Sometimes you just hurt

When all is still and nothing is moving and you sit and reflect. It all rolls back in. All of the pain right where you left it. It hurts just as the first time. An effect that carries on over and over again hurting just as it did before. I realize this is going to take a little longer than just shrugging my shoulders and calling it all good. It will take a little longer than getting distracted in a new relationship. It will take a little longer than I expected. The pain is as fresh as it was the first time. I'm not crying that uncontrollable pain, but I am very hurt and deeply saddened. I feel sorry for my children the most I am not in any position to ask for anything else. So I stand in wait for the last chapter of this thing to be through. I had wished and still do so bad that it was not all true, but it is and I could just die. I could die over and over again, but I cannot despair because surely my Lord has something better than this. I just have to be patient and firm and keep my promise to Him and go through this. Then maybe one day I will be rewarded. Insha Allah and hopefully our children will make it through this trial. I only wish that I had done some things differently, but surely it all happens for a purpose. I just wish I didn't have to lose my children in the process.

Ya Allah Help us, Please help us.