Sunday, September 02, 2007

I commented on Safa's Let's Talk post

I know that no one ever comments on my page so I left a comment on Safa's page so you all can answer the question. I think I'm going to be kind of active on this one so it should be fun. So feel free to comment here or there I will be monitoring both. Just remember you will have to wait until Safa or I approve the comment so depending on when we are asleep or awake you will see your response.



  1. Well it is not true that no one leaves comments I do have to give my shout-outs to Anonymous and Imani and of course Safa, PM and Rain for commenting on my blog.

  2. as salaam alaikum brother muhammad:

    i was getting ready to SAY: "Hey, I comment on your blog!!!" ;-) but that's ok, being the mother of only boys, I know about that XY memory thing. tis cool. ;-)

    I really have no comments overall. I rarely comment on Safa's blog because she is going through so much pain and her last post was a valid expression of what she feels men should think about before they consider marrying another woman (btw, i hate that phrase "take another wife." the implications are horrendous.) It would be the same if she had a lying, non-fulfilling his duties husband monogamously. She said that IF he 'did it correctly, up front, fairly, she probably would've adapted and been ok with it. which proves again, what I say, again and again: women are capable of sharing our men...

    Polygyny isn't really the issue. It's how we handle MARRIAGE, of any type. The same issues she's having vis a vis her trust in her husband, and how he has treated her and their children is universal to women who share their husbands, or not. I guess what i'm saying is that a man in this case, and women in others, can mess up any type of marriage. it is sad and frustrating and just awful to hear.

    Although i'm VERY pro polygyny (i have a fantasy that ALL muslim men marry more than one wife and that all the wives love each other and their husbands and live happily ever after...), and am in a successful polygynous marriage myself, i am very aware of the abuse that takes place in this form of matrimony. I also have found, and this is a gross generalization, that brothers in the ME seem to do a worse job of it than western men. Western men aren't so threatened by the somewhat independent wife whose life does not revolve around him. And frankly, that is the type of woman who does best in polygyny once you get past the cultural conditioning of equating polygyny with 'tippin out' or something inherently sinful. Polygyny is very 21st century...

    Masalaam, Imani

  3. My opinion is that polygny is not for everyone. If it is fair and everyone gets what they need, then yes, go for it.

    As a new 2nd wife I knew when I went into this what to expect for the most part, but you know there are always some surprises in For me, I have taken nothing.....NOTHING from the 1st wife. I don't get anything she wants or needs. I insist on the children being first and will put myself way down.....last, even....on the list for the good of those children. Although I would love to be a friend, a sister to the 1st wife, I don't think she is open to that at this time. She wants only one of two things from him.....preferably money and if not money, then blood. Bad, huh? We don't talk about it much. I've discussed it with my wali/sheikh and he advised me to just be the best I can be for him when I have him with me. He is a man. He will have to deal with "the other side". I can't and if I let it/her come into my home in any way....conversations, etc., then it is hurting him and our marriage. I can't fix that other side. I can only make my side good for him and pray for her that her eyes will be opened. Insha Allah some day she will give him a happy home to come to when he is there. In the meantime, I am content. Allah has given me way more than I ever expected or deserved.

    You mentioned something about you can't get to the meat of the matter and little tidbits....maybe you'll become a counselor. What meat/tidbits are you talking about?


  4. Imani thank you for your comments. I agree that it is how marriage is managed. A well managed marriage is like a well managed anything else. The proof is in the fruits. If you are an attentive and caring husband then chances are your wife is going to be happy. If not then chances are there will be holes in that relationship. The treatment of women is very important it makes all the difference in the world.

    Imani I am glad to see that you are in a successful polygynous marriage. I have been on the net a long time and I was beginning to think that they didn't exist in Muslim circles. Thank you very much for frequenting my blog.

    Maggie I really appreciate you commenting on my blog. I hope the best for you in your situation and Insha Allah the best of your situation comes forth and hopefully you will both be friends.

    Ah the unmentionables are the meat and tidbits I'm talking about. Like you all will only divulge so much here on the web, even in an anonymous status however there's a whole other dimension to the situation that is left out. Stuff that is only told to trusted sources. That's the information that I'm trying to get to because that is the information that holds the truth and with the truth I can get a clearer understanding on what is going on and what direction should be taken. Also on my blog and online you only get one side of the story for the most part. As a counselor I would get both sides so whatever recommendation I would make would be balanced.

  5. I want to post all of the time, but at the same time I feel that I do not have the right to really comment because I am not muslim and most of your posts are about being a muslim, so I think they would no better and i just leave my lil 2 cents out.. lol but I love your blogs and I read them all the time, wanting to know which ones that I can post on..
    Until the next post..


  6. Release you always have the right to comment on my blogs. By all means don't hold back that is why I have a comment section. It doesn't say Muslims only does it? No, so comment as much as you wish. Any post anytime.

  7. Thank You so much... I will do