Thursday, September 27, 2007

Opening the Discourse on Polygamy

I would like to open a discourse here on polygamy. I hope this works as I Jacked this from Miz Azeez's site Polygynous Blessings. I highly recommend you help her in her latest book and fill out her questionaires. I hope she doesn't mind I really do. I am going to link to her questionaires in this post Insha Allah.

FOR YOUR LISTENING BENEFIT>>>AN EXCELLENT RADIO PROGRAM ON POLYGYNY

900AM WURD-Polygyny in Islaam w/ Abul Hasan Maalik Adam (Part 1)









900AM WURD-Polygyny in Islaam w/ Abul Hasan Maalik (Part 2)









I want you to listen and then hit me up on what were your thoughts and feelings of the talk. I think that Brother Abdul Hasan Maalik was very thorough at least as much as he could be given the format and time frame of the show. The questions and answers are very good and informative. I want to know what you all think about it.

If you are thinking about Polygamy as a brother or sister fill out Azeez's Questionaire for brothers or her Questionaire for Sisters. I hope you don't just fill out her questionaires and not comment on my blog.

YES!!!! Jena 6 teen released on $45,000 bail


Alhamdulillah Rabil A'lameen there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately we are not out of the woods yet. In America there is a little process I call hide the Salami. Unfortunately when a lot of the smoke clears people find that the Salami has been placed in their own butts.

Mychal Bell has been released on bail Hip Hip Hooray and not tried as an adult Alhamdulillah for that too, but here is the deal. America's attention span is effectively two weeks long and after this leaves the headlines then it will effectively be put to sleep and the only good to come out of this will be that he won't be tried as an adult.

So what I am going to do is get in contact with other supporters of this case and organize a Click Rally on the crucial dates of the court hearings and rulings in this case. It may also be the case that since he will be tried as a juvenile the media will be denied access to this case altogether which could pose more problems. I will keep you informed.

America's Solution



America's solution

I've said it before that if you don't look at American News without first asking the question who is going to make money from this you've missed the big picture. It doesn't matter if the story is the size of Paris Hilton's new boobs or Big Stories like planes crashing into buildings. You have got to ask yourself First who is going to make money from this?

In this piece the story is Bayer spreading aids throughout the world. I wonder if those were the countries against Bush's Policy on Iraq. South America, Europe, France and Japan were the lucky recipients of the latest dose of the AIDS virus. So neatly distributed among the masses. Makes you wonder if that whole sex with monkeys story holds up, or was it just idiotic racist babble. The precision with which Bayer infected scores of unsuspecting hemophiliacs was nothing less than military in it's design. Maybe now there will be a cure now that Gibrau and Kiyosaki are now on the hit list?

So then you ask that terror is an outrageous course of action to take? I don't know about you, but if I found out that some fat ass snobbish motherfu**er gave my beautiful daughter the AIDS virus on purpose to meet third quarter profits. I know for a fact I would be stuffing some C4 in that Bentley or Maybach and putting corporate America on alert and when they catch me I would release a website in China and gladly go to jail for killing them and their whole families. Needless to say I would be pissed.

Cause you no what Bayer said when it all came out right. My Bad so sorry that happened to you. Hopefully they are aligning this stunt up with an antidote so that their profits will really skyrocket. If not then they are very stupid. Bastards. America gotta love it. And people really look at me funny when I tell them that 9/11 was a bunch of malarky. Am I denying that planes hit the buildings No. I am not taking anything away from those who died in that tragic event, but I do say that the only people that made out on that day were the capitalist and that is a fact that cannot be denied. Northrop Grumman, FMC, Springfield Armory, Haliburton, Exxon Gas, Citibank. The owner of the buildings didn't lose out he made an insurance profit and I forget how long he had to hold on to them. The Bush administration went from sudden doom to hero of the day. All the while most Americans miss the shell game. I don't even WATCH the news and I could see the transparency in that whole scheme.

I have said in previous posts that the Iraq invasion is going to go on forever. Why it is a detractor. Watch the card Watch the card are you watching are you watching. Boom where is the card? Nope pay up. Thank you for your time, come on again I got lucky you can do better next time. Aww I'm sorry thank you for your money. I'll tell you what I'll give you back some money but we have to double the stakes. Aww sorry you lose again. No more money thanks for playing I think this is my stop.

It is a systematic process. Destabilize the region, create in-fighting between the natives. Focus on the loss of American lives and rip everybody off. The intelligencia like Noam Chomsky are marginalized. The lack of a unified Islamic base or religious base marginalizes those who would talk by making sure the other side has more news coverage. If Christians speak out against this, the gay liberalist leaders get all the press. Thus bringing the issue into a giant debate that goes no where and again thank you for your money as we raise taxes and the price of common goods so that you can only work paycheck to paycheck and not think about anything else except how are you going to pay those bills.

The children are locked into Television so that they effectively learn that the only thing working is good for is to buy stuff that you really don't need and perhaps don't even want but Suzie has one and that is all that is important.

So what is the point? Watch yourself? and Watch your back America is not on your side. I'm not saying that there aren't good people in America, there are scores from all faith groups and all equally being raped by the system, the machine of what America truly is... Evil.

If you try to placate that statement you have only to look to this definition. If Something is Godless then it is devoid of God thus wherein the God of the place becomes the base desires of that place. A smorgasboard where all desires are sated. A place where there is never enough and the only one that matters is me, because without God Me is God. And that is always correct as long as you in yourself as God doesn't take away from Me in myself as God. This is faulted logic for the one with the biggest stick or the smartest brick always wins and the world is ruled by strategy and lies, and everything is ultimately corrupt from its basest source. This is how a fortune 500 country can sell a highly transmittable deadly human virus to children in a country that is not their own without any regret or remorse nor repercussions for their actions. This is the essence of America the State.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Will real political hip-hop make a come back?


