for a job next week. Probably something in security. I would love to do something in computers but hey it is what it is.Maybe if I could find something from 9-5 at night would be great. I could come home and sleep and then go to work. I hope to find something by the end of next week. make dua for me. I'm still working at my other job too so I will be hitting that too. Work any which way but loose I have got to do. Uggh. But hey I won't have my kids so I really won't need the sleep. I'll probably work all month just to pay my rent. Oh well. Well I'm free somewhat and that is all that really matters today.

Peace

Monday, October 27, 2008

Don't Get Scared Get Mad!!!



The Jews said Never Again. Well Here we are...Again and where are the Jews? Then again they really weren't in charge in the first place. We are living in serious times, great times. We are living in the times of great potential Islamic glory, Christian glory, Jewish glory, glory in standing out for faith. People like you and me, just ordinary people. Looking to make a change. Doing something, but the first thing that has to be done is that people need to be woken up. People need to know that there is a storm on the horizon and it is not slowing down anytime soon. As information leaks become more problematic to deal with the necessity for immediate and brutal action becomes more and more imminent.

The signs for an American Dictatorship are here and present. There lies a lot of time between here and the time the next president takes office to declare martial law. If martial law is claimed then there lies a very good possibility that we can be stuck with Bush forever. It is not improbable and people I suppose don't think that this is a very big deal, but there is the problematic looming fact that they want to reduce the worlds population to about 5 million people. That being the case it really won't matter that you are white, a African American, German, mildly wealthy or anything else. What will matter is that only a few slaves will be needed and the rest due to some fabricated situation can be effectively killed off.

What really scares me is a possible Auschwitz type of situation. There is a large portion of African American Males in the prison system. The prison system is one of the largest growing infrastructures in America. Those people are immobile and vulnerable to mass executions. Prisoners without family or disinterested family can at any time be quietly transferred and never heard of again. There is nothing to say that inceneraries cannot be installed next to the prison to dispose of a surprise biological outbreak.

There are many ways that we can speculate, more like stratagize how the complete seizing of America can take place, but seriously we need to wake up because it will ripple into everyones lives. Everyones lives.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Malcolm X: Ballot or the Bullet



On the precipice of the election I had to post this. All of my parents and African Americans of the older generation wants me to vote for Obama. Honestly I know for a fact that isn't going to help anything because neither he nor John McCain is actually in charge. The same people are in charge are still in charge and will still be in charge until this experience known of America is long gone. Then everyone who believes they are some how liberated and living in an egalitarian society is fooled and are in fact marching happy headlong into a new kind of hell only to stand up long after it is way too late to finally figure out what is going on.

That is just my opinion. Obama is a strategic move, nothing more, just like 9/11 he will gloss over the eyes of the people.

Fighting Depression

When I got divorced the first time I made an oath to myself to not get depressed. I worked out, did things for myself and hung out with guys from work. I was active in the Muslim community and I had a chance to refocus a lot of negative energy. This time has not been so easy. I am on lock down, my movements are restricted. I can't go to the Masjid. I can't see my kids and I am unhappy in my job. I've been reading and doing projects but I haven't been very successful at getting my mind off of the situation at hand. After the court situation is done it should be much easier to battle the effects of depression. I just need to have a positive attitude. After I can see my kids again things will be better as well.

I know she is an upwardly mobile woman. I just want my kids. She wouldn't have to pay child support. She can keep the taxes. She can keep the houses she can keep my pension she can keep everything I have in this life if she would just give me my kids. I don't want anything but them. She can come and visit them whenever she wants I would never keep them from her. My kids are all I have and care about in this life.

I should have never forced her to take them that weekend. She didn't want them that Sunday, she wasn't prepared for them, she had other plans, but she was telling me one thing and was anxious for me to pick them up again. For 6 years she told everyone that we knew that if there was ever a divorce I would keep my kids, all of them even hers and I will still do that. I just want my kids. They are not a burden and I will gladly wake up at 4 in the morning to take care of them, prepare their lunch and get them out for the day. What does she want me to sacrifice?

With my first wife I was very compassionate, she had gone through a terrible divorce before and we had made agreements that I believed her in. Only to find out later that she lied. However she will have to face Allah for that. She made an oath and I left it at that. Then she turned on her oath so I am very leery about that again. I don't have my children however now so I will have to face that reality. The truth is that the last arrangement that she proposed works for me. It sucks but it is much better than a lot of other arrangements so I am happy with it for now. I hope that it doesn't deteriorate from here though. Insha Allah I will be able to see them at other times outside of this situation. So I will make it. The only thing that I really have to worry about is losing my job. That is the only thing that is a problem. So I need to make a transition from a couple of different states. Married to single, family man to visiting parent, Dual Parent to single-parent changes in life come at us and we have to deal with them.

Depression is a tricky animal, but I have beaten it in the past and I can beat it again. You have to be careful though because the pain that you feel and the reality of a life that you once had can always through you back into full depression. It can be something as small as a call or an email and then life is back in turmoil. Now though is nice, I don't return to it unless I check her blog or the pictures of our life come up on my computer so I just need to take that down. So I am working on that. Soon it is going to all be over. She is willing to just agree so it should go by pretty smoothly. I will beat depression. I will things are going to be good. I just look forward to getting this thing off of my foot now and taking my picture of the Sunset. I will make a day of that. Maybe I will get both sunrise and sunset and make a day of it.

I do have to get out of my room though. That is depressing in and of itself.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I had to post this



The flow is awesome and you just have to appreciate it. Jill Scott and Mos Def.

Ho Hum Moving on...

Fighting depression is a tricky thing. For the last two weeks I was really down. I was really in bad shape. I have to get out of this room. It would be so different if I could leave this stupid room. I have kept myself busy reading and studying what I can, but it is nothing like fresh air. I could only imagine if I actually spent all of this time in jail. And that could still happen I'm not in the clear yet. One minor mishap could land me in the slammer. I always do fine when I know nothing about her, but reflecting on what we had always brings tears. I suppose it is a self induced roller coaster of pain. I suppose people who just burn everything and move on are in much better shape. I had thought I was at that point many times. I suppose my talking about it just exacerbated the pain. Well it took a while but I got the picture. The days will turn to years and years will dull the pain, but those thorns will blow through every once in a while when looking into my childs eyes.

I have no hard feelings. She had to do what she had to do I suppose. But alas I have to pick myself up out of yet another funk and move the hell on. Stop dwelling on the past and get on with my life cause this shiznits has got to stop. So on to activism and Real Estate and getting my stuff onto one plate. The last we spoke I found that she was willing to do an even split and the only thing that we ever were in disagreement with was the visitation/ custody issue. Now I don't care so we can move on. I'm sorry if my depression caused a little blip on the radar. Life goes on and we will be ok. I fear for my little ones, but that is only natural. I got to keep on keeping on. So enough of my sob stories now on to the things that I really think about, or should think about.

Classic

Watch more Purple Rain videos on AOL Video

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Even after all of this my heart still does not care...

You'll never know how much I really feel for you, and that........ I love you. Maybe in our next life baby. When she stares at your mouth [ Kiss her ] When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb ass cuz she thinks shes stronger than you [ Grab her and dont let go ] When she starts cursing at you tryin to act all tuff [ Kiss her and tell her you love her ] When she's quiet [ Ask her whats wrong ] When she ignores you [ Give her your attention ] When she pulls away [ Pull her back ] When you see her at her worst [ Tell her she's beautiful ] WHen you see her start crying [Just hold her and dont say a word ] When you see her walking [ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ] When she's scared [ Protect her ] When she steals your favorite hat [ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night ] When she teases you [ Tease her back and make her laugh ] When she doesn't answer for a long time [ reassure her that everything is okay ] When she looks at you with doubt [ Back yourself up ] When she says that she likes you [she really does more than you can understand] When she grabs at your hands [ Hold her's and play with her fingers ] When she bumps into you; [ bump into her back and make her laugh ] When she tells you a secret [ keep it safe and untold ] When she looks at you in your eyes [ dont look away until she does ] When she says it's over [ she still wants you to be hers ] When she reposts this bulletin [ she wants you to read it ] - Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything - When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go - When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you - Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her -Treat her like she's all that matters to you. - Stay up all night with her when she's sick. - Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid - Give her the world. - Let her wear your clothes -When she's bored and sad, hang out with her - Let her know she's important. - Don't talk about other girls around her - Kiss her in the pouring rain - When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is; "Whose ass am I kicking baby?" If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will : Call you..... Kiss you..... Love you....... Text you..........

