Tuesday, July 15, 2008

You can't handle the truth?

In the dwindling twilight of my marriage I think about what would have been necessary for it to be saved at this point. I reflect that I still contemplate making it work, when I see the kids and they see us geographically together they are happy and have hopes of this all being over and us back together as a happy family. I suppose that could begin to happen if I was told the truth. However without the truth or a diagnosis of insanity there is no hope for us at this point. I still love her and have forgiven and forgot a lot, but the truth cannot be suffered.

You ask Allah for information and then it flows in by the bucket loads and you wonder what to do with this deluge of information. You wanted the truth, but it is only a tool and what you do with it is what governs your life. You think that having it will make things easier, but often it doesn't. The heart is uncontrollable and it is like Niagara falls it just keeps on going. I think back to my first wife and the love is only a trickle but it is still there, and I suppose if hearts were willing the flood gates could be turned back on, but THAT won't be happening. Love however goes on and will not be quieted.

This marriage however is over 24 hours after this post is the last time I will look back, and I wonder if I will even be looking back at all. I just think that it is over, and that is the way that it is.

I went to the lawyers yesterday and the first step of the ball is rolling, If we can agree to everything it will be quick and painless if not it will drag on and on and on. I don't see any reason not to just sign everything and let it all go, and start over a life anew. However we will see.

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