(Brother Ali: Uncle Sam Goddamn. Contains explicit lyrics)


When people ask me how I became Muslim I emphatically give credit to Chuck D and Public Enemy. Although I didn't go the route following Minister Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam, it was the door to Islam that I came through. I thank Chuck for that. It was inspiration from his pro-black Islamically themed lyrics that created the desire in me for change and social uprising.

It was through bands like Public Enemy, and Poor Righteous Teachers, KRS-1 and others that fueled a powerful pro-black movement in the 80's and now it seems that it is time for that spirit to roll around again. Hip-Hop lives in the underground where the tracks aren't pimped out through record execs pushing senseless purchases of things you don't need and glorifying violence and prostitution. Real hip hop is highly intelligent and complex and it is color blind and beautiful. I've been listening to some new artists on the Underground Circuit and they are keeping hip-hop alive. The political hip-hop is just as raw and educational as ever which is good. It forces the mind or highly encourages one to go and look up what they are talking about. Curiosity is the key to learning and expanding the brain.

I loved the video. The images were raw and to the point and the lyrics were on track with the current state of the union. He makes a point and is vibrant. I will probably be downloading some more of his stuff.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Jena 6: My support will go on!


Now here we are in 2007 supposedly years after the marches on Washington D.C. and supposed equality and justice for all and yet we are right back where we started from. It will be a sad state of affairs if this trial goes the way of other American injustices. You know the two week blurb and then it is old news. NO we must do what we can to keep this trial alive. We must do what we can to keep it in front of the camera. As long as it is a hot topic it will be in front of the media. As long as some stupid nonsense like Michael Jackson is gay doesn't hit the press then it will stay in the media. As long as people buy copies of news papers and write the editor based on their coverage of the case it will stay in front of everyone. You want to know what makes news? It is the stuff they can sell. You want justice for these men. Buy news papers, buy magazines, blog about it, link to news stories covering the articles and have your bloggers click on them, even if they have already read the story. So I want you to Read about how 60,000 people descended on the town of Jena Louisiana. I want you to Read about how the judge denied the request to free Mychal Bell and even if you don't have time to read about it I want you to click on it. Click on those links from home and from work at a friends house and then I want you to find another story and link to that too. This is how the American media machine works. And when the story fails to show up in the press. I want you to go to every search outlet and google, yahoo, msn or whatever the plight of the Jena six. They keep statistics and if several million people google it all on the same day then hey. You had better bet it will make front line news.

Thank you for your support.

Now if you would please click here and support me in my support. And come back often.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Queen of Islam

Stone is cold on the Steps of God
She sits and waits patiently
The marble expansive the sun is hot
The remembrance of her Lord
She is not loud with brazen voice
Her plight she takes in silence
Although she is unjustified
she wants not for violence
She sits and waits and reminds us all
As we fulfill our obligation
She is one the wonderful
A mother to a nation
One does not know who stripped her gain
Her wealth and way of life
In her plight she indeed is honored
By Allah for patience in strife
Week after week she is seen
Lord a constant reminder
We are in debt each one and all
to the favors of our Lord
May our hearts well up with love
and bring things to accord
Her arms outstretched her lips held tight
No satisfaction in her cries
She is covered head to toe
Her pain seen by His eyes
She gives me strength to go on and champion
This Deen that I am on
She may be a beggar woman
But she is a Queen of Islam

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Wow What a change

Most people used to get to my blog in one of two ways through my wife's site or Through Safa's site. Now almost everyone is googling me through some means or another. It is cool to see the shift. I may have to take my picture down soon. Someone might recognize me. LOL

Helloooo All

A sister has just posted just about every Mufti's writings on the Oral Sex issue in my Does a woman have to make Ghusl Post. It is pretty extensive. As for myself I am NOT going to comment. All I will say is THERE YOU GO and THAT being Said you all are more than free to truly decide what level of faith you seek to aspire to.

You know there were a lot of questions that the Sahaba didn't ask ON PURPOSE.

What does it say in the Quran? Why would you ask something that if you knew the answer to would cause you a great deal of hardship? Well now you know why that verse is in there.


5:101 O ye who believe! ask not questions about things which, if made plain to you, may cause you trouble. But if ye ask about things when the Qur'an is being revealed, they will be made plain to you, Allah will forgive those: for Allah is Oft- forgiving, Most Forbearing.


And then there was the other one.

5:102 Some people before you did ask such questions, and on that account lost their faith.


Sometimes ignorance is bliss. If you don't know you surely can't be blamed for it but once you do know then you have to be held accountable on Yaumin Kiyamma. So THERE YOU GO!!

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Mosques and Riffa Fort



New album updated. Check out the new pics I think these are some of the best ones yet.

America is back pedaling

Is America slowly sinking back into the cesspool of an ignorant racist country? Has it ever left that cesspool? These are questions that most Americans should ask. The link is to a news story of Megan Williams covered by Fox News of all people about a woman who was captured by a redneck family and forced to have sex and eat rat droppings and drink out of the toilet. Unlike the Jena 6 this redneck family will be prosecuted. At first reading this I was surprised that the hate crimes charge was dropped from the case, but only after prosecutors saw that the kidnapping and sexual assault carried stiffer charges.