When she's hurt you immeasurably try to understand, When her life is spiraling out of control try to hold her hand, When she lies to hide her shame encourage her to tell the truth so she can heal, When she tries to stuff her feelings draw them out of her, When she rubs her eyebrows raw tell her that everything is going to be okay, When she's crying uncontrollably tell her everything is going to be alright, When she forces herself to stay awake to talk to you carry her into bed and put her down and then cuddle with her until morning, when she's gone and fucked the marriage up beyond all get out tell her that you still love her. Tell her that the offer still stands until she's old and gray.

Speaking from the heart, because it doesn't give a fuck.

Let's Just get it over with...

The days and the hours are dwindling down. Hopefully I will get to see my children soon. My Domestic Violence lawyer is a loser or at least not very communicative. I need the divorce to go ahead and go through and I don't know what is going to happen to my job. The house that she wants is going into foreclosure on the 2nd. I don't have the money to save it that's going to go on OUR credit. She said she wanted it and I sent her the bills, but she never paid it so I have been trying to save it the best I can. When the divorce is over she will take over payments but I really don't see how just like I don't see how there is going to be any meaningful money left for me or her to pay child support. Which won't happen right now because neither she nor I can afford it. I posted over a month ago that I was willing to sign whatever so that she can go on and live her life in all of the excitement that it entails. Now she is struggling she says reading her blog, but for the last 6 years of our married life she has told me that I was going to have the kids upon divorce and she just wanted to be able to drop by whenever she wanted to and I was fine with that and I still am. For 6 years all the way up to and after the point that I had come home that was the case. She was leaving me with the kids. She wasn't going to take them from me. Had I done things differently I would have had a very different life. I think back to if only her apartment had a key, or maybe if I would have just left the babysitter there at the house I wouldn't be going through this, but Allah has a plan for everything.

I'm not trying to keep the kids from her. I just want my kids that is all that I ever wanted. If I lose my job I will become homeless and just follow her around just so that I can be with them. At the end of the day all of the Stuff in the world doesn't matter. I don't want prestige, I don't want wealth, I don't even want dignity. I just want my kids. If she wants me to take her back that's fine. Just give me my kids. She can even keep her coping mechanisms I don't even care at this point. I just want my kids.

A lot of stuff gets dropped in divorce there are a lot of talks that you could have with your kids that you just can't have anymore. So I think I will start a blog just for them. I will write for them all of the letters and explain all of the feelings that I have had for them and all of the experiences that I missed. This blog stands as a testimony for them when it gets time for them to read it, but this new blog will be for just them. I think I will do that today.

I miss my kids. If I could have done it all different I would have never left their side. At this point I am just ready to get this over with so that I can get on with life. I had hope, that she would have faced some things, but that never happened so it is what it is. Over. I just want to sign the papers now so we can both move on.

I just want my kids.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Break up Language

My wife wrote me a letter today that was short and sweet and it pretty much said leave me alone forever. You don't want me or to do anything to make it work again just talk to me about the kids, so long see you bye. I can't write her back, but I can tell all of you.

Well in all honesty that just isn't true. I do miss my marriage, I was happy I was whole I was dedicated to living the rest of my life with this person whether or not polygamy ever came into the picture or not. She has done outrageous things to cause me an unmeasurable amount of pain and honestly it would be wise to just walk away, but after all of the pain and all of the lies and all of the backstabbing things and control freak mechanisms that she has extolled to get her way at the end of the day my heart the one that is falling out of my chest, doesn't really care. That is just to be honest and truthful about the whole situation.

Funny thing love isn't it? I guess you have to come to a point between sanity of life and the insanity of the relationship and then you have to decide what you are going to do. I haven't talked much and she hasn't been patient, but that is fine. I'm not being wishy washy about it. I'm hurt and I definitely don't want to go through that nonsense again or worse. Maybe this isn't love at all, maybe it is some kind of dependency like crack or Ice or something much more sinister.

Well to say it out loud, I do love you and I do care, but your coping mechanisms I can't live with. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my kids and how much I want to be apart of their lives and I don't think about coming back just so that I can raise them. Women all over the world do it and bear their circumstance. If my kids are really that important to me I should. I know she knew that without my kids there would be no considerations of this nature. No wavering of heart. I wouldn't think about the greater good of the world, I would just let her enjoy her freedom in peace and let her do whatever it was she really wanted to do with herself and not get in her way and definitely not come between her and her endless amount of friends. However I don't have my little ones and so I am stuck here in this roller coaster of emotional control. I miss my kids and that is the truth. I miss my marriage too, but in light of the current mountain of facts in front of me and the jarring lies that have been told, I can live without that for the rest of my days, but my kids I cannot live without for another minute. I miss them so much and I can't bear to be without them any longer. I love my kids.

This divorce game works the same way the world over. Promises are made and then broken and then made again and the distance and the circumstance of life draws the family further and further apart. New opportunities, new duty stations, new relationships all culminate in a further breakdown of a house broken down. We may mean well, but it is the nature of the beast. Maybe I'll adopt some kids in the future when I get back on my feet. There won't be a mother to take them away and I can raise them. Maybe I will be alone for the rest of my days and become a teacher so that I can watch kids grow and learn. Maybe I'll become a surrogate parent and raise someone else's kids so that I can enjoy at least once these precious years. Maybe I will go on craigslist and become a rent-a-dad, but I couldn't charge. I miss my children, and I don't want their individuality crushed by this schoolhouse that Rockefeller, Carnegie and JP Morgan built. To turn my kids into drones of a heartless society, constantly looking for the favor of strangers and never once finding themselves a senseless emptiness on the barren wasteland of America. It is happening already as they are imprisoned in the homes of babysitters they don't know, Schoolhouses that have no outlook for their rich personality. They have been stripped for the first time in their lives the love of a love filled home and I can't stand it. I miss my kids, and I miss my vision of marriage too. I was completely and utterly fooled. Oblivious to her coping mechanisms in their vast entirety. I was a happy fool and I was completely blind and now that I can see I am forced to weigh the reality of my relationship with the love of my kids and decide where I am to go on from there.

After you've watched the other one...

Watch this one. They want to kill us all.



It is reasons like this that make me think to hell with it all and take Sakinah back. To protect my family and raise my children to be free of the system. It would definitely be looking at the bigger picture. Not everyone sees things like I do. People have been so dumbed down for so long, but looking at the situation globally everything fits neatly into place. The Aids and ebola epidemics. The massive race based wars. Global terrorism, famine, rape, poverty, destruction of families are all on a consentual path of global population reduction. The increased police forces, the surge of the military, the growth in the prison sector are all key bits to a world of complete and utter world domination. The patriot act, the attack on religion disguised as an attack on Islam drawn out in complete bait and switch manner. These things make me wonder how they will manuever this new world order into place.

A lot of support is written up for Barack Obama and he emphatically looks like the new president. He is courted by policy makers such as Henry Kissinger and Zbigniew Brezinski. People who have no favor for the third world, humanity or Islam and we expect a change. Population reduction is the agenda of the global elite so it would be no surprise to me what would happen in the next coming years. I will post something when I get home about the importance of the Obama years or days depending on what the ultimate agenda is.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Being at peace with truth

A lot of people chide me on my current I'm a polygamist stance, they may think that I've thrown away my marriage over a fantasy. However everyone is responsible for their own actions. I accept responsibility in my part in the destruction of my family. However my family is destroyed now so I have to take a long hard look at myself. There are several options that I can choose to take. Get married again and not open up and let my wife know anything about me. Stop blogging publicly and become very reserved about who I really am. Resist my temptations and focus my energies elsewhere. I could do that. I could choose not to get married again at all remembering all of this pain that I am now in. I could choose to beg Sakinah to take me back, or accept her offers and I have thought seriously about it. Every time I do though something happens to change my mind and keep us on this present course.

