Sunday, August 12, 2007

Safa's Q & A's

I stopped by Safa's and found a list of Q & A's that people had left her that she answered and although I'm not in the same situation I decided to answer them. Lately the issue of P has been batted back and forth and I had a position, but last night I got horny again not a real bad case just a small one, and so I started to second guess myself. You know how Shaytan does. So I said let me answer some of these questions like a Tag and see what I come up with.

Q's and A's....

How do I feel?
Perfectly satisfied.
Completely head over heels in love with my wife.

How can I learn to accept the feelings associated with Polygyny?
It's roots are in fantasy, however the utility of it all could be a benefit, but so could hired help. Sensually the idea of it is very arousing, erotic and stimulating. Realistically the feelings are superficial and will fade away immediately after the business of life begins to become a reality.

Can you accept that your husband has another wife and just live your life?
I don't believe that my wife could accept it in reality, for if she could then she would give me the keys to that door. From the beginning of our marriage she has been in charge of the door and that has worked best for us. At the present time our relationship is like a super train moving at great speed. It is not the case where someone else could just jump on and become involved with us without putting forth tremendous effort.

Was your husband good to you before Polygyny entered your life?
She tells me I'm the best. So I have to believe her.

What if your husband moved you both to one country and was able to be fair?
Our requirements state that the wives would have to live in the same home. I really don't see it working otherwise regardless who was chosen. It would be too difficult to divide time with two homes, and it would open the door to too many different kinds of feelings. I like to address things as they come out immediately.

What is the most difficult thing that you have a hard time dealing with concerning your marriage?
In the beginning it was opening the lines of communication so that we could talk about the really hard things. Now however that is not a problem. I can tell her that I found X attractive and she can tell me that Y tried to flirt with her and if there is any temptation in that we rely on the Hadith of the Prophet (SAAW) and... well do what he said to do. It is a little more difficult with me over here, but the same rules still apply, we talk about everything.

Can your husband do anything to save the marriage?
I feel that as long as I respect my wife and respect our outlines concerning the issue then P is not an area where our marriage would be jeopardized.

Is it fair what you are asking?

Do you think your husband still loves you?
I love my wife terribly so much so that I know that I couldn't love another this deeply. If I could it would be a complete Rahma from Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta'ala.

Do you still love him?
She tells me that she loves me all the time.

What about the children?
My father always says that children are resilient and that they will be ok. I don't know I am not in that situation. If I where then the children would take the center stage and every effort would be made by all parties to make them feel at home, loved and safe.

Where are you right now?
Right now I'm mildly horny which is probably the only reason P is crossing my mind in a distant quasi serious kind of tone. I had made the decision to close the door on P and I was fine with that, but Wifee and I were doing some what-ifs and then the wheels started turning. If I were home I'm sure this would be a complete non-issue because I know I wouldn't be horny at all, but out here if you let that demon out then it starts to speculate and bring in all kinds of scenarios and suggestions that I would say yes to. I however plan on sticking to my guns and waiting for this storm to pass. It comes in waves you know.

I know what some of you are thinking. If you love your wife so much then how could you even entertain being with someone else? Well for one men don't think like women. Well men who have a high sex drive at least. The sexual act is on one level of masculine existence and if I were to be with someone else it would be akin to playing basketball just a rigorous physical activity. Where as when I make love to my wife it is a completion of emotions, and trust and love and deep emotional commitment. It is on a whole different level. I don't feel that I could connect with someone else like I connect with my wife. However that being said I am not one to do any down low type things. It gets hairy having desires and trying to reassure that there is nothing else to them. When I'm home it isn't a problem however out here Shaytan uses it to drop seeds of doubt. Do you understand what I'm saying?

What are your coping mechanisms?
Stay out of the house away from the computer. Pray at the Masjid. Talk to my wife on the phone. Reflect on how much I love her and miss her.

Where do you think your life is headed......??
Deeper love and commitment in our marriage.

Are you ready for that?

What about "melting"? Is it possible that your husband could do something to melt you and make you forget this?
I hope that I say things that put my wife at ease. It is hard though because when I'm not horny it is very easy to communicate that I want a monogamous life forever and ever, but when I am horny it is like of course I want a monogamous life, but if by a slim chance it came along well... then... ahhhh... maybe? However that is when I'm horny and it is like a wind that blows in and then out. Usually rather quickly when you start talking about things like bills LOL.

What does that mean? Soup and steam?
Well I suppose we are soup because we are always changing our recipe to keep it hot and tasty. And with that hot and tasty mix we make our own STEAM! LOL!!!

Love the soup, even the crackers are saucy.


  1. Asalamalaykom,

    I really enjoyed the maleness of your answers. I love men. Miss men in my life as friends. So, to be able to read you, brother, is a breath of fresh air...or maybe...steamy air.

    May you, your wife and your children make good preparations towards Ramadan.

  2. Hello HA I am glad that I could offer you a new perspective. That is what I hoped to do with my blog all along. Insha Allah I will be able to talk about different areas of stuff.

    When I first saw your drawing of yourself I presume I thought that was a straw-grass hanging out of your mouth.

    If there are any other aspects of life you would like me to speak on I will.