The wisdom behind a story like this bears in mind a Hadith that I recall where the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhe Wa Salam said that in the end of days beware of the bastard children. Psychologically this demographic will have a high ratio of mental issues. Especially issues where basic human compassion are concerned. In cases of Racism and hate the basest of evils rears its ugly head. You wonder how could someone kidnap someone and force them to perform sex, but in a society where sex is a commercial rubric it is not hard at all to foresee. If you couple that with our bloodthirsty war-mongering President as an example of leadership then all intolerant behavior falls inline.

It is sad to see a great nation slipping into the abyss of complete moral depravity and social disconnect. Maybe the Muslims there will do their/our jobs and bring peace to the region.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

What companies should ask at check out.

Would you like to have your receipt emailed to you?

Here is a million dollar idea for you create a portal where your purchases are emailed to you at check out. Why? because first of all keeping receipts is a pain to begin with and I was thinking this is the greatest asset of online stores is because they email you your product confirmation and you always have it. If you have Gmail or something. So six months to a year down the road I don't have to worry about looking for a reciept for something that I bought because I have it. Especially for warranty information. They make you fill out those stupid warranty cards and then they never keep a database of you so you need all of your original documentation anyway.

It is a really good idea. I would especially love if Wal-Mart did this because it would make it really easy when buying electronics and stuff to keep that receipt in case you needed to return something.

It should be a relatively easy process that may take a few clicks to implement but it would be a great idea. Then you wouldn't have to buy that stupid scanning software because everything would be right there online.

If you read this and you implement it I would like to send my kids to college so slip me a couple of bucks and I will advertise your service forever.

Cheers

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Ramadan Mubarak everyone

I wish all of you a happy and blessed Ramadan. My posts will probably get thin in this month of fasting and reflection. I hope you all can peel away from the screen and focus on your Deen this month. Insha Allah on the other end we will all arise refreshed and focused.

Wa A'laikum AsSalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

How Disney Hoes out our girls


It's not the first time that Disney stars have been turned out. The list is becoming long and glamorous of all of the Teeny Bopper leading ladies being whored out by the media, or by themselves. The latest applicant to the hoochie field is Vanessa Ann Hudgens. My daughter idolizes this girl. I don't like it. I never wanted to get that stupid machine in my home but there it is the TV.

So how does Disney do it, or rather Hollywood because of the actresses need to "break the mold" so to say apparently right after running off of the Disney set the actresses are I suppose pressured into doing more Adult roles. Usually of the mildly pornographic nature. She comes currently on the heels of Lindsay Lohan, Anne Hathaway and even Hillary Duff is jumping in on the Hoochie wagon. What happens is the stars that our children are watching suddenly get sucked into the world of supposed adulthood and then they Hooch out and Bam the parent is left dumbfounded and completely undermined as the person that they entrusted their child's decency to has slutted themselves out to the industry. So then what basis do you have to stand on? So now you have to start back pedaling. I say throw out all of the friggin TV's and then you won't have such a problem up close and personal.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Home of the Free, Land of the Oppressed




I have to say something about this. It is high time that I start using the 51 people that come to my blog for something positive. If you have a slow connection this is about the Jena 6. I have to admit that I have really been trying to ignore the race card however some Americans keep it alive and well. I will add to this post some email addresses that I am going to want you to contact, but for now I am going to sleep so it probably won't be until I get home tomorrow. Please disseminate this video to the widest possible audience.

Thank you.

If you need to link to the YouTube video click this.


Please email fox news, Cnn, Your Local news outlets, BBC News and Al Jazira and ask them why they are not covering this news story. If you are not native to America I think that it would be better because of the international embarrassment that would hopefully force the American News machine hand at covering this story. There is a massive race relations story that they could build out of this all they would have to do is go to the area.

Missing Big Love




I am definitely missing Big Love. I can buy it for $60 which I think that I will. I think I will only buy season 2 though I watched all of season one already. I haven't been keeping up with it but hear that it is the bomb. So I think that I will treat myself next paycheck to me some Big Love.

Does a wife have to make Ghusl after Oral Sex?

People were asking that I really need to find out what the ruling is. After running around SunniPath for hours this is what I deduced. If you do not have a female ejaculation upon stimulating your husband then you do not have to perform Ghusl. He however will have to perform Ghusl. You will have to perform Wudu because you touched his private. Of all of the answers on SunniPath this is the one that is the closest to the circumstance in question.

Ghusl: unsure whether orgasm occurred
Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani, SunniPath Academy Teacher

(Newly married couple) Does a wife have to make a ghusl if she was stimulated by her husband, feeling wetness but not being sure if she fully experienced an orgasm?


So even if he cums and it gets on you then you only have to wash it off and make wudu. If anyone who reads this is in contact with any of those brothers from SunniPath and my deduction is incorrect then please let me know. Swallowing his Sperm is Highly Disliked, but it is not Haram. I know that one hits hard and really separates the spitters from the swallowers. If you enjoy swallowing for those who do it isn't Haram, but it is close to that edge so you have to decide where you want to take that. I have included the posts that I used to come to my deduction.



Fiqh 1.11: Sperm, Al-Mani

Some scholars say that sperm is impure, but apparently it is pure, for it is only recommended to wash it off if it is still wet, and to scratch it off if it is dry. Said 'Aishah, "I used to scratch the sperm off the Messenger of Allah's clothes if it was dry, and wash it off if it was still wet." (This is related by ad-Daraqutni, Abu 'Awanah and al-Bazzar). It is also related that Ibn 'Abbas said, "I asked the Messenger of Allah about sperm on clothes. He said, 'It is the same as mucus and spittle. It is sufficient to rub the area with a rag or cloth."'