Why have I taken a stand and come out and openly said that I am a polygamist? Well there are several reasons involved in that decision. First and foremost it has been a subject that has been scapegoated in both relationships. In any relationship there is hardly one factor that causes a breakdown. My first wife and I had problems long before polygamy. We had communication problems and finances were also an issue. That breakdown raged on because I couldn't talk to her at all. I couldn't have an exchange of words and I refuse to talk over people so our communication was one sided. Then it broke down which exacerbated when polygamy was mentioned. It has been a long time so I am not going to get in on the intimate details because at this point frankly I don't remember them. Sakinah and I had different problems, but those problems where there on the underlying surface. We were working through them and polygamy wasn't that big of an issue because we had an understanding and an agreement and I kept my end of the bargain.

Now looking at going back into the marriage pool somewhere down the line I choose to take the position that I am in because I don't want to go through this again. I feel that if I never get married again that is more than fine. I will be fine and I will be okay. If I do however decide that I am in a position to get married then I am going to tell it like it is. I feel that if I am honest and forthright and upfront about my strengths and my weaknesses then that person can make a conscience choice of whether or not they want to be with me. That goes for everyone, Sakinah included. Then they can decide if they want to be in that kind of relationship or not. Instead of ambushing them with the reality later on down the line. I feel that it is a more honorable position to take than to put someone through this drama unwittingly. I don't see what is so wrong about being honest with myself and others.

What has this effectively done. My marriage with Sakinah is over so it doesn't affect her and even if she wanted to come back she already knows that this is not a secret. My other ex wife knows this so it doesn't affect her either. So the only people this affects are people I haven't met yet that would consider marrying me. So right off the bat it excludes all women who don't want to have anything to do with polygamy. So I won't be hurting any of them. It doesn't affect any woman who is already married. So that brings the number of people that it can actually affect down to those women who are not married and are willing to marry a kind and loving brother who may if he is so blessed by his Creator embark upon a polygynous marriage at some point in the future. If it never happens, then she's got a great husband for the rest of her life. If it happens in 5 years then she has 5 years of happiness and so on. So that would be a personal choice. At the end of the day though it is her choice. It doesn't affect any of the rest of you out there because chances are most of you are already married, and those who aren't married there you have it the facts and you are free to decide what you want to do. Marry him broke or wait until he has money to marry properly, now I'm broke so they can be sure that they have a little time before I get some money. There is no guarantee that I will get a second wife, I may not, but I am not going to represent myself as that kind of person who wouldn't.

So that is my stand. Call it foolish, but if so then chances are I won't be getting married again so it is what it is. If after years of being alone I may become weary of this position and rescind it, but as for now it is my story and I'm sticking to it. If I get married again Alhamdullillah. If I never get married again Alhamdullillah, but I won't be breaking anyones heart by surprising them with my polygynous dreams either. That's my 5 cents on the issue. Peace.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Options for the rest of my life

I think I will try my best to be there for my kids, but I really think that Sakinah is going to move away with them. I really do. She has no need to stay here so I suppose I will get to see them when I can. Hopefully if she happens to move back to Virginia in that house I may be able to finagle keeping my job. Possibly I will get to see them from time to time. Running back and forth to Virginia, I don't know how my finances will work out. I will try to make some kind of transition between married and single life. My finances will get back under me and I suppose I will just live.

I don't think I will get married again. I think I will stick to my original plan. I would love to, but is it really worth it. No. Celibacy is the way that it is going to be. I will just save so that my kids can have something when they get old enough and then I will just give them my memoirs. I'm Done with marriage and love and kids and life. I will just work and become an activist for education and the liberation of self.

I see now why sometimes you look at the marriage structure and it seems so cold. All she has to do is watch your stuff and have sex with you. Other than that it is all your responsibility. Well if you don't really have anything invested then you won't have anything left to lose. Maybe I'll move to some deserted island in the pacific, or maybe I will roam the earth and panhandle for my degree and just take classes here and there while being homeless. I'll be in shape if the police don't grab me and throw me in jail because I happen to be an errant black man walking around. I'll have to study law just to defend myself. I'll keep blogging and writing and reading and studying and teaching. I'll do some anthropology, maybe go to some combat zones and see what the real deal is with the suffering of the people.

Poverty is frightening and I have always been afraid of it so maybe I will embrace it and learn to live with it. Anyway life is going to go on. I can't check out before time, I can't press the pause button, I have to go on. It is just the way that it is. I think I will study to become hafiz. I will study though and I will make that my life.

Peace

Divorce the first 24 hours

This is just a testimony to the predatory nature that relationships can take. For men there is only a couple of things that I can suggest. When it comes time for divorce run like hell because there is nothing in your corner for your defense. All I can say is that there was some advice that was left for me that I didn't take.

First thing to do is write all of your creditors and tell them that you are getting a divorce and you need to separate your finances. This may not help and definitely it won't help in terms of mortgages and car notes, but you have to do what you can.

If you have children and the mother is being less than savory, immediately file an injunction of temporary custody until the case is over. It isn't much but it is the only thing you can do.

The last big pointer from my side is get a temporary restraining order that dictates the terms where and how you have to meet to exchange the children. It is best to do it in a public place or at a police station.

Lastly STAY as far away from her as you possibly can. Don't call, don't ask, don't harass just accept the fact that it is over and run like hell. Otherwise you will find yourself up in jail somewhere and then get out to find that you have to pay child support in excess of 65% of your earnings. You can be denied all further access to your children.

It is a system rigged for your destruction and women ask why men don't want to commit. Well ladies it can mean a death sentence from even the most kindly old lady. The system has been designed to destroy, everything not protect or even be humane.

If you don't believe me go here and find out for yourself.




The Facts of Life for Men
That the Opponents of Equal Rights
Don't Want You to Know
Until It's Too Late

