Sunday, October 12, 2008

Polygyny Analysis -- Self Reflection

This has been one of the best videos I have seen explaining the merits and responsibilities of Polygyny. My reflections are more about responsibility an nation building rather than other lowly experiences. I think that I am going to post some responses to some of the videos that are on youtube about polygyny so that I can crystallize my views and beliefs. I have my views and I know where I am. At this very moment I am not in any position to get married again period. I'm broke and living paycheck to paycheck. I can't really dump my homes to get into a better position but actually I think that I will see if I can do some financial maneuvering to get out of my yoke that I am presently in. I think that I was kind of looking for Sakinah to come around and was hoping that she would at least be honest with me. That however would force her to come to grips with some things that are seriously gone wrong and I just don't think that she is at a point where she can do that. I think that she is holding a lot of stuff in and hoping for some kind of break. I know that my position in all of this was a demanding of the truth, but she just wasn't able to do it. I had even gotten to the stage where I was going to go back and wipe the slate clean, but I feel her ego got in the way, maybe it was both of our egos who knows. Right now though I am going to do what I have to do. I feel that when I get this thing off of my foot I can start to hustle so that I can make some serious money, doing whatever. I plan to start speaking soon and teaching. I do know that when I do go into marriage again though I am just going to say that I am a polygamist and hopefully that can be worked out right up front. I think that I would take back both of my ex wives though. Sakinah and the otherone. Not only because I want my children around me and I have been robbed from being in the lives of my eldest two for too long now, but I think that would be the best and most responsible thing for the family. I will take Sakinah back if she could just tell the truth and accept me as I am. Which she won't so oh well.

So I will start a new family. This thing will be over soon and then the focus is all about the money at that point. Buy real estate, sell real estate, collect rent. Then take the time to do what I want to do with my life. Teach and help my community and build Islam.

You just have to get to a point where you know who you are. I know many of you out there may be mad at me, but I am accepting me for me. Eventually I will meet someone else who will do the same, we will make goals, we will accomplish goals, we will be happy Insha Allah.


  1. Do you think you are the right person to be advocating for polygamy or its merits? You have been divroced twice, your children will probably grow up with a step father? How is that building islam? You come across as someone who is selfish and have not priorotised your family but your unrealistic fantasy of being in a polygamous marriage.

  2. I may not be, but as I said the further I look into the dynamics of my divorce the more I find that polygamy had nothing to do with it. In most cases polygamy has very little to do with it.

    It is true that my children will probably grow up with a step father, but it won't be because I wasn't open and honest and the fact of the matter is that I was not in control of the polygamy reins at my house my wife was and every woman who approached me knew that. So I had taken priority of my family first. I wasn't going to marry a woman that my wife didn't approve of. I wasn't going to marry a wife if my wife wasn't comfortable with it. I wasn't going to marry a wife behind my wife's back and that was openly on the table for anyone asking about marrying Muhammad. So I don't see the validity of your statement of priorities. Just because I have the desire and not the funds doesn't remove the desire. Just because I have the desire and not the green light to go ahead doesn't remove the desire. Just because I have the desire and choose to not act upon it does not remove the desire. It is what it is and it has always been in its place. I have always been faithful and I have always desired it.

    I have just come to a point in my life going through this divorce to just be honest with everyone. I think that is the best policy. I can be single for the rest of my life, but knowing me and who I am and then expressing that I feel is better than trying to con myself into thinking that I don't have desires that I obviously do. So that is why I choose to just be honest.

    If my fantasy is unrealistic then I will naturally remain single and that will take care of the problem altogether. So I am cool with that. I'm cool it is all good.

  3. Assalamu alaikom Bro,

    Been reading alot of attacks by others on your desire for polygamy.
    I dont understand why people attack a man on a mere desire he has never acted upon. The mere desire isn't haram, and acting upon that desire isn't haram either if the conditions are met.

    Sisters, if you want to be "protected" from polygamy, you should set it in the initial marriage contract that you are to be the only wife. Xalaas!

    And don't go around commiting haram acts just because your husband has taken up the idea to get another wife. HAVE SOME DIGNITY about yourselves. Remember it is his GOD given right to have more than one wife, as long as he can afford it, be equal, and just. Just as it is your right and any other sisters right to get married and be taken care of.

    We all know the hadith that says "Any woman that asks her husband for a divorce without actual harm [being committed against her], then forbidden to her is the scent of Paradise"

    ALSO to the men we must be very careful when we start accussing our wives of something, like illect sex or whatever. If you are accusing her of illect sex you better have 4 witnesses who ACTUALLY saw it happen. NOT just what you think up in your head because your insecure or what some person thinks has happened when for sure they never saw anything. As it was reported that the Prophet (saw) said in a hadith, ALLAH KNOWS WHICH ONE OF YOU IS LYING!