Saturday, August 25, 2007

I think I love my Wife

Ok so I saw this movie with Chris Rock right and in the beginning He and his wife are in a counselors office and they are arguing about not having sex. I am completely floored. I'm always floored when I'm told that couples aren't having sex. That's like a neon sign above the house saying "Hey Shayateen right this way." Before I got married to my oh so beautiful and gorgeous wifee, we talked. About everything, polygamy, sex, children, frequency of sex, exes, weaknesses, strength, Deen I mean everything. I was up front that I was only 2.5 inches long and I hope that wasn't a problem. She assured me as long as I had skills elsewhere she could work with me LOL. I do I mean I can watch the kids, LOL. LOLOLOL!!!

Anyway So I'm watching this flick and the only thing that I could think about were holes. They had so many holes in their relationship. Their communication was shot, They couldn't relate to each other, they had lost the ability to think outside of the box. They didn't have any fun together and to top it all off they didn't have sex. They had no compassion for each others issues but they loved each other and that is all they had. Effectively they were functionally coexisting.

So who walks in? Shaytan himself in the form of an flame of an old friend and the fireworks started happening. I mean she pulls no punches she is like right out of the box the vixen from hell. You would have to be blind and in a coma to not get a woody from this girl. Look up the movie on IMDB and you will see who I'm talking about Kerry Washington is her name. Now most of the time when we guys get duped into extramarital relationships it isn't so blatant it is usually on a more casual level. I'm not talking about those of you who are just married to dogs there's no helping those guys. However those of you who are married to just regular guys this is the kind of stuff that sneaks in.

Now if you have holes in your relationship then that extra woman just comes in and fits like a glove and bam things start getting really complicated from that point. So then I started thinking about Safa. I don't know if I'm speaking out of place, my last update was that she won her husband back. Yay...Insha Allah. Stay tuned. So I was thinking about Safa and all she ever asked for was to be treated fairly, and receive back the love that she gave. She loved her husband and all she wanted was to be loved in return. I wonder if she would have complained so much if he truly tried to do everything to do right by her would she have felt so much pain? I pray if the day ever comes that I am tested with two wives I will be as fair as I am able. I would have to have a nightly ritual where I asked my wives if they were happy with me and if there was anything that I could do to make them feel better.

I truly believe that for polygamy to work the man has to have absolutely nothing to do with it. The prophet didn't have anything to do with taking his wives for the most part. I believe that it was out of Prophetic duty or a straightforward direction of Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta'ala. In modern times I don't think that the man should have anything to do with it either. I think it works better when women get together and decide who is going to be their co-wife. Women know their dynamics and what will work and what won't so they would be better suited to know what is best for the family and what just won't work. Men on the other hand usually look at the shiny new car, forgetting about the expensive insurance and upkeep bills only later to realize that he should have listened to his wife and got the Pickup truck.

I know that there are men out there that are panty sniffers and are going to do whatever they are going to do and their women will just have to go along. There are guys out there that are just trying to get all of the sex that they can get, and then there are those middle guys that are the family guy who love their wife, but get bitten by the polygamy bug. It is an intoxicating drink let me tell you. I don't think that there is quite a level of euphoria equal to some woman (other than your wife) saying how much she needs you. It is an incredible high let me tell you (if women are his weakness). So girls let me tell you whatever his weakness is you want to keep open your lines of communication and do not let any holes form in your relationship. It is something that is very hard to do for some especially men who haven't learned to "communicate" yet. It isn't easy let me tell you that is one of the reasons I love my wife so much because she saw that barrier in me and broke it down. Now all of our holes are filled.

I had a saddening run in with some of my coworkers. One of them had a similar name of a famous porn producer. These are young chaps so they were telling about the lies that they had to tell to get into girls panties, which could be expected at their age. That was not the problem as I saw it, because frankly there are enough girls their age trying to do the same thing. What I found disturbing was the complete disregard and disconnection of feeling and emotion. The utter downplay of these women of even being human that was so disturbing to me. They called them stupid and mindless and a sortie of other names I'm not going to repeat here. I have to admit at first there was the BI cheer-on but as they kept talking I just wanted to vomit. I was so saddened after listening to them I just had to say Astaghfirallah what is the world coming to.

Then I reflected on the whole swingers bit. I couldn't be a swinger. Yes I enjoy sex and all, and I could probably hold my own with multiple partners, but I couldn't be involved in a loveless exchange. In the BI (Before Islam) I had a couple one nighters and frankly it sucked. It was just so empty I couldn't possibly get any pleasure out of that lifestyle. I need connection something of deep emotional value for it to be worth it. Without that there is nothing but shame and disappointment. Sadly not a lot of people learn that until later on in life and by then they are too jaded to care. Whenever you are involved with someone they take a piece of you. You can't get that piece back it is theirs forever and ever. For so many women by the time they meet Mr. Right they only have a shred of heart left if they are lucky.

Men truly are the protectors and maintainers of women. My wife told me once a long time ago before the P door was closed that if we were wealthy I probably would have my quota of four because she has so many friends in bad situations that she would do that just so that they wouldn't feel that pain. She is such a sweet lady. She has a friend who was swindled out of $5K and had her heart broken. She cried to her wolf and now he's back asking for more cash and I'll bet he's calling her as stupid B while he laughs into the phone. THAT type of man makes me want to go and get a bat and meet him coming out of the club. That friend of hers has had it hard, all she needs is for someone to love her and just truly love her. Poor thing. Her situation pisses me off though.