Written by a woman who believes that
equal rights require equal responsibilities

  • Child support is not based on your ability to pay.
    The state can and does set child support awards at levels that exceed what federal law allows to be withheld from your wages. The excess becomes arrears accruing interest. You can be labeled a "deadbeat dad" in spite of having 65% of your wages automatically deducted for child support. (Can you live on 35% of your take-home pay?)
  • That's the new Slavery. It works like a charm and is a constant cash cow. Directly linked to the prison industry which is ultimately where they want you to go, because then they can guarantee you won't procreate anymore.
  • You can be forced to pay child support for a child that DNA tests proveis not yours.
    Studies indicate that 20% of children may not be biologically related to the man whose name is on the birth certificate. But once named the father, you must challenge paternity within the time limit set by law. Otherwise, you will be forced to pay child support until the child is an adult even if DNA tests later prove that you are not the father and you have no current relationship with the child. (And you can't sue the mother for fraud. Crime pays if you're a woman.)
  • A woman's body is your destiny.
    Once you have sex with a woman (willingly or not), you can be forced to become a parent against your will and forced to submit your body to involuntary service on her behalf for eighteen years or longer even if it kills you. She alone has "choice" to decide if your child is born or aborted, and if the child is born you can be forced to pay for her choice. She may also unilaterally renounce her parental rights and responsibilities (and yours too), but you may not unilaterally renounce your parental responsibilities.In one survey, 33% of women polled admitted that they would get pregnant over the man's objections.
  • Being raped by a woman or tricked into impregnating her will not excuse you from paying child support.
    You will be required to reward her financially for her assault on your body even if you are a minor under the age of consent or were asleep or unconscious when she sexually assaulted you.
  • Child support does not have to be spent on the child.
    It is perfectly legal for your ex-wife to spend "child support" on drinking and gambling.If the child support received by the custodial parent exceeds the actual cost of raising the child (which it often does), she gets to pocket the difference as a state-sanctioned form of tax-free alimony.
  • The needs of subsequent children are not grounds for reducing child support for the legally privileged first-born child.
    You can have 65% of your pay withheld as child support for one child (even if DNA tests prove that it is not yours), while a younger child that is yours has to survive on what you have left. It makes no difference if the first-born lives in luxury while the second-born lives in squalor.
  • You have a "right" to pay child support but no right to be a parent.
    Nearly 40% of noncustodial fathers have no court-ordered parenting time. Those that do have court-ordered parenting time find that the police do not enforce the court order, and most judges do not punish violations by the mother.
  • Mothers are granted sole physical custody of their children 76% of the time.
    This is in spite of studies which show that a child living without the biological father is much more likely to go to prison, take drugs, become an unwed parent, drop out of school, run away, become homeless, need professional psychological help, commit suicide, or be abused and neglected or even killed by the mother and/or her live-in boyfriend or new husband. Women commit the majority of physical abuse of children, and are twice as likely as men to kill their own children.
  • Very few absent fathers are absent by choice.
    Some are dead or in jail. Most (about 90%) cite the mother's actions as the primary reason that they don't see their kids anymore. 40% of custodial mothers admit to interfering with "visitation", and many judges will neither uphold their own court orders nor award conduct-based legal fees to stop the interference. 30% of absent fathers cite financial hardship as a primary reason for absence. After paying child support, they have nothing left to spend on "visitation", especially if the mother moved the children away. Only 3% do not want a relationship with their children.
  • Mothers' requests to move away are nearly always granted by judges.
    Judges presume that the parent moving away has the child's best interest at heart when she destroys or severely weakens the child's relationships with his or her father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, friends, classmates, and nearly every other significant person in the child's life.
  • Most studies show that women are more likely than men to initiate domestic violence, but men rarely report it to police.
    Would you call the police if you knew that they were trained to assume that you are the guilty party instead of the female aggressor? Male victims of abuse are treated much like rape victims were treated fifty years ago: they're embarrassed, they're afraid to report it, the police blame the victim, they're not believed, they get no sympathy.
    At least the rape victims didn't have to worry about being arrested. All it takes to send an innocent man to jail is the perjured testimony of a manipulative female domestic abuser.
  • Some women in custody/parenting-time disputes deliberately provoke fights or make false accusations of abuse in order to gain the enormous legal benefits of an order for protection.
    Over half of the abuse accusations made in the context of a custody dispute are false. Once accused, you are presumed guilty and treated accordingly. You will not be awarded damages if you prove that the charge was fabricated.
    Never plead guilty if falsely accused!
  • Women are not held to an adult standard of accountability.
    Judges do not hold women to the same high standard to which men are held in legal matters. Women are rarely prosecuted or required to pay restitution for their misconduct in domestic-related legal proceedings. They are allowed to use their children as a shield from accountability — to the children's harm. The misguided chivalry of gender-biased judges encourages women to act in ways that hurt children.
  • The suicide rate of divorced men is ten times that of divorced women.
    How happy would you be if you lost the children that you love, your property, your reputation, your credit rating, most of your income, and your right to live as a free man? Even if you could afford an attorney, the gender bias and nearly total disregard for constitutional rights in family court means that you have no legal recourse.Domestic homicides increase dramatically at the time of a breakup, but many feminists would have you believe that gross injustice is not a motivating factor. The American Revolution was fought over lesser injustices than those that are routinely experienced by men in family court.
  • I'm Muslim so this is not an option, but if I wasn't wow it would be something to think about. Twice.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
— Edmund Burke

If you want to do something about the injustices described above, contact us.


It is a comprehensive system designed for destruction, it has been honed and perfected and it works with astonishing precision.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The state of Man





Al-Baqara (The Cow)

2:36 But Satan caused them both to stumble therein, and thus brought about the loss of their erstwhile state. [29] And so We said: "Down with you, [and be henceforth] enemies unto one another; and on earth you shall have your abode and your livelihood for a while !" [30]

فَأَزَلَّهُمَا الشَّيْطَانُ عَنْهَا فَأَخْرَجَهُمَا مِمَّا كَانَا فِيهِ وَقُلْنَا اهْبِطُواْ بَعْضُكُمْ لِبَعْضٍ عَدُوٌّ وَلَكُمْ فِي الأَرْضِ مُسْتَقَرٌّ وَمَتَاعٌ إِلَى حِينٍ (2:36)


What have we come to? As my circle of acquaintances expands amongst men I run into more and more men jaded from relationships. It seems a trend of all that I see. Men are the enemy, Women are the enemy. No one wants to bend, no one wants to sacrifice. Everyone wants to take advantage of the other in an endless reptilian dance towards complete destruction.

How could the atrocities of Africa, Slovakia and Asia exist. How could men treat women so harshly. How could we have become such enemies to each other. I'm not the only one who cries down with marriage, men all over are being jaded against the concept. The institution of predatory dating and predatory relationships is definitely on the rise. It seems like it is all around me. Women taking advantage of men and women would see the same, only fueling this anger and resentment. No wonder so many are choosing to stay alone.

I used to think ill of the Peep Show business (and still do, eww), but in the current times it is logical to see why many would make that choice. Relationships fail and then they cost. Your feelings and emotions are hurt and everything that you've built is thrown into utter ruin. It would be more feasible and economical to just pay for what you want and then go on about your business. Free of any attachments, free of any emotional entanglements, free of lost time with children a complete embodiment of self in a self imposed self protected bubble. Free of child-support and alimony and further involvement down the line. Those people who indulge in that are sick, but they don't have any delusions of living happily ever after. At least most of them.


Today I had a breakdown. I was thinking about somethings one of my commenters said and I just lost it all. I love Sakinah so much, and you can't control who your heart falls in love with. You can only hope to rebuild yourself after you have been beaten down so hard you can hardly breathe. You can't stop the uncontrollable crying. You can't erase the happy memories. It is just there and I looked at it all and it just slipped away.



Now women and men are at each others throats and it is so sad everywhere. My blog is sad and it has been sad for a long time. I know that when other peoples blogs turned sad people stopped coming to them. So will be the case with my blog. I will be sad for a while, but Insha Allah soon it will be okay. The papers will be signed and we will hopefully slip into a routine of picking up and dropping off of the children. Everything will balance out and we will go on and live our lives like nothing ever happened. A painful memory and a powerful lesson learned. I can't see getting married again. I want to, I believe in it, but at this moment I'm done. Too much hurt, too much pain and it keeps dragging on.

The entanglements of litigation and shady practices by women and men who have been hurt and hurt again will lead to a complete collapse in our ability as a species to continue and we will come to a place where we don't see ourselves as human anymore. Only as occasional sources of sexual outlet or harmless embrace. Everyone is getting sued, everyone is getting some nonsense charge brought against them that they must defend. As inhuman entities navigating through the morass of life this is the inevitable future as it would seem. It will be complete when it completely engulfs the heartland.

For me though life goes on. One day at a time. Not crying is always a good thing, seldom though is it attained. Only when I can stuff her back into the far recesses of my mind is it only possible. Otherwise she is everywhere and in everything, and I still love her as if she was my air that I breathe.

Everything happens for a reason, perhaps I will get married again and live out my days in peace and happiness. Life will go on there is no doubt. I wanted to go somewhere else with this post. I wanted to talk about the capitalist system and the orchestrated destruction of the family, but ultimately everyone is responsible for their own actions.

What I was going to talk about where the constructs of interpersonal destruction. The open commodification of the female is akin to the open commodification and use of the word nigger. It is a prostitution of principles to say the very least. To get a firm grasp on the situation you have to understand the motives in place. If you look at it from a Capitalistic perspective or you look at it from a Satanic perspective the result is still the same. Capitalistically speaking it is only good business practice to split families. There is a cornucopia of professions and subsequent businesses that will thrive and continue to thrive off of the industry of divorce. Then there is the self preservation aspect of being able to instill into a population what you want it to believe, a possibility only truly successful in a population without strong sense of self. Without these self preservating individuals those in power are free to do whatever they want to with the naves running around spouting utter nonsense without to collective ability to form a bond, because the essence of bondmaking has been destroyed.