The hadith was related by ad-Daraqutni, al-Baihaqi and atTahawi. There is a difference in the narration over whether it should be in marfu'or mauqoof form.



Bedroom Fiqh: Clarifications on a Previous Post
Answered by Shaykh Amjad Rasheed

I recently read in one of your answers that it is permissible for husband and wife to stimulate each other by using their mouths and tongues on each other’s genitals. You then conditioned this permissibility by saying that, "Someone who does what has been mentioned above should avoid filth if it is present on the private parts." I have a number of questions on this point:

  1. By "should", do you mean it is obligatory to do so?
  2. Are ejaculate [m: Ar. maniyy, cf. Reliance, e10.4], pre-ejaculate [m: Ar. madhy, cf. Reliance, e10.5(1)], and other fluids that exit the male and female private parts included in what must be avoided?
  3. What exactly is meant by "avoid"? Does it mean not swallowing or does it also mean avoiding contact?
  4. If, by "avoid", you mean avoiding contact, then this effectively renders these acts forbidden since it is almost impossible to avoid contact with these fluids since pre-ejaculate (Ar. madhy), for example, will inevitably be present in such a situation.
  5. Are these acts disliked (makruh) or contrary to the sunnah?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم الحمد لله رب العالمين و صلى الله على سيدنا محمد و على آله و صحبه و سلم أما بعد

(1) Yes, it is obligatory to avoid filth (meaning to touch it when it is moist or when the one touching it is moist) except when one needs to. Otherwise, this would be considered smearing oneself with filth, which is forbidden.

(2) Ejaculate (Ar. maniyy) is pure, so it is not necessary to avoid. However, swallowing it is forbidden because it is considered repulsive. As for pre-ejaculate (Ar. madhy) and other fluids that exit the private parts, they are filthy, and must be avoided as described above.

(3) "Avoiding [h: filth]" means avoiding direct skin contact with any part of the body, whether by swallowing or by touching.

(4) What the scholars have explicitly mentioned is that these acts are permitted between husband and wife. However, they are only permitted if one avoids contact with filth because there is no need [h: to touch the filth] in this case. So if one wants to perform such an act, he or she must stay away from filth. [h: As for the objection that the condition of avoiding filth effectively renders these acts impermissible, it is not true because] not everyone immediately excretes pre-ejaculate (Ar. madhy); rather, people have differing natures in this regard.

(5) What is explicitly mentioned in the texts is that these acts are permissible. I have not seen anyone mention that they are disliked or better not to do (Ar.khilaf al-awla), and Allah knows best.

Amjad Rasheed
Amman, Jordan

(Translated by Moustafa Elqabbany and Hamza Karamali)

Ghusl Upon Ejaculation
Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani, SunniPath Academy Teacher

Must a woman of the Hanafi Madhab perform ghusl if she engages in sexual activities with her husband where she climaxes but this is done *without* penetration. Furthermore, there is no contact with her privates as she is wearing undergarments. What about if all of the above remains true but she comes into contact with her husband's semen?


A purificatory bath (ghusl) would be required in such a case, because the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, “Water is required by water.” [A rigorously authentic hadith reported by Muslim, from Abu Sa`id al-Khudri (Allah be pleased with him)] That is, one needs to use water for a purificatory bath, if ejaculation takes place.

Muwaffaq al-Din Ibn Qudama (d. 620 AH) mentioned in his masterpiece of Hanbali and comparative fiqh, al-Mughni,

“The exiting of ejaculate with desire makes a purificatory bath (ghusl) obligatory for men and women, whether in waking or sleep. This is the position of the generality of the fuqaha, as Tirmidhi said, and we are not aware of any disagreement on this.” [Ibn Qudama, al-Mughni, 1: 278, Dar Ihya’ al-Turath al-Arabi]

Imam Abu Bakr al-Kasani reported scholarly consensus on this in his Bada’i` al-Sana’i` (1: 36)

As for when actual intercourse takes places, a purificatory bath is obligatory (fard), even if no ejaculation takes place.

Ala’ al-Din Abidin, the 19th Century Damascene faqih and son of Ibn Abidin, said in his al-Hadiyya al-`Ala’iyya:

“A purificatory bath is necessitated by:

a) sperm or female ejaculate that leaves its place of origin with desire [f: whether actual or effective], even if it exits the body without desire, even if without sexual intercourse;

b) the head of the penis entering either private part of a living human being who is fit for sexual intercourse, even without any release of sexual fluids…” [al-Hadiyya al-`Ala’iyya, ]

Wassalam,
Faraz Rabbani

.....

One becomes in a state of (janaba) for two reasons:

The first reason: Semen exiting the man's penis or female ejaculate exiting the woman's vagina, from its place of origin with desire. Abu Dawud and others have related from Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) that she said: "The Messenger of Allah was asked about a man who finds wetness (f: of semen from ejaculation), but does not remember having a wet dream. So he said (Allah bless him and give him peace), 'he must perform ghusl.' And he was asked about a man who thinks he had a wet dream, but finds no wetness. So he said (Allah bless him and give him peace), 'he does not have to perform ghusl.' So Umm Sulaim said, 'if a woman finds wetness, does she have to perform ghusl?' He said: Yes, women are the partners of men.'" .....


When and how is a woman napak (impure), and in need of Ghusl?



Thursday, September 06, 2007

Nights in Manama



I just posted this to the web album. It was taken over suicide bridge. I don't know the real name of the bridge though. I hope you like them.