I have more pics. I got a new camera and I have been snapping away. I got the Nikon D40. I haven't posted any of them because unlike my first little camera insted of 50 pics or so in a day I'm snapping away like 450 so It would take a while to go through and pic the best ones to post to my Picasa web album account. It only gives you a Gig which is about 600 pics. So I would be full of my quota in about a day or so. So I now have to be really picky about what I put on there or upgrade my account which I'm not ready to do.


  1. A man who has true faith in Allah, confidence in himself and his behaviour could easily look into his wife's eyes and ask her..."Am I making you happy?" Never mind polygyny......can most men do that with their wives?

    I think it's an excellent thing to ask her!!

    Have I won him back? Sigh. Perhaps. For now. This woman has wrapped SNAKES around him......I really don't see him getting away. Just this morning I found out that the horrible court case that never seems to finish...well.....that MM's best friends husband is helping him. Wouldn't do to piss off the best friend now would it? Bigger SIGH!

    What sort of decision do you have to come to, that lets you walk away? How can he untangle now? Ever?

    How much you wanna bet that should he ever divorce her....I give her 6 mos to give up her hijab too......

    And so I mutter on and on and on.....

  2. salaams brother:

    i've been roaming all the various polygyny sites and blogs and found yours today...i've been reading safa's and others' p- blogs too. i feel for everyone--all the inherent drama that goes with men and women coupling (and tripling) in this 21st century.

    i believe marriage is half the deyn because it such a test...and bliss...all tied together in various forms. monogamy, polygyny---equally valid marriages with very real issues in all the ways humans can twist it. And then there's Allah, Muhammad and those who demonstrated a way to marry monogamously and polygynously in peace. There's patience and change, and ease after difficulty. There's the knowledge that this world is not the end--or even real for that matter-- and that it could ALWAYS be worse...

    Allah DID not say polygyny virtually could not be done, but that the man had to be just---spending equal time, making the best effort. read 4:129 with the ayah preceding and proceeding as they were revealed togther in response to a sister whose husband was going to toss her to the side for another, even after she offered to give up her time with him...

    a JUST man is pivotal. i know women who loved the sisterhood of their polygynous marriages, but had to divorce the so called man who mismanaged it. women are made strong enough, empathic enough, compassionate enough to share their men...

    if the man can't be just---and he knows if he can or not---it is best to marry only one (which for many a man is still too many). Of course these assertions must contain a discussion of maturity, responsiblity and committment, and how so often men only tie their manhood to the size of their wallets, so i won't go there...

    check out this article that was in the San Fran Chronicle in early August. polygyny, like any marriage is halal, valid and has its mix of failures and successes. May Allah Help Us All.

    Sister Imani

  3. I think I will Safa. I am sorry that him dumping MM isn't working as well as we'd hoped however I did say that it was an intoxicating drink. Insha Allah he will learn to be just or face the consequences of his actions. You know that there are peeps out there to help you and I suppose that is all that matters. You won't be left high and dry, and yes there are men that will marry you even with 5 children. There are many loving men out there who have not been blessed with the ability to have children that would marry you in a heartbeat.

    Sister Imani you speak with the wisdom of an older sister. I think I posted a link to that article in another post. I forget which one but it was this month.

    I do believe that maturity has a lot to do with it. The way that I see it there are three types of polygynists. There are the power mongers the panty sniffers as I so call them. The reason I call them panty sniffers is because of the type of guy that has to control his wife so much that he doesn't trust her so he sniffs her panties to make sure she hasn't been getting hot for anyone else. You know the uber control freak power monger type. I get it from a story that one of my cousins told me about this very jealous Jamaican man. That type of man will enter into polygamy to validate his dominance. He will then rule with an iron fist and subjugate both women to the same horrible treatment, or he will do it to only one of them which will be worse because he will treat the other like a princess.

    Then there's the sex freak type. The one who is just trying to get as much sex as he possibly can while on this planet. So chances are he will have had an illicit relationship and tries to cover it up with polygamy. A turd dressed up still stinks at the dinner table.

    Then there's the last fella, the one who wants to change the world or just a small piece of it. He wants to make it all better so he would like to help out by doing what he can. He is a compassionate type of guy with a big heart and he may or may not enter into polygamy, but his desire to change a sisters situation is the same, true.

    This type of man is more vulnerable to be taken advantage of by women who know their type. I think that this is the case with Safa's husband. I believe that he was a good man once, but with her in Egypt he opened himself up to vulnerabilities. Had Safa known about these weaknesses in him she probably wouldn't have left. I think Vena's husband falls in the same category although they did the nasty before he married her. It was a close proximity and the hole of not communicating I believe that caused them to slip into the P hole.

    In any instance a P marriage can be made whole if the man can manage correctly. If he is fair and doesn't show favoritism in the common spaces, then it should make the union more bearable if not blessed. Mismanagement of possible holes in any circumstance can lead to big problems in any relationship.

    AsSalaamu A'laikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

  4. Well said!! I loved this post!!