I have thought seriously about taking Sakinah back even through the lies only to save my children and that has been a very hard decision for me to make. Sakinah wants to come back, but she doesn't want to tell the truth and I don't feel that I should have to sacrifice the rest of my life to a lie and if I did go back and play nice family that is exactly what I would be doing, lying. Unless Sakinah could tell the truth then there would be no hope, but who knows maybe she is telling the truth. If that were the case I suppose I will find out on the Day of Judgement how I was utterly decieved. I'm done though, I'm hurt and done.

So through lying, cheating, divorce, broken families, A.I.D.S and other diseases, callous treatment, fraudulent claims of violence, actual violence, child-support, alimony, predatory dating, predatory pregnancy and parenting, denial of rights to see children, moving away and gross and overall cheapening of relationships, easy sex, prostitution, rape, anger, rage displacement, homelessness and poverty eventually the undesirables en masse will be reduced to nothing. A Gattica type world will eventually evolve and the less desireables will be completely sterilized and they will vote for it willingly. The nonconformist will be incarcerated and productivity will rise or fade away as we march hopelessly toward a one world govenment and complete mind control.

Eventually this is what the sexual experience will be reduced to.

I haven't done this post well. It is late and I have more things to say coherently than I am able. I am angry, I am hurt and I am saddened by the current state of affairs.

You can't give up, You can't give in and you can't quit.

Sometimes you just hurt

When all is still and nothing is moving and you sit and reflect. It all rolls back in. All of the pain right where you left it. It hurts just as the first time. An effect that carries on over and over again hurting just as it did before. I realize this is going to take a little longer than just shrugging my shoulders and calling it all good. It will take a little longer than getting distracted in a new relationship. It will take a little longer than I expected. The pain is as fresh as it was the first time. I'm not crying that uncontrollable pain, but I am very hurt and deeply saddened. I feel sorry for my children the most I am not in any position to ask for anything else. So I stand in wait for the last chapter of this thing to be through. I had wished and still do so bad that it was not all true, but it is and I could just die. I could die over and over again, but I cannot despair because surely my Lord has something better than this. I just have to be patient and firm and keep my promise to Him and go through this. Then maybe one day I will be rewarded. Insha Allah and hopefully our children will make it through this trial. I only wish that I had done some things differently, but surely it all happens for a purpose. I just wish I didn't have to lose my children in the process.

Ya Allah Help us, Please help us.

Holding back the years



One thing you can say about youTube whenever you get in a mood they can serve you up some old time video of those songs that bring back some real memories.

This is the start of my life, watch the switch.

Monday, October 13, 2008

You have to just be...



Yes just listen, sometimes you need something soothing to let go with.

I have to let this go

I keep reaping pain upon pain upon myself dragging this thing along. I need to just cut it off and let it ride. I need to take the time to heal. I need to just realize that it is what it is and let it go. She's not going to change, she's not going to stop lying to me so I just need to let it go. You can't change what is inside. You just can't. I wish I had my kids, but ultimately it is their problem.

I'll start over after I get myself together. Maybe I will retire and move to mamoomba and live like a king on $500 a month and finally get to raise a family. I have to let this go. I just have to let this go. It isn't getting any better. I think I'll do some public speaking for a few years finish my degree and get out of dodge.

Down with love, if I get married again it will be purely for function. I'm Done, I quit. UNCLE!!!



The last word!!

I was the man

I was the man that would have been there til the end of time
I was him that would pull and tow the line
I was the man who would have went out in the dark
Fought off the demons while you slept

I was the man who was supposed to be the one you turned to
Then you transgressed that like a fool and now I am left bereft and unprotected
Where was I when you cried out in the night
You would be remiss to say I wasn't on the other line

I was there for you when you shed blood in bed
I was there when the pain rivers ran red
I was there to wipe away your tears
I was there to help you face your fears

Then you changed because I had gone
To protect what we had and to carry on
you called me back but you were not sincere
You pushed me away when I came near

You lied to me and spoke with a fork tongue
I was supposed to blithely forget the wrong that was done
There was no accounting there was no recompense
Now we are torn and ripped apart to silence

I was the man who once walked with pride
Now so covered with shame three buildings cannot hide
I am not one to be held in covetous doom
I will not be locked up inside a broken room

I was he, that man who was there
For all that was want I was willing to spare
Yes he is I now you search for one new
Lest you forget that it was I that was true

Very well then go on, you have made your case
I will always love you and your pretty face
I will not stop, no sight for my tears
For now I will face these long bitter years

Fragmented treasures and treasures lost
Broken dreams on lies have been tossed
No hope for tomorrow
No song for today
For our lives have been cast, and now blown away.

yes it was I to be there till the end of time
now loneliness and wrath okay well then fine
Out of this shell I will arise sublime
The pain is unceasing but it will surely stop
I walk this way west till the setting of the sun
For now this is ended
A new me has to begin again

I must resist temptation
I must not find a friend
I must focus on self
This life I must begin

To sail alone in loneliness
To sail alone pure
To begin in a new life
and all I must endure

Good bye I say again
Please make it the last time
The door is shut the shudders sealed
My love this too shall pass

My love this too shall pass

This too shall pass

Please pass

Sunday, October 12, 2008

TAG!!!! You are it!!!!


Take the Fox in Socks Challenge it will be interesting to see if the boys beat the girls. I love this book. Give it a shot and see how you do.

So true, So real

I found this old Poem on my old website and funny how the meanings still ring true to this day. Check it out.

Critical analysis of my divorce

As I sit and look at the inevitability of my divorce I sit and ask myself could all of this been prevented. The answer is absolutely. However now we have come to a point where we are both self defined and as such unwilling to bend in either direction. I know I am not because I bent so much during the things that she was doing and I am not willing to bend anymore. This experience has sharpened and defined myself into a more solidified person who I am. I look at myself now and I realize that I am a polygamist and during our whole marriage I was ready, willing and able to deny that part of myself to appease my wife. So now I have reached a point that I am no longer willing to do that. Because of all of the lies that I have been told. Lies over and over building and growing and spreading and amassing over and over again. So now my quest for the truth has grown more stronger and fervent so much so that I don't want to be attached to any kind of lie whatsoever. I don't want any lies in my relationship. I don't want any lies within myself. It is not about denial because I know for a fact that I have no funds wherewith to get married to anyone at this time. I do not wish to make the mistake of marrying a woman and relying on her promises to help out and then making plans on that information thinking that we are working together. No Allah has made it so that the man has to provide in entirety for the family and the next time I get married I will be in that position. Whether she works at home or she makes a million and a half a day. I am not going to get myself into a situation like I am in now.

When you go through traumatic experiences you run from them the next time you get involved in a relationship. When I married Sakinah I asked Allah for exactly the person that Sakinah is. Minus a few character flaws which I totally accepted and loved her for the person that she is. When my first marriage ended I swore that I would not marry a non-Muslim. I wasn't going to convert anyone. I wasn't going to try to make someone wear hijab. I wasn't going to try to fight someone for their Deen. So I didn't marry the Mormon girl although I am sure her work ethic would have contributed to a small fortune by now. She would have married me I'm sure, but after my first wife left Islam with my kids after swearing up and down she wouldn't I knew I didn't want to go through that again. I wanted a Muslim sister who was firm on her Deen and Sakinah seemed to fit that mold.

Now moving on to another chapter in my life and looking towards marriage I am looking for truth, truth in myself, truth in the foundation of my relationship, complete and open honesty and mutual respect. I can't stand lies and even if you were a serial killer truth more than lies would go a lot farther. Even if you are doing things that you are ashamed of and Sakinah just couldn't realize that. So it was an effective catalyst in destroying our relationship. Then of course was the reasons that she put me in jail the way that she did. So now I just don't care anymore.

I know that my position of being upfront and open about my desire for polygamy will only leave a small portion of women that will be with me. Furthermore my resolve to wait until I can provide the type of lifestyle that I want to lead will probably lead me into my fifties before I get married again, because after this divorce I will be starting from scratch playing catch up on the investment stage in an era of uncertainty.

