Sunday, December 24, 2006

Stealing

9:111 Lo! Allah hath bought from the believers their lives and their wealth because the Garden will be theirs: they shall fight in the way of Allah and shall slay and be slain. It is a promise which is binding on Him in the Torah and the Gospel and the Quran. Who fulfilleth His covenant better than Allah? Rejoice then in your bargain that ye have made, for that is the supreme triumph.

When you become Muslim you submit totally and completely to Allah (SWT) then you have to find the balance between complete slacker and total fanatic. However one thing remains, Allah removes from you all excuses. You have no recourse to justify any action that isn’t in striving towards perfection. There are allowances for mediocrity, but they aren’t permanent. In the hadith where the man comes to the prophet and asks him what is the bare minimum and then says that he can’t do it so then the Prophet tells him fine then just don’t lie, this is in fact a trick answer that fully obligates one to the Deen, for if you don’t lie in word and action then in fact you will adhere to all of the tenets of Islam.

My last tirade generated one comment. It wasn’t condescending or pompous it was simply one quote from a Hadith with a note attached. To be honest it could have only been the Hadith and still generated the same effect. I have been looking in the mirror now for quite sometime and have been unhappy with my Deen. However this unhappiness has been entirely my fault. Attributed to laziness or whatever the downward spiraling of my Deen has been consistent. Now let me explain that once you know you cannot return to not knowing. If you used to pray all nawafil and read a Juz a day you cannot recede to occasionally attending the Masjid for salat. So the fact is once you reach a peak you need to continue to slowly hone your Deen. If you fail and stop then your soul starts hurting and then you have to come to a point where you consciously fight against it so that you can slack, but you are never settled. The fact that you know brings you to a state of I hear, but I just can’t deal with that right now.

I think this condition is one that inevitable of the Salat Police. Eventually they will come to a realization that they are the biggest hypocrite that has walked the planet and then they begin to back off. It happens eventually to anyone who is self-puffed up with their Deen to the point that they actually think that they are something. It is from that realization and retreating to revival and return to sound faith that can build a stronger faith. This is where I am. I used to feel sound and prideful of where I was in the Deen and then I realized that in reality I didn’t know anything and so I stopped. I stopped debating and giving Dawah, I stopped reading and writing about the Deen, I stopped praying nawafil, I stopped learning Arabic I just stopped and chose a steady state. Just pray your prayers until you find your way again. Now the problem is that I can’t feign ignorance when I do something. When I do something I know that I’m doing it. I know that I’m being a fasiq and doing wrong, but I don’t really do anything about it either out of laziness or just complete morbitude of faith.

The half-faith, the languishing state between full knowledge and lack of faith; in reality there can be no lack of faith because I have not entered the state of denying any of the Faraid. I cannot deny when someone reproaches me on the Deen. I cannot say that this is not what it is and then not expose the dangers of certain actions. I can’t because I have sound knowledge to the contrary. So in essence I am in obstinate rebellion. AstagfirAllah! A state that you don’t want to find yourself in. However once you have knowledge you find yourself in that state all the time. You can’t have Riba, but you constantly find yourself in new Riba accepting situations. It isn’t lack of faith that is the problem because once you have faith you don’t lose it you just choose to either act on it or not act on it. It is inaction that causes lack of faith and problems in your Deen.

I have looked at the man in the mirror for a while now and I haven’t liked what I’ve seen. In truth I can’t make a second blog for the purpose of writing down my most wildest fantasies and thoughts that aren’t necessarily in accordance with Quran and Sunnah. I can but I know that I would be wrong. Islam is about reaching the highest plane. If you choose to take a break and procrastinate on life all of the post prior to this one is where you will be within your own reality of course.

So I must concede my inaction and return to that which I know is right. This is the hardest part because when you decide to change that is when all the world is alerted and staying the same becomes seemingly the most easiest thing to do. You have to change and pray for company that will make easier.

You can’t stop, I can’t stop just as the world keeps turning, but in reality I am in that Deen limbo. In effect I want my Deen to reflect where I truly want to be, real. In other words I know what’s right and what I should do a lot of times, but I just don’t care a lot of times or it doesn’t come naturally. Like I don’t interact with people mostly so things like generating genuine feelings is oh so difficult sometimes. It is complicated and I will have to revisit this later. All the kids are up and the window of serious thinking is quickly closing. So I’ll have to come back to this and think about this some more.

4 comments:

  1. Wow! Such a powerful post! This one really speaks to me, as I have a habit of working hard, then coasting along, then picking it up again...

    And sometimes it is so hard to do what we know we ought to... Seems like its a lifelong quest.

    Thanks for the reminder and words of strength. I needed it!

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  2. It takes a real man to admit he is wrong. I pray that Allah leads you to a "straighter" path and helps to strengthen you in your deen InshAllah.

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  3. salam akhi, this happens to all your Iman goes up and down and sometimes you aren't happy with what you see in yourself.But I think its a good thing if you can even recognise that and accept that you need to do something more about yourself. So please take heart in that and push yourself to make changes to the point where you will be happy with what you see in the mirror. Do things that will make you happy in matters of your deen.

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  4. Jazakallah Khair for your comments and encouragement.

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