Releasing the Answer

Okay folks this is going to be one of Muhammad's sexually explicit posts so if that type of thing makes you gag go ahead and skip this one. I am going to be frank and honest with this question the way that I am because frankly a lot of people skim over issues like this and don't delve into the meat of the issue.

Writing to Release asked:


I am confused, Help me out Muhammed, because you have a high sex drive gives you a reason to take on another wife? What happens to controlling your Sexual drive? So if "T" and I were to get married or go to the next level if he decideds that I cannot perform (in other words I dont want Sex as much as he does) he should have the right to go out and get another wife)? Please you need to really Make a post on this, I need to see this from a mans point of view and I know you will need more space than the comment box.. Help a Sister out with this question that I am yearning to know the answer to.....

Shalom


Now this is an excellent question and one that needs to be answered. First of all sexual frustration in a marriage is a cause of some serious friction. I want to expand here and annotate that sex goes both ways. If the man or the woman isn't satisfying their partner then there are some changes that need to take place and overtime needs to be punched in on the clock.

Release the short answer to your question is yes. The between the lines answer is not so short. I have a high sex drive however all of it is funneled into my wife alhamdulillah no pun intended. She satisfies all of my needs just fine. What you are asking is if T wants it 7 or 8 times a day and a sister just can't keep up what is she to do. Well frankly there is a lot that you can do (getting graphic) there are other ways that he can be pleased that do not involve your sore parts. Hands, feet, mouth and breast can all be used if you are tuckered out. A bottle of olive oil and an imagination can go a long way.

Now there is a point that I want to make here and I hope that I don't forget it. When couples are newly in love they have sex at a higher frequency than couples that have been together for a while. Mainly because the sex routine becomes, well routine the same time the same place the same positions especially after the introduction of children. The problem with this is if your man or woman had a high sex drive before things became routine, just because things are routine doesn't mean that their sex drive has dissipated. It is still there but there is one thing that is lacking can you all guess what it is? Communication yes right on the money.

Sex has everything to do with communication. It is the difference between a good lover and a stink bomb. Now unfortunately because of the way many of us have been raised many of us have serious repressive thoughts about sex and so it is a taboo subject. If you combine that with someone who has a high sex drive you are working your way towards problems, because in essence your man (I'm using man but it is a unisex issue, I'm just tired of correcting the person) is left vulnerable to the one sultry voice that says "I want to screw your brains out." The F word goes more to the point but I'm trying to tone it down. Once that happens he will tag along like the cows on the Home on the Range video. The next thing he will be doing is trying to justify his actions with talks of Giving her the Dawah and becoming Captain Save-a-ho.

So how do you address this problem? Talk about everything and assume NOTHING did I say NOTHING you know what happens when we assume don't we. Also take a sledgehammer and break the routine. If you wait or your spouse has to wait until dinner is done, kids are played with, Bed, bath and books are done. Wait for you to get in the shower to freshen up and put make-up and sex-me-pumps on before the show begins chances are you are going to be finding a sleeping spouse and a frustrated spouse. Break the routine get some right after fajr or qiyyamul layl, right when he comes home from work, in the parking lot do anything but let your sex life get routine. Honey it is 9:35 you have until 9:37 to get yours because I have a meeting in the morning and I need my sleep. That is always a bad thing.

One problem that Muslims have that is unique to the sex routine conundrum is ghusl. I don't know how many times sex has been put off because of not wanting to make ghusl (the obligatory wash after sex). Sisters don't want to have to keep making ghusl after ghusl because they will never be able to do anything with their hair. It is a perm killer. So nine times out of ten hubby is going to have to wait until after Isha to get anything. Which is an appetite for a monotonous routine even if you have sex everyday. Everyone sitting around watching the clock waiting for Isha to come in. Don't do that. There is a ruling on oral sex and men's sperm I want to throw in here but I forgot what it was. It was either if you did it and didn't allow any to touch you is what I think it is. I think that is what it is if you perform oral sex and his sperm doesn't touch you then you don't have to make ghusl, but if he comes either way he has to make it. I believe that is correct because sperm in and of itself is not Najis (dirty) but it gets complicated. Never mind I forget. I'm too chicken to ask those questions at the Darse, I think most Muslims are so they normally ask in private. Anyway it would save you from making a ghusl, but you have to go and get the correct ruling.

Lastly that thing that I wanted to mention and not forget is this. If your man wants sex all of the time it could be A special type of stimulation that he is craving that may or may not have anything to do with sex. It may be a belief that women need to be satisfied all the time or they will cheat. It could be a number of reasons that his sex drive is so high. In other words it may be physical in which case you need to get creative or it could be psychological in which case you need to get them to therapy and be patient.

The getting a second wife issue should fall under the rules and conditions that you have already discussed. He should respect those rules and not do anything to violate trust. In no way should you ever be sideswiped because you should discuss everything with your spouse so you know exactly where they are at all times.

I hope this answers your Non-question as well as your question.

Polygamy on the late Show


Subhannallah Sister MizAzeez wrote this book quite a while ago and I am only now giving her the credit. I haven't read it yet but I plan to download it and read it. She has an electronic version. I hope that it will be a resource to any of you who wish to read it.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

How to approach your wife about Polygamy?

So who am I? Well for the most part I'm just a Muslim from amongst the Muslims. For my non-Muslim readers out there I have plenty of information that you will want to read. I have been talking about polygamy for at least 10 years now. I have been divorced once where the subject was brought up (polygamy wasn't the head of the problem, but it didn't make the existing problems any easier to deal with). I have approached both wives with polygamy. My current wife I am very happily still married to. I hope to in this post spread some wisdom about the subject and hopefully save your marriage and some feelings if you are not yet married. Now I am not going to blab on but jump right into the meat of the topic.