In all of this I only wanted the truth, but she wasn't able to give me that. She was more content to hold on to a sure thing which never came. So I am done. If she wants to come back then she should know that I am not taking anything less than the truth and I am going to be truthful with myself. So ultimately it is up to her. I am a polygamist and I may never go into it, but I plan to at this point in my life.

Your emotions never change though. I still love Sakinah like nobody's business and I still worry about her, but she burned all of my bridges and so now I am left my only option which is to sink in this reality of divorce. She is too proud and I am too tired. I will not subject myself to be disrespected nor controlled so it is what it is. You can only push someone so far until they snap and I have snapped so I am going to be no less than true with myself, my Lord and people whom I come in contact with. It is my stand. I have ideas that I intend to do and Now that I am going to be divorced and probably losing custody of my children I have to go on and live my life.

Some may say that it is stupid to finally get to a stage of unwavering resilience but I am tired of chasing a lie. I can't stand lies, I hate them and I always have and I will not tolerate them. I have been nothing less than honest and I can only expect the same in return. So that is my position. I realize that my children are going to suffer, but hopefully they will see my telling and living the truth and they can be inspired by that. I can only live my life and I can only be responsible for myself. I'm sure when my finances get back under me there will still be sisters who would like to have a loving and doting husband. An active and engaged father and an honest and upright person of moral character in their life. I will use this time as a study of myself and my opportunities and who knows maybe I will become content in a debt-free lifestyle and take sisters advice and just throw some money at the problem from a distance and just look out for myself. I know that all of my married life I have done nothing but pour my whole entire check into the marriage only to be left looking stupid when I was lied to and then left in the end.

I have 5 kids. I did my part for humanity. 2 sons 3 girls that is enough. If I got married again though I think I would marry someone young enough to have 10 more. It seems that whenever I get divorced I am robbed the critical years that I really want to be involved in. I realize that I really want that. So I can't even say that I won't get married again as soon as I can pay my bills and provide a home. I love kids and I miss mine, all of them. So maybe I will try my hand at this again, but this time I will definitely make it known that I am definitely a polygamist since that is the only complaint that both of my wives had. So I think I will start there first and then go on and get to know the person really well. Work beside them probably day in and out and form a friendship and then seek to negotiate marriage.

Yeah, but this nonsense could have stopped at almost anytime with some real honesty and not knee-jerk reactions and grasping at straws. It is all good. I'm dang near 40 pretty soon I will be one of those old guys at the park waiting for my kids to come by and see me. Then maybe I will die in peace. It is going to be ok, Insha Allah.

Insha Allah

Polygyny Analysis -- Self Reflection



This has been one of the best videos I have seen explaining the merits and responsibilities of Polygyny. My reflections are more about responsibility an nation building rather than other lowly experiences. I think that I am going to post some responses to some of the videos that are on youtube about polygyny so that I can crystallize my views and beliefs. I have my views and I know where I am. At this very moment I am not in any position to get married again period. I'm broke and living paycheck to paycheck. I can't really dump my homes to get into a better position but actually I think that I will see if I can do some financial maneuvering to get out of my yoke that I am presently in. I think that I was kind of looking for Sakinah to come around and was hoping that she would at least be honest with me. That however would force her to come to grips with some things that are seriously gone wrong and I just don't think that she is at a point where she can do that. I think that she is holding a lot of stuff in and hoping for some kind of break. I know that my position in all of this was a demanding of the truth, but she just wasn't able to do it. I had even gotten to the stage where I was going to go back and wipe the slate clean, but I feel her ego got in the way, maybe it was both of our egos who knows. Right now though I am going to do what I have to do. I feel that when I get this thing off of my foot I can start to hustle so that I can make some serious money, doing whatever. I plan to start speaking soon and teaching. I do know that when I do go into marriage again though I am just going to say that I am a polygamist and hopefully that can be worked out right up front. I think that I would take back both of my ex wives though. Sakinah and the otherone. Not only because I want my children around me and I have been robbed from being in the lives of my eldest two for too long now, but I think that would be the best and most responsible thing for the family. I will take Sakinah back if she could just tell the truth and accept me as I am. Which she won't so oh well.

So I will start a new family. This thing will be over soon and then the focus is all about the money at that point. Buy real estate, sell real estate, collect rent. Then take the time to do what I want to do with my life. Teach and help my community and build Islam.

You just have to get to a point where you know who you are. I know many of you out there may be mad at me, but I am accepting me for me. Eventually I will meet someone else who will do the same, we will make goals, we will accomplish goals, we will be happy Insha Allah.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Rest In Peace


The Saadiq family February 6 2002 - Officially wrapped up sometime later this year. We were a family of laughs and of intense love. We had traditions and our own sorrows. We were committed and proud, but now that the time has passed we will move on and go our separate ways. Another statistic in the families of statistics. I love my kids as does my wife. Our actions speak louder than our words and our message is clear that this is over.

Let us go on and find that happiness that has been so elusive. Let us find peace. Let us smile again. Let us love as if this was never true.

Salaam

Let go


I'm done, I've let go. The last little bit of withholding has passed. Now I wait to get this thing off of my foot and some kind of visitation with my children. They are going to a school that I don't want them to go to, but hey maybe I will start all over again at 40.

I talked to a good friend tonight who is in a similar situation as mine and he told me to stop holding on and just let it all go. Yeah my kids are not where I want them and probably not living the life that I want them to lead, but at the end of the day that is their problem Allah gave them that test. I can only be the best father that I can be and make every moment matter that I am with them. Now I just have to focus on me. So that is what I am going to do.

So now I walk alone. Doing the things that I am going to need to do to get my life back together. Pick up the old pieces assemble them nicely and move on. Two marriages gone down the drain. I think sometimes that I would get back with my first wife, but she hasn't changed really. She's learned quite a bit, but she is the same person, still her old ways persist. I haven't changed either. I'm still a wannabe polygamist. So the next time I get married and I think I will just say that right up front and let it ride. Hi my name's Muhammad and I'm a wannabe Polygamist. Then if a relationship starts Alhamdulillah and if she says he's a great guy but I can't hack that polygamy crap then Alhamdulillah. I will just focus on my kids and call it good. If I never get married again I pray to Allah to maintain my chastity and so far it has been going good. I haven't spilled the soup, which for some of you it is no problem, but for me it is a big deal. Maybe I will put up a personal ad somewhere after I get my finances back under my feet. Right now is just me time since I don't have my kids.

Maybe I'll learn how to be a friend, a son and a gentleman. I have agreed to Sakinah's terms of divorce and custody, unless she went and changed them from what she was asking for at first so this should go by swiftly. All she has to do is call a meeting to the table so that we can finish this and get it over with.

So yeah I am a polygamist. If you know yourself and your weaknesses then you can cut down on quite a bit of drama. Hopefully. Be true to thyself, know thyself, to thine ownself be true. I'm Done.

Peace

The truly sad thing is. I still love her like nobody's business. This has been a hard road, but all roads must end.

Education, Pedagogy and the Islamic Perspective

I am writing a presentation that I am going to be delivering to some associates and I have been slammed into a pool of perplexity so I like to come here to bounce off a soundboard. Even though I would probably get more response over on some forum. This however allows me to think out loud and hopefully the more serious commentators will comment.

I am doing a critical analysis of the the Islamic model of schooling with the current model of schooling and thinking of ways to come up with a better plan. In our tradition we have this hadith which I will quote, that is followed up with an explanation of the hadith by a scholar. Here it is:

3. Three Stages of Life

Islam has divided the upbringing of a child into three stages from birth to age 21. The division is based on the following hadith of the Prophet (s.a.w.): “The child is the master for seven years; and a slave for seven years and a vizier for seven years; so if he grows into a good character within 21 years, well and good; otherwise leave him alone because you have discharged your responsibility before Allah.”

The same hadith has been explained by Imam Ja`far as-Sadiq (a.s.): “Let your child play upto seven years; and keep him with you (for education and training) for another seven years; then if he succeeds (well and good); otherwise, there is no good in him.”

