Tuesday, November 22, 2011

How irritating is television?

I'm sitting is the Dr.'s office for a physical and the television is just blaring. I can't think really with the constant blah, blah, blah good grief. It is the news but it is ridiculous. I actually was trying to read, but that didn't work. I can't operate with thAt thing on. I'm so happy I don't have one.

So I'm here in the bay and life is really coming at me full speed. I'm finding more opportunities to serve. At the same time I am becoming overwhelmed with prioritization and organization. 24 hours in a day is really not enough time in a day to all that i have to get done.

Between work and all of the things that I have to do and with organizing photoshoots and photo projects. Since I've started now the ideas have started coming to me. Flowing and overflowing like crazy. It would seem that I can't do them all, so I pray that the ones that I can do I can do well. It has come that I don't plan my day, I plan my hour and try to pack as much into that moment as possible. Hopefully I can overcome my ADD. Last night I got a little scatterbrained so I just went to bed. Today I have a portrait shoot. I have another client that I am supposed to be shooting. I have a set to build and I have to talk to people about the Dawah Eid for 2012.

The Dawah Eid every year we as Muslims go about our business doing what we do without inviting anyone to the Deen I feel that the time has come for that to change. As Muslims we have two festivals. Eid al Fitr and Eid al Adha. Eid al Adha the larger Eid I believe is strategically more significant. The Hajj is the largest gathering of human beings on the planet yet most people don't know what it is all about or even seen it. So now I want to bring that experience to the people. Now people have been coming into Islam without being asked by the Muslims, the time has now come to ask and invite.

When you look around you can really see how much work needs to be done, and that can be daunting. You can't save every baby lemming but you can save one and that one may make the difference. I think that people really get caught up (i do) on fixing the whole problem, but the whole problem is not the flock, the flock is made up of individual birds. If a cat runs into the mass of birds they will all fly away and the cat becomes overwhelmed but if he focuses on one then he may be successful. This is my lesson to myself and my ideas. Insha Allah I will be able to succeed.

My first photo project is Inspired by Dark Girls a photo expose about being of darker skin in this society and how you are made to feel. I pray that I can do a good job and get it all done before the next showing at F3.

I have so many projects in my head, The homeless, Dark Girls, The Rope project, The Pharoah Conundrum. I believe that it will prove to be a very busy 4 years. I'm looking forward to it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Finding My Voice

I'm evolving and turning, growing and coming to the fore. Realizing that life is about giving more than receiving. That I own nothing and owe everything. At this point I am working hard to stay present. I find it strange that it is a conscience effort to remain engaged in small things such as conversations, tasks and other events. To remain involved in the moment that is happening now and not think about the outcome later. I know many people plan for the outcomes in their lives and work hard at it, however I realize that if that were something I would do it would mean that I would live a lifetime in a planned tomorrow and not accomplish anything today.

My photography I want to say something. I want it to change the way the world looks at things. I was talking to a homeless person last night. Katie, her story was that she had abusive parents both mother and father and she was stifled in growth. She felt oppressed so she left and ran away. She hooked up with someone else who wasn't going anywhere and now she's pregnant. In two months she will have the baby. Katie is 19 years old. Her story has inspired me to make a photobook "Are you really homeless" that will explore the stories of several homeless persons in and around my circle of influence and then try to get it published. Of course I can publish it myself but I would like to get it out there. Actually I may have to publish it myself, but I feel I need to do it in order to get in touch with myself and become more human. We have a tendency to be antiseptic when it comes to people. Strangers, when we observe them as a group everyone seems so fearfully disconnected, we don't want to be bothered or played. I find it very curious, perhaps I will make more of an effort to connect with the Strangers that I meet, after all Islam was the stranger and it proved to be a blessing to the world.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:St Andrews Dr,Brentwood,United States

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

One step forward 2 steps back

So there I sat in the Goodyear place trying to get an alignment and my tires replaced. This should have been an easy breezy thing. The tires were paid for, but it cost another $100 to put them on? Then I needed an alignment another $100, then they told me i need rear shims for the back to be aligned another $225. What It is like $1000 bucks to change the tires on my freaking vehicle? What? Give me a break. I need to pay for business insurance at $235 at the end of the month and renew my vehicle insurance at $443 at the end of the month. I was going to do it this month but this is ridiculous.

Anyways I've been in deep contemplative mode. Trying to go vegan and I had a slight relapse over Eid. I haven't eaten a whole lot of meat. Maybe a couple of slices of chicken and then a little beef for someone's going away party maybe a fistful altogether so I don't think I'm doing that bad. I have to start making meals though. I went to a nutritionist and she showed me several meals, But I don't eat. My biggest meal of the day is breakfast. I don't do lunch, but I have to stay away from the junk food. I can do it, but I'm a snacker. I will eat cheese though, but mostly almond milk. I bought a vitamix so I think I'm going to buy a nut bag and start making my own.

I'm wondering how I'm going to get my business off the ground out here. I know for sure I'm not charging any Mickey Mouse prices for my photography anymore. My prices will start out at $125 for a 8 x 10 and go up from there.

Eid went well. I'll post some Eid Pictures later and Eid Mubarak everyone.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Nimitz Fwy,Oakland,United States

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Ho No More!!

When I came out here I was depressed, confused and hurt. My ex had promised me my children and then recanted her position. Using them as a tool it would seem, but honestly she is just paranoid and that can be frustrating. To deal with someone who thinks that the world is out to screw them over. It is a terrible existence and I pray that Allah sends on her some peace and happiness. So horrible that I can see now standing on the outside the circle she goes through. No desire to be alone, but can't trust anyone that she's with, doomed to start and break relationships until she can get to a place of peace. May Allah strengthen her and bring her Sakina.

About myself I realize that I cannot allow myself to get into relationships, because I care too much and I can't throw people away. I don't understand how people can do that. It grates against my heart too much because I wish so much for people. I wish to see them accomplish their goals and I wish that they rise. So readers I haven't been all over the Bay area screwing the brains out of unsuspecting women with tales of promise and security. I've had one relationship. I could have had more but I turned them down. Now the sister that I am involved with is wanting to become Muslim.

I was going to break it off, but a couple of things made me stay. The verse that states 4:19 "... If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good." It was solely because of this piece of verse that I did not end the relationship. I was still and saw the value in the person she was. The more I stayed the more value I saw and I treated her with kindness. I made sure to inform her that I am indeed a polygamist and she stayed so I was like cool. Then I learned the meaning of another verse. 4:129 "You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire...". I met a sister before I left and she makes my heart swim. I love to hear her voice. Interact with her as she goes through her day and send her gifts and I love them both very differently. The latter of course does not want anything to do with polygamy and so for a while I was considering breaking it off with the other one, but I know me and I know I will want polygamy again. I know that I can do it. I just have to live my life in a way that does not contradict my faith in anyway. Having two women is great because you can find balance. What helps me in one relationship helps me in another and vice versa. I find that overall I am more balanced and at peace. However I know that I must come to the table with the latter about my plans and intentions because that is the fairest thing to do. However I don't want to lose her and that is completely selfish. So I struggle with that everyday.

I'm going through a lot right now and I will try to post more, but my time is limited.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Nimitz Fwy,Oakland,United States