There are two major pitfalls in regards to polygamy for the man one before the second marriage and one after. In everything the most important aspect is communication. In the beginning the main major mistake most men make is they Lie, deceive, misrepresent the truth, Lie by omission, swindle, sneak or connive. All of these things violate the foundation of any relationship, Trust. Once trust has been violated it is all downhill from there. It is almost impossible to recover from a violation of trust. Even if your woman is exceptionally forgiving when you violate the trust that she has placed in you, you have broken something very sensitive. So why would you do such a thing? The answer to that is simple, you are unable to communicate your feelings or intentions to your spouse. If this case exists then you probably have larger problems brewing than how you are going to tell your wife you want another woman.

For non-married men the issue of polygamy is something that you must bring up PRIOR to marriage. If you believe that you really want to be a polygamist then that is something that your future spouse should know. Chances are you are not going to change, if you want two now you will want two fifteen years into marriage and one day the opportunity will present itself and then what will you do? Hem and haw and probably go ahead or worse, cheat and then try to fix it up later with a subsequent Nikah. If she loves you she may be reserved and marry you anyway. She may not, however that is a decision that you should make before you marry her.

The idea of polygamy never goes away once it is seated, you will always remember it like an old song, word for word (at least the chorus). So you must be real to yourself and your spouse. In all of the conversations that I've had with Muslimahs over the years Lying and Deceit are the number one turn offs. I'm not saying that women sharing their man for the rest of their lives is a turn on, however your honesty does make a large difference. The most important thing is communication. Women thrive on attention and communication without it Shaytan is there to play all kinds of havoc on your relationship Poly or not so talk. If going polygamist is going to throw your woman into a big fuss those are fights that you are going to want to take PRIOR to actually going polygamist. Things are usually smoother once you have worked out all of the bugs and laid down basic ground rules. If you never get to that point then you need to evaluate and reevaluate your situation you might want to read this story here from Safa asking some very serious questions. If you aren't prepared to answer them then you don't need polygamy, Astaghfirallah it would be better for you to go out have your fun and when you find an empty lifestyle repent and then think about getting married. I can't recommend that though because you don't know what you will be forgiven for and what will stick to your neck.

Your ability to be able to tell your spouse anything is ultimately what is the most important. If you want to give up your $200,000 job and move out west to raise guinea pigs you need to be able to say that. You should feel comfortable saying it trusting that she is not going to freak all out. If your relationship is not to that point then you have a lot of work to do. From the masculine stand point polygamy isn't one of those things that you don't bring up because you didn't want to upset your wife, because I guarantee you she is going to be a whole lot more upset when you bring sister oh-so-damn-fine through the door talking about here she is your new cowife honey isn't it great you two can sew and knit together it is gonna be so much fun...NOT!!! That is not going to work and will only start your relationship in fitnah. If you know anything about women you know that they will remember something that you did wrong forever and then some.

I can't stress communication enough even if you don't go with polygamy the subject is a good topic to bring up. Why? Because when women talk about polygamy the are going to tell you all of their sensitivities, needs and wants. These are things that are entrusted to you and how you are endeared to her is how you protect that thing. Listen to this comment:

I know that there are instances where women have been able to forgive and move on after an incidence of infidelity but how do you do that with something that is on-going? The only way that I can see it happening is if there is no 'love' in the relationship. How do you have a real, loving, honest connection during lovemaking without imagining him with his other 'wife'. When can you relax and not wonder if you 'stack up' to the other woman?

What is she saying? Obviously she is concerned with the PRESSURE of competing on a daily basis. Which means your time with this woman if she was your wife will need to be special and your life with the other woman will need to not be mentioned. If you do any comparison in ANY realm she is going to be sensitive to it. What she would need is assurances daily, possibly hourly that you are more than happy with what she has to offer and until she feels that way she is going to have problems. Women naturally compare themselves to each other all the time however the stress of having to do it on a bi-nightly basis can be daunting. It is your responsibility to address that.

Ok now we are moving into the realm of what to do after you get your second wife so we will pause for a movie. This is an example of what NOT to do after you settle in with your second wife.




The next single most largest complaint of those who are in polygamy is fairness and time management. From the video you saw that the husband obviously wasn't being fair in terms of time and affection or attention even. No you have to be fair across the board. Time, Money, Attention to children, Sex everything. When the Quran talks about inability to be fair it if you reflect on the Sunnah is your inability to love each the same level. However everything else you can do pretty well at being equal and fair. Your job once you enter into a polygamist relationship is to be a steward of time-management and resource management. You have to enforce the rules strictly and you have to remember who gave permission to have them bent or broken (although it is best not to break any house rules). If you are not on top of your management of time and resources you will have committed a Zulm (an act of oppression). You don't want to do that.

All of the relationships that I have talked about over these last 10+ years it basically all boils down to these two transgresses, lying and mismanagement of the marriage. That is the Essence of all other complaints that I have ever heard about polygamy. So let me give you some examples from my own life so that you can see. Now I'm going to tell you that most probably the Shaytan is going to sit on your shoulder and criticize the hell out of me, but mark my words if you avoid the simple pitfalls your situation will go a lot better.