The First Stage: from birth to age seven

As the first stage is a care-free period, the child is to be considered as “master” of the parents. The Prophet said, “The child is the master for seven years.” This is the age of being a child and playing; he or she is not yet fully ready for education through formal instruction.

What has been said above, however, does not mean that a child cannot grasp or understand anything; not at all. The child is constantly influenced by the atmosphere in which he lives; he/she learns by observation and imitation; therefore, it is absolutely necessary for the parents to provide good examples by their own behaviour. The Prophet said, “Respect your children and teach them good behaviour, Allah will forgive (your sins).”

Although the child is not ready for formal instructions, our Imams have emphasized that religious issues —very basic and simple— should be introduced to them gradually. “Graduality” is the most important point to remember at this stage of life. The following hadith narrated by `Abdullah ibn Fazl from the fifth or sixth Imam is very significant to understand what is meant by gradually:

“When the child reaches 3 years of age, teach him seven times to recite la ilaha il-lal lāh.

Then leave him at that till he is 3 years, 7 months and 20 days old; then train him to say Muhammadun rasu-lul lāh.

Then leave him at that till he completes 4 years, then teach him seven times to say sal-lal lāhu `ala Muhammadin wa āli Muhammad.

Then leave him at that till he reaches the age of 5 years; then see if he can distinguish between the right and the left hand. When he knows the difference, then make him face qiblah and tell him to do sajdah.

This is to continue till he is 6 years of age. Then he should be told to pray and taught ruku` and sajdah.

When he completes 7 years, then he should be asked to wash his face and hands, and then told to pray.

This will continue till he reaches the age of 9 years, when he should be taught proper ritual ablution for prayer and proper salāt.

When he learns proper wudu and salāt, Allah forgives the sins of his parents.”

The Second Stage: from age eight to fourteen.

The Prophet said, “The child is...a slave for [the next] seven years.” Since this is the age when the child's mind can grasp logical reasoning and is developed for formal education—it is very important that the child not only be educated but, at the same time, he or she should be raised with proper Islamic ethics. By saying that the child is a “slave” from eight to fourteen, the Prophet wants to emphasize that at this age the parents should be strict in disciplining their children. A child is a “slave” in the sense that he has to follow the instructions of parents and teachers.

In the sayings of the Prophet (s.a.w.) and the Imams of Ahlu 'l-byat (a.s.), three things have been emphasized for the male children in the second stage of upbringing: 1. literacy for secular knowledge; 2. religious knowledge and 3. physical education and martial arts. For example, the Prophet (s.a.w.) said, “It is the right of the male child on his father to...teach him the Book of Allah...and riding and swimming.” Imam Ja`far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said, “It is the duty of the father to teach his son writing.”

Religious education is very crucial at this stage so that the child's religious beliefs are based on sound reasoning and firm foundation. Imam Ja`far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said, “Make haste in teaching your youngsters hadith before they are approached by murji`ite (a misguided sect).”

Literacy, and seeking of secular and religious knowledge has been equally emphasized for the girls in our ahadith. However, instead of physical education, the ahadith talk about those specific subjects which would help the girls in becoming good wives and educated mothers. The destiny of the future generations of the ummah, after all, depends on the mothers who are learned, informed, and aware of their role in establishing a society which is always conscious of Allah's presence.

The Third Stage: from age fifteen to twenty-one.

The Prophet described this stage of upbringing as follows: “The child...is an adviser for [the next] seven years.” At the age of fourteen, fifteen and up, a Muslim child is expected to have become a responsible teenager. Therefore, the Prophet says that the parents should now treat him or her more like a ‘friend’ than a ‘slave’.

At this stage, the parents should guide and help their teenage child in make correct decisions for themselves. In mid- and late-teens, the child has to start the specific training or education for the career that he intends to pursue so that he may soon stand on his own feet. It is also the time when the child is nearing the age of marriage.

Islam has strongly emphasized that the parents should get their daughters married at an early age when they have acquired mental maturity—their higher education can continue even after marriage but marriage should not be postponed for the sake of anything else. The condition of mental maturity cannot be measured by age or time. The same emphasis goes for male children.

At the age of twentyone, the parents’ responsibility towards their children comes to an end. If anyone brings up his children based on Islamic values, that child surely will be the apple of the parents' eyes and the delight of their hearts; and it is this child who, in his turn, may be hoped to fulfil his obligations towards his parents.

The Prophet said, “A virtuous child is a flower from the flowers of Paradise.” He also said, “Among the good fortunes of a man is the virtuous child.”

* * *

This lesson is based on `Allamah Sayyid Saeed Akhtar Rizvi's

The Family Life of Isam (Revised Edition, 1980)


Now right off the top I can say that I do not agree with all of the scholar’s perspective. Such as that all of that open time I interpret between birth and 7 years old however this is the model given by the Prophet (SaaW) so therefore it must be correct yes? At least in the fundamental guidelines, the Prophet doesn’t offer specifics as this scholar does. So then the appropriate course of action is to study what types of things are taught during those first 7 years and that would be something that if the mother herself did not do would have been ascribed to the nurse-maid. Therefore critical analysis of the first 7 years of a child's life of the most successful children of the era of the Prophet should be examined. I know that for myself and other parents out there reading this the idea of child as master for the first 7 years is somewhat frightening. With such blatant disrespect that is rampant among today's youth with all of the influences that are shoved on them by society.

Piaget’s formula of the cognitive stages of development mirror exactly in secular terms the findings of the Imam though:

Piaget's Stages of Cognitive Development

Sensory Motor Period
(0 - 24 months)
[More on this stage]

Developmental Stage
& Approximate Age Characteristic Behavior

Reflexive Stage
(0-2 months)

Simple reflex activity such as grasping, sucking.

Primary Circular Reactions
(2-4 months)

Reflexive behaviors occur in stereotyped repetition such as opening and closing fingers repetitively.

Secondary Circular Reactions
(4-8 months)

Repetition of change actions to reproduce interesting consequences such as kicking one's feet to more a mobile suspended over the crib.

Coordination of Secondary Reactions
(8-12 months)

Responses become coordinated into more complex sequences. Actions take on an "intentional" character such as the infant reaches behind a screen to obtain a hidden object.

Tertiary Circular Reactions
(12-18 months)

Discovery of new ways to produce the same consequence or obtain the same goal such as the infant may pull a pillow toward him in an attempt to get a toy resting on it.

Invention of New Means Through Mental Combination
(18-24 months)

Evidence of an internal representational system. Symbolizing the problem-solving sequence before actually responding. Deferred imitation.

The Preoperational Period
(2-7 years)
[More on this stage]

Developmental Stage
& Approximate Age Characteristic Behavior

Preoperational Phase
(2-4 years)

Increased use of verbal representation but speech is egocentric. The beginnings of symbolic rather than simple motor play. Transductive reasoning. Can think about something without the object being present by use of language.

Intuitive Phase
(4-7 years)

Speech becomes more social, less egocentric. The child has an intuitive grasp of logical concepts in some areas. However, there is still a tendency to focus attention on one aspect of an object while ignoring others. Concepts formed are crude and irreversible. Easy to believe in magical increase, decrease, disappearance. Reality not firm. Perceptions dominate judgment.

In moral-ethical realm, the child is not able to show principles underlying best behavior. Rules of a game not develop, only uses simple do's and don'ts imposed by authority.

Period of Concrete Operations
(7-11 years)
[More on this stage]

Characteristic Behavior:
Evidence for organized, logical thought. There is the ability to perform multiple classification tasks, order objects in a logical sequence, and comprehend the principle of conservation. thinking becomes less transductive and less egocentric. The child is capable of concrete problem-solving.

Some reversibility now possible (quantities moved can be restored such as in arithmetic:
3+4 = 7 and 7-4 = 3, etc.)

Class logic-finding bases to sort unlike objects into logical groups where previously it was on superficial perceived attribute such as color. Categorical labels such as "number" or animal" now available.

