Thursday, December 21, 2006

She's not that type?

Recently in one of my compassionate apologizing moments someone made the comment that my wife didn't look like she made a good candidate for polygamy. The comment was made by someone I perceive to be in a lot of pain right now so I make dua for her, but I got to thinking I know of no one on the Muslim polygamy circuit to be a prime candidate for polygamy. As far as I know all of the situations report that it was sprung on them in standard ambush fashion and the women just chose to keep their marriage. Of the two situations that I know where the husband sought counsel with the wife beforehand both husbands retracted their quest out of love of their wives. So tell me who is the polygamy type? Do you know? Is there one? As for my wife she is a woman that knows her bounds and her husband is a man that respects them. Why because her heart is in mine and mine in hers and never shall the two part Insha Allah. P is wanted but a peaceful life with my wife is wanted more than that.

Blogging with my Treo... Man I love this thing.

10 comments:

  1. It was probably me that made that comment and I base it on what I perceive as her need to feel she is more attractive, sexier, smarter and more successful career-wise, than another wife. I don't blame her as I think most women feel that way. I do remember also that you two were toying at one point with threesome fantasies and with that out of the picture, the relationship between wives could take on a whole different flavor.

    Also, please note that all of this is based on everything you both have written -- since I have no other source.

    Salaam Alaikum,
    PM

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  2. threesomes! astaghfirullah!

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  3. I know it was you who made that comment PM I just didn't want to put you out there like that.

    I'm glad that you stated the obvious about most womens feelings. Like I said at least my wife knows her boundaries, she cannot be faulted for that.

    As for the threesome fantasies, well as we know the P door is shut. So now my fantasies can extend well past 3 ;). LOL. As we know fantasies are free and you can have all the fantasies you want as long as you take them out on your spouse. With fantasies there are no extraneous feelings to resolve. No crazy leaps of passion caused by jealous fits of rage or whatever. Fantasies are just that make-believe. Do you chastise my imagination or the fact that I let you in on it. Either way I really can care less except for the occasional intellectual argument. (I think I've been saying that I can care less a little too much lately, but I'm not at the point of reform now. Sometimes I think peeps need to be left alone. Maybe I'm stressed out? I know I feel that way tonight.)

    Astaghfirullah! Yes and well noted. This blog is set up for my inward feelings and emotions and previously fantasies. For my own therapy. The fact is you have fantasies, I have fantasies and the next fifty people that view this comment will have fantasies as well. Even if they are someone else's. Fantasies aren't haram they are just ideas, a part of the creative human process. Lose them and lose your creativity.

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  4. you know.....everyone is entitled to their own opinions......and we just have to take it lightly when ppl say things that we don't necessarily agree with. But you know what gets me? Cross blogging. If someone wants to say something to me.....and be REALLY obvious about it....I'd prefer they come to my blog and say it. I won't tolerate cross blogging. I've already deleted a link from my blog because of it. No matter how I feel about the person.

    And I have to agree with PM.....it really seemed from the tone of your blog, that your wife was having some huge issues with P. I also know, from chatting with her once....that they were really minor things....and that she was all gung ho. So it's not always as it seems......we blog one sided.......

    You are going to be missed from the world of blogging when you head off to Bahrain!

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  5. as salaamu alaikum,
    actually I would like to say that after speaking to this brothers 1st and the second wife... I felt based on the situation that this was something that could really work. It was benefitting everyone in the equation in a good way, and all involved discussed the whole marriage in a mature and down to earth manner, and for that mashaAllah. I was telling polygamy lover my previous expereinces and her dh is right, rarely is the wife involved, most of the time it is sprung on the sister because usually he doesnt want to hurt her feelings. With my case, it wasnt sprung on me and I also cooperated and supported my dh in his decision, bc at that time he had everyone to consider, me , him, our children, and the new wife.We were close, we are best friends. The new wife also was very respectable about our marriage and never pried. We gave each other a healthy distance in order to not arouse jealous actions, etc, Unfortunately it didnt last beyond a yr, and this time, things are difft. Like the brother stated that things will never be the same- it wont,(on her side or his) at least if the woman chooses to not work and try to make it good for herself. Another emotional relationship in the pic just doesnt make many women too excited to allow most forms of intimacy (bonding, opening up, communication, honesty), it is all kinda skewed at least in the beginning, when the hurt is so real and fresh. Sorry to be so longwinded but the main point is that I am sad that this didnt work out, and inshaAllah May Allah give each of you better in your own relationships, ameen.

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  6. If we are going to be honest here, Muhammad, let's be COMPLETELY honest. Threesomes were not just a fantasy left in the head for you and your wife. In fact, there was discussion on both your blogs (although it has been deleted on PL's blog) to the degree that you both seemed surprised when I stated that this was haraam and you went to Sunni Path to check it out. There was even some discussion about whether you could do it as long as everyone couldn't see each other's nudity. That's you business but please tell the whole story when you start the prologue -- it was not clear to the reader that this was just something in your heads.

    And I would still say that faced with the prospect of being in bed with her husband and another woman, or being shut out of the experience -- well, these are two different scenarios and would likely lead to different responses on the part of the "excluded" (for lack of a better word) wife.

    Furthermore, I agree with Safa's comment about cross-blogging. Please always feel free to address a question or remark directly to me.

    Salaam Alaikum,
    PM

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  7. Noted in the future I will do so. Cross blogging... it's my frigging blog if I choose to start a new thread I will as I blog a lot on my Treo and it is easier to tap out an email than to risk losing reception. like I'm about to right now.

    Threesomes...AND!!!

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  8. I had more to say but I lost reception. I'm at work now and I will still start a new thread related to this topic, because I can.

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  9. Anonymous said...
    "If we are going to be honest here, Muhammad, let's be COMPLETELY honest. Threesomes were not just a fantasy left in the head for you and your wife. In fact, there was discussion on both your blogs (although it has been deleted on PL's blog) to the degree that you both seemed surprised when I stated that this was haraam and you went to Sunni Path to check it out. There was even some discussion about whether you could do it as long as everyone couldn't see each other's nudity. That's you business but please tell the whole story when you start the prologue -- it was not clear to the reader that this was just something in your heads." commented by PM and thank you PM, well said.

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    Salams,

    This obviously was not just a thought in their minds, it seems more like an action they plan on engaging in. They seemed to want to justify their actions by getting a co-wife rather than inviting anyone to their bed. Then, sound proof was giving to them as to why their planned actions would be haram, so now, Muhammad wants to take back -what he and PL want to be true -to -this was only thoughts of the mind. Keep it real Muhammad and PL. This is why PL truely erased some of her blogs - - did'nt think there would be so many opposed to the ideal.

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  10. To be honest Mrs/Ms/Mr Anonymous all I have to say is AND! My response to this whole thing was posted on the Menage a Trois post. So if you really want to know how I felt read it.

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