In my first marriage I had serious communication issues. I couldn't talk to my wife or I didn't feel that I could talk to my wife. I didn't feel that I could relay to her what my feelings and frustrations were in our marriage and in our lives. Note that this IS the problem. To fix this problem instead of forcing myself to hammer out with my wife what our problems were I sought to escape our problems by marrying another woman. I didn't tell my wife however I did ensure that the sister knew what my expectations were. I later within 48 hours rescinded my proposal and that was the end of that offer. I didn't wine and dine the sister, there was no romance or hot and steamy encounters, we met, we discussed needs and expectations we agreed and we left. Where many brothers fall into pitfalls is that they completely fall in love with someone before they ask them to be their wife, which even if you yourself decide that she is a poison apple you are all the way up in the tree at this point and it makes it very difficult to climb out of that hole when she's saying how much she needs you and she's never had a man as good as you before.

With my second wife we talked about everything when we were courting. Polygamy was one of those things. I told her straight out that I had a weakness for polygamy, and I said that I had already lost one marriage where polygamy was implicated. I told her that this is my weakness and that I would give her the keys to that door in our relationship. She said fine. Now there are couples out there that do talk about polygamy before they get married, however either the male isn't 100% truthful or he believes that he can squelch a desire that has been burning inside him for decades. If you have the weakness of women, if that is your fitnah then you should divulge that. If anything I would lie and say that it is my fitnah to discourage her from doing that rationing out thing that some sisters do which is all entirely stupid. Anyway don't lie tell the truth if you have a high sex drive you will want to let her know in big bold letters that is your weakness. It then becomes her RESPONSIBILITY to protect that weakness in you. I as a man, if I'm sexually satisfied I am a whole lot less likely to stray far from the trough if you know what I mean. Everyman is different however.

Now since I have told my current wife that polygamy or the desire thereof is my weakness and she has the keys to that door it is my responsibility to respect that I gave up the freedom to pursue a polygamist relationship. So what that means is if Halle Berry became Muslim saw me at the mosque and just HAD to have me I would have to tell her to go talk to my wife she has the keys to that department. Why because it is an Amana (trust) between her and I. Any woman coming into the relationship has to come through her and she is comfortable in knowing that. If I were to break that trust and marry some Bahraini girl for instance then I would have lied, and I can't stand to be called a liar. I really hate it. So for me the door is closed. When you and your wife or potential wife discuss polygamy what ever promises you make you need to keep. If you want to break them then you should get permission or not make any promises at all. Women recall facts in vivid detail, men don't so don't even try. If you don't feel that you can do it say that I don't know if I can resist if placed in exceptional circumstances. If that is the truth then you must divulge it. So with my wife and I she holds the keys up to the Nikah, after the Nikah I am entrusted with her feelings and considerations for the family and enforcing the rules that were agreed upon for all parties. Whatever terms that she has laid down prior to the Nikah I am responsible to enforce after the Nikah I have to manage resources.

So let's say you didn't talk about it and now you have been married for sometime now what? Ok just like if you were courting you need to talk about it. You need to go to your wife and have that painful conversation that you want a second wife. I think that it is best to do long before you begin looking for a second wife. It always, ALWAYS crashes and burns after you have someone in your heart. Your wife will tell you where she stands on the issue and if you decide to go ahead then be assured that she will hold you to whatever you promise her. If you can't support both women and have deluded yourself into believing that you can than you are indeed a fool and are doomed to massive failure.

Some may say that me giving my wife the keys to the polygamy door was dumb, or that it is less than manly of me to not be involved in second wife selection or approval, and to that I say that it is an Amana. Polygamy is not fard and there is no use tearing down a palace to build a shanty. What I have with my wife is solid and it has to be protected because it will come under attack. The most important jewel that I have in my marriage is trust and I am not going to surrender it to something that might be valuable.

I hope that this helps anyone sisters and brothers who need to or are discussing polygamy with their spouse/ potential spouse. If I left anything out just comment and I will be sure to respond as quickly as possible.

The Polygamous Bourgeoisie

These guys trump Big Love by heaps and bounds. They aren't afraid they are all P and know how to flaunt it.

Will the Muslims ever catch-up?

This is how I would run my family if I were P. I mean if that door was still open of course. :)

Big Love and More Reflections on Polygamy

I found this article in The Atlantic about polygamy by Jennifer Percy and I thought it would be neat to share. The only thing that I could think about after reading this article was that if Polygamy were legalized then the access to desirable men would skyrocket because they would no longer be "off limits".

This article states: This inequality would create a subclass of poor, unskilled, and uneducated men:

In a polygamous world, boys could no longer grow up taking marriage for granted. Many would instead see marriage as a trophy in a sometimes brutal competition for wives. Losers would understandably burn with resentment, and most young men, even those who eventually won, would fear losing. Although much has been said about polygamy’s inegalitarian implications for women who share a husband, the greater victims of inequality would be men who never become husbands.



I'm thinking Hmm how is this so? How would it create a class of poor, unskilled, and uneducated men? What does any of those things have to do with marriage? What does not having polygamy explain the scores of poor, unskilled and undereducated men that we already have in our society. Let me see if I was a girl and I had a choice of a stable man with two wives or a bum without a wife what would I choose for my family. If it came down to pure economics, emotions aside I would go for the situation with the most hope for my offspring. However this is probably a primarily male point of view. I would think if anything it would force all of the immature childish children out there to get off their asses and make something of themselves so that they would have something to offer. Would you see abuse? I suppose you wouldn't see any more abuse than is present under our current monogamous structure. Even now if you listen to the lyrics of many pop songs it isn't even about longevity it is all about being faithful for the next week or whatever.

Now this doesn't in anyway detract from those who are monogamous by nature, just like it doesn't detract from those who are homosexual by nature, or loners by nature. What polygamy does offer is an avenue for "Less desirable" women, and I will leave that open ended because there are many women who feel that there are different factors that make a women less desirable most of which are Bull, but it does give them an avenue for happiness.