Period of Formal Operations
(11-15 years)
[More on this stage]

Characteristic Behavior:
Thought becomes more abstract, incorporating the principles of formal logic. The ability to generate abstract propositions, multiple hypotheses and their possible outcomes is evident. Thinking becomes less tied to concrete reality.

Formal logical systems can be acquired. Can handle proportions, algebraic manipulation, other purely abstract processes. If a + b = x then a = x - b. If ma/ca = IQ = 1.00 then Ma = CA.

Prepositional logic, as-if and if-then steps. Can use aids such as axioms to transcend human limits on comprehension.

The concept presented in the hadith forces us to reexamine the structure of education itself and forces us to look at the way children learn. So we have to play Prophet’s advocate here because of the verse that states:

Believers Have No Opinion - Except Allah's Decision
"It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision."
Quran [33:36]

This gets into a fiqh issue where commands come down as mandatory and then others that come down as suggestions open for believers to take from it what they will. I am not going to get into the issue of Fard vs Mubah here I am just going to assume Fard and roll with that and build a case of points based off of that. First to look at some of the history of compulsory schooling, the compulsory schooling system was designed by the state or the wealthy for the benefit of the wealthy to enable them to become more wealthy and to train people to accept their lot in life. The Prussian school system is a caste system that sorts children stratospherically into levels to the appointment of the establishment. The impetus of the school system was begun at a key developmental point that interrupts a child’s identity formulating of self. There is an increasing trend that is invisible to both Muslims and non-Muslims in this country and that is an imposed willingness to hand over children at younger and younger ages to some kind of impersonal institution. So children at an early age are thrust into an unnatural setting of reality. A setting of children of all their same age and not connected to anything or anyone whatsoever. Massive Daycare centers with teeming populations of children. I notice an obvious disconnect with the acceptance of self between my oldest daughter who went to daycare and my eldest son who remained at home under the love of his mother until he started school. My oldest daughter is more, angry, disconnected with herself and has more emotional instability than my son. This also coincided with my divorce as well so I am sure that there is a issue of double abandonment as she was thrust into an impersonal setting regardless of how fun it was made to seem. So let’s look at some of the favorable outcomes of the Prophet’s model of the first 7 years and then move on to the next 7 years.

What should be taught in the first 7 years? First of all the best place for the child in the first 7 years is in a loving atmosphere with the mother which is why in the course of selecting a mate the character of the Mother is the most important for the man. For the exercise of this paper though I am going to assume that we are talking about families that need two incomes to make it work or are broken by divorce or separation.

If we are to assume that Logical reasoning doesn’t truly happen until the age of 7 in which school can then be truly helpful then we must reanalyze the kinds of things done with the time for 1-7 when children begin to enter the Daycare/school system. Based off of the practices of the Prophet then these 3 years of schooling should be spent in developing some critical skills and those are simple to develop.

1. Memory is the first emphasis that should be mastered during these first years of schooling. A strong emphasis on developing the capacity of memory should be the sole focus during this period of time. Learning by rote indoctrination. Developing creative memory schemes. Learning memory games but a heavy focus on developing the capacity of memory should be thoroughly developed so that when the next seven years comes around they will not have any problem memorizing the concepts that will be given to them en masse. The development of memory should be enforced and reinforced throughout all areas of play. This is an optimum time to develop a sound Hafiz program so that children will have a baseline of knowledge for when the verses will be analyzed during the next seven years.

2. Manners, the next thing that should be developed are good manners and good social interaction skills. Learning how to play and be civil and human. How to relate to one another in the most beautiful fashion is the next order of business. Knowing the do’s and don’ts of social interaction with children and adults.

3. How to develop trust relationships and healthy forms of independence and interdependence. Learning leadership skills and the ability to be alone without anyone else and still be a whole person.

4. Action Exploration of the world around them. Learning their abilities and weaknesses. Developing fearlessness. Developing a command for language and physical ability.

5. These developing years are associated with doing and doing should be done in ways where children should not be interrupted every 5 minutes. They should be allowed to play and experience whatever it is that they are enjoying for long periods of time or however long their attention span grasps.

6. Gross concepts should be taught. The concept of numbers the concept of reading and the developing of attention to detail and the attention span on task.

7. These first 3-4 years of schooling should encourage heavy parental involvement. Offered through discounts and team building exercises the main focus will be placed upon ensuring there is a good bond with the child and the parent. If there is a good bond with the child and the parent then the child’s self-esteem will show through into the different spheres of learning. The importance of parental involvement actively during these first 4 years is crucial to the intellectual advancement of the child. It is a testimony of the clinginess of children during these first years of schooling that should be noted as an unnatural experience that needs to be broken. Meaning that the natural tendency to cling to their parents should be encouraged rather than stripped from them.

8. These years should be about action and getting things done and their accomplishments. No child can succeed without a desire to get something done and do a good job at it.

9. Responsibilities should be fostered and expected during this time.

10. Heavy stress of freedom of self while strong adherence to the limitations of Sunnah should be markedly driven home. First social norms should be enforced, then as the child grows and grows the norms of Sunnah.

11. Rooting out the seeds of procrastination.

These are my views on the elementary levels of schooling. The next level of schooling is where the schooling really starts. If memory is mastered during the primary years and the foundations are memorized if not fully explained during the first years now is the time to start tying all of those things that have been memorized into application and put to work.

1. If there is a sound mastering of the memorization capacity in the primary years then tying logical concepts into practical application should be able to move along rather swiftly.

2. Learning concepts should be synthesized rather than compartmentalized so that learning many subjects at once takes place and shortens the time it takes to master concepts. Like concepts should be taught together rather than separate. Such things as Debate, Logic, Programming, Word Problems, Investigative Research, and Troubleshooting should be taught together or in tandem so as to maximize the effects on their comprehension. Physics, Calculus, Algebra, Engineering, geometry, Mechanics, trigonometry, architecture should be taught together. Psychology, sociology, anthropology, history, political science should be taught together. Biology, Nutrition, anatomy, Food preparation, Diseases and diagnosis should be taught together. These things should be taught like this so that a more comprehensive method of understanding an interconnected world is instilled among the children.

3. Learning should as much as possible stress the relevance of the topic being taught. In other words a tangible benefit should always be tied into the concepts being presented. As in the study of linguistics active applications of learning languages and translating texts should be emphasized. In writing the active literacy of Debate and rhetoric and writing should be emphasized, always focused on conveying a point.

4. Active application exercises should always be entered upon. A focus on action based learning through work and results. Write and get things published, build, grow, cook all things that are done that can be tied together to what is actually being taught. I know for a fact that the attitude of a lot of learners is "where am I ever going to use this" and as such it is never tied to anything of value so for many it is never valued, but if learning can be tied to active applications then there is a difference and it makes a difference.

5. Little to no homework. Time at home should be spent in reflection or developing those constructive habits of personal interest.

Lastly is the last 7 years. This should be handled the way that it has been handled in the past. The child is grown at 15. Schooling is done and this is a time of apprenticeship. At this point the child should know pretty much what it is that they want to do with their life if they want to be a tradesman, and if they don’t then they should apply to college. If the current trend of some colleges is to get students up to speed of starting college in the first couple of years then at 15 there shouldn’t really be anything that should preclude them from attending college at this age. The entire first year can be CLEPped saving countless hours in school and money. Some schools take transfer credits up to 60 so it is possible that during the years of 15 – 18 children can simply take and master these tests and take them for college credit. If a child is seeking admission into a prestigious college these years can be spent mastering their Social hobby, physical hobby and intellectual hobby because it is these things and not grades that sets them apart from their peers in terms of admission to these types of schools. If they take this time to master their self by doing those things that most interest them. Traveling would be the optimum thing to use this time for in these years. Volunteering and really getting a grasp on the world. Taking the time to learn the essential skills of investing, homemaking, house building and very personal things that lend someone to a complete freedom rather than servitude of waiting for someone to tell them exactly what it is that they need to do.

In looking at school and its purposes this way we can begin to mold a future for ourselves and our Deen.