Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Bleak reality of the justice system...

The reality is this isn't going to be over tomorrow, not next week, not next month it is going to be like I said December sometime. There are somethings that can be done however not until after the 10th of September. NOTHING can happen until then that is where the court reads my plea of not guilty and THEN after that they can start fiddling around to be placed on the calendar and then the disclosure and then possibly a trial date and it just so happens that Broward county is notorious for dragging their feet in Domestic Violence cases. So this Kunta Kente band is going to be with me for a while. I will probably mean that I will be so relieved when it comes off.

From my research there are only two real things that can help me as far as the criminal stuff goes and that is my wife files a Waiver of Prosecution and not show up to court. Those are pretty much the only things that can help me with this case, besides Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta'ala. Why do we always say that backwards. Allahuma Ateeni Ahsan Makhraj. Insha Allah. So by sluggishness of the courts I will be wearing my band for a while. Also IF after the arraignment on the 10th I do manage to get this thing off the no contact order remains in effect until the case is dismissed so I still can't have contact with her. The only way that I can see my children before this is all over is if my wife petitions the State Attorney's office and somehow I get allowed supervised visitation for a couple of moments.

Wow so it is what it is. So it is me and the 4 walls the Kunta Kente band and my Mom. So I will be alone this weekend because my MOM is going out of town oh no. I think the standard answer for that will be she said that she would be back at any moment so that I can save myself from any crazy roommate drama. That is a whole nother story. No sunsets for me. Hopefully as sunrise creeps earlier and earlier I can go out and catch some morning rays before heading in to work.

Oy Vey this is a test of wills. So if she wants she can grab her lawyer and press for all she wants. So I am up for a brand new situation of life here. Single celibate and I suppose being celibate is kind of like being married to someone that Allah hasn't delivered to you yet. I made tauba so re-marriage, marriage or celibacy are my only real options. I pray when marriage rolls around again I will be ready and I will not make the same mistakes I have made in my life and I pray that we are all happy whether Sakinah and I get back together or not.

I believe that Allah is keeping me from Sakinah because I tried to reconcile. I tried to forget and overlook, make excuses for, deny, obscure the facts and reality, put my head in the sand, be optimistic, think positive and daydream however due to different circumstances beyond my control reconciliation has eluded us at every turn. It just has and the only thing I have been able to do is be patient. Allah has now forcibly removed me from her and or any contact with her. Period. So this is a time to reflect and regather myself and refocus my energies, pick up the pieces of my heart and place them on ice and prepare for surgery. I understand that life moves on and that is just the way that it is. I just have to realize that I am going to be ok and whether I get my kids, we manage to reconcile, or not I am going to be ok and I have a purpose and whatever Allah wills is what is going to happen.

I will not be out of the system at least for almost a whole year. Wow man you really have to get motivated to accomplish your dreams and goals, cause you won't be having your kids. I should have put in to go to college but I have no excuse to get that real estate license though. Well life trolls along. I will be praying Taraweeh at home it seems. Oh Allah grant me Afia and make the most beautiful come out of this trial. I will bear it Oh Allah do not place on me a burden that is greater than I can bear.

I pray my Duas on all of you, I send my dua for everyone who has had to bear trials and tribulations. May this trial be a witness to those who will come after me, may all of us hear who have spoken and who have viewed be elevated In Deen. Ameen.

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