Thursday, October 23, 2008

Ho Hum Moving on...

Fighting depression is a tricky thing. For the last two weeks I was really down. I was really in bad shape. I have to get out of this room. It would be so different if I could leave this stupid room. I have kept myself busy reading and studying what I can, but it is nothing like fresh air. I could only imagine if I actually spent all of this time in jail. And that could still happen I'm not in the clear yet. One minor mishap could land me in the slammer. I always do fine when I know nothing about her, but reflecting on what we had always brings tears. I suppose it is a self induced roller coaster of pain. I suppose people who just burn everything and move on are in much better shape. I had thought I was at that point many times. I suppose my talking about it just exacerbated the pain. Well it took a while but I got the picture. The days will turn to years and years will dull the pain, but those thorns will blow through every once in a while when looking into my childs eyes.

I have no hard feelings. She had to do what she had to do I suppose. But alas I have to pick myself up out of yet another funk and move the hell on. Stop dwelling on the past and get on with my life cause this shiznits has got to stop. So on to activism and Real Estate and getting my stuff onto one plate. The last we spoke I found that she was willing to do an even split and the only thing that we ever were in disagreement with was the visitation/ custody issue. Now I don't care so we can move on. I'm sorry if my depression caused a little blip on the radar. Life goes on and we will be ok. I fear for my little ones, but that is only natural. I got to keep on keeping on. So enough of my sob stories now on to the things that I really think about, or should think about.

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