She briefly glanced over the historical articles relating to polygamy and ended with her own conclusion not delving into the deeper justifications/prohibitions of polygamy. Well after all she is an intern and her ink whip isn't that big.

Monday, September 03, 2007

My Body Protested

After being here for a month and a half and eating primarily carbs (oddly though I have only cooked one box of Zatarains from my stash) my body started getting sluggish. I found myself sleeping till late in the day on my off days and really going down hill. Soo... Off to the gym I went. 60 minutes on the elliptical and I feel better. Of course my jacked up sleeping routine isn't helping.

I have watch tomorrow. Yuck Oh well it must be done. So I will be at work all day tomorrow. Eww. I will have to start cooking some food. Greens and such hopefully fresh. I have heartburn probably from eating four pieces of flatbread and cheese.

I am going to answer everyones comments. I know you have commented and I will probably answer them tomorrow Insha Allah or later on today most probably.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Polygamy by country

I thought this was interesting.

I commented on Safa's Let's Talk post

I know that no one ever comments on my page so I left a comment on Safa's page so you all can answer the question. I think I'm going to be kind of active on this one so it should be fun. So feel free to comment here or there I will be monitoring both. Just remember you will have to wait until Safa or I approve the comment so depending on when we are asleep or awake you will see your response.

Ciao!

Polygamy and the Black Panther Party

Well actually I don't know if they are in the Black Panther Party or the new Black Panther Party, but they are definitely pro-African. Now if you have never read a pro-African rhetoric it can kind of take you aback so just brace yourself and get into the meat of what they are saying. Her views on polygamy actually fall in line with my views on polygamy. As a utility it can be an awesome tool. If you have two earners working for what is necessary in Dunya and one at home fortifying the youth to become better Muslims then this is a model that would work.

I have different models that I class polygamy into and I haven't fully formalized all of my definitions yet so bear with me however this one I would call a sister driven model of polygamy. Which honestly is the only one that I truly believe would work. I went over three of them in an earlier post. There are some other things that I want to study. City verses country, one house verses multiple homes. Family oriented verses, male oriented. How it exists in various ethnic groups. Arabs, Africans, Vietnamese. How it exists within various religions. Why some situations work and why some don't. I think that it is a very interesting scholarly unit of study. This would make for a good book.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Responsibility of Deen

In the process of our Deen rising and falling in its natural state of winding its way through our lives there are times when you are at the bottom of a trough on the upswing when you are faced with the knowledge and the responsibility of your current state of Deen. It is a state of clarity where you realize everything that is at stake. You realize everything that you are responsible for and you annotate all of your shortcomings. You know with full knowledge everything that you are doing wrong and what you need to do to improve. You walk and you know for just that little moment it is only you and Allah. Nothing else matters. It is akin to a father and daughter learning to ride a bike for the first time. Daddy is right there with her every step of the way, holding her assuring her and now it is time for him to let go. That is the feeling when you are on the upswing in your Deen. Knowing that you have the assurances of Allah and now it is time for you to walk on your own. Yes you are never alone, but this is the time of the tests.

I hung out with my friend Kanaan all day yesterday. I hope his wife forgives me. May Allah grant him a beautiful marriage and gives him everything he needs in this life. Amen. He is the type of brother that makes you want to be a better Muslim. Masha Allah. So last night we went and saw Yusef Estes and he spoke about his Journey to Islam and it was a beautiful story. It is amazing what purity of faith can bring. One Egyptian man was responsible for bringing the message of Islam to a Priest, His wife, Himself and his father Alhamdulillah. Subhanallah. When you are down on your Deen you don't get rewards like that. Allahu Alim. He is a great speaker may Allah bless him and his family and bring them peace.

When a father is weak in Deen the entire family is affected, and it reminds me of an Ayat in the Quran that asks: 2:266 Would any of you like to have a garden of date-palms and vines, through which running waters flow, and have all manner of fruit therein - and then be overtaken by old age, with only weak children to [look after] him-and then [see] it smitten by a fiery whirlwind and utterly scorched? In this way God makes clear His messages unto you, so that you might take thought. Actually it doesn't matter if it is a father or the mother if this condition exists inevitably you will see all that Allah has bestowed upon you wilt and be destroyed before your eyes. This is why staying on top of your Deen is so important.

Living out here has been a blessing from the start Alhamdulillah. It is helping me focus on those things that are essential in life. When I return home I will embark on an entirely new aspect of life and I am preparing for it. I feel as though I am coming out of the bottom of my trough and now I have a Shaytan next to me telling me that I am going to high and I could get hurt. You have to shave that off of yourself and let yourself fly. Your nafs, Shayateen your family may all be calling you back down, but you have to go with Allah and keep going.

I realized that with a new installment to my home unit and my wife working to pay off all of our bills Insha Allah, pray for us on this one. That Allah will have answered all of my biggest prayers and when that happens I am responsible for the debt that I placed on my neck. You know one of those prayers that you don't want to do. Oh Allah if you make me rich then I will do this? Yeah one of those. He will have answered them all. So I must hold to the truth and implement those things that I said that I would. I am wealthy in that I don't want anything and all of my needs and the needs of my family are met. I have no desire for anything in this world that burns. I love my wife and family so there can be no other thing that I really need in this life. Now all of my responsibilities turn to my Deen as I have no excuses left. That is a state of responsibility that I have ran from in the past. Now there is no more road, it is time to turn around and walk the long way back and accept each test as it is. Pray for me as I begin on this journey, and may Allah increase your faith and help you on your own road.

As Salaamu A'laikum