Monday, October 12, 2009

Um Hmm

The truth of an old lie that was thought was the truth hurts more than ever. Is it true that a dead heart feels no pain. Even though it is covered and concealed. It still hurts there in all of its sullen glory. It hoped for freedom and a chance of summer rain warm and refreshing. But only acid fell. Now shriveled and dying encased by scars it beats slowly, maybe once a blue moon. It was once beautiful, but now waits for the one who knows true treasure whilst seeking through the discarded remains of memories past to find it. The healing though comes from one above.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

My Silence

Hello all,

I know a lot of my fans have stopped by and said hello. Cheered me on and encouraged me to talk. I appreciate all of that. I have to say something about my silence. Besides me being busy with my photography business, giving photography classes and spending time with my kids every weekend I just haven't made the time. It is hurting me and it hurts every time evaluations time comes around because I'm out of practice of writing. However what everyone wants to know is my silence.

Well I have quite a bit to say on that actually. The number one reason for my silence is this. Islamically I'm not where I want to be and I don't want to be the excuse that someone justifies their slacking of Deen with. I know the rules and I have broken them and I don't want to be a justification for anyone else. My Deen is in the dumps, but Insha Allah there is hope yet. I am still praying all 5 prayers in their time and I try to make it to Isha at the Masjid. I fasted recently trying to make up all of my days of Shawwal. So I am still struggling through. My marriage well I can only leave this to say that my heart is broken and I'm not looking to do that again any time soon. I thought we were going to reconcile, but it seems that is not going to be the case. She calls and I don't call her back. I call and she doesn't call me back. We say we have sat by the phone waiting for the other to call that never comes through. I don't see how this is how we would have made it. In the future I really feel like "I'm not going to ask you any questions so you can save your lies" type of approach towards relationships right now. I don't want any promises of chastity, I don't want any promises of faithfulness, I don't want any promises of a beautiful future, Save it. You do you and I'll do me

As for Deen I'm holding on to the prayer as tight as I can. That ultimately is the best advice that I can give anyone. I believe even if you are down and out. Depressed and despondent and possibly even suicidal I believe the practice of Salaat is what will pull you through in the end. Also even if you don't pull all the way through one of those Salaat that you are doing may be a benefit for you on Yaumin Qiyyamah. Just don't give up the Salaat.

I'm not promising that I'm going to start writing again, but I'm hoping for the best and Insha Allah I will see you soon.