Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Now I know why that is...

I now know why it makes sense for women to be exempted from the Mosque. Last week I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off and I missed Jumuah and now making it to the Masjid for Salaat is daunting at best. I make it when I take my girls to school for now. It is a production, but things are shifting into high gear so I will have to shift my but to get down to the Masjid and get every single hassanah I can get.

Allah has made His position known. I had a moment of weakness, compassion, nostalgia whatever you want to call it. I went over there to have a full uninterrupted talk. We talked, cried kissed caressed and I almost said, okay let's give this thing another shot. I held her in my arms and she felt sooooo good. She slept in my lap and she looked so beautiful. I love her so much. You know how you are sometimes in a relationship and after a while you are like ehh yeah that's the other half. That completely taken for granted, that's my love feeling. Well with her I love her like the first day, she is still just as beautiful as the first day, just as cute as the first day. Her eyes shine just as brightly as the first day, Her skin is just as soft as the first day, and my heart has completely betrayed my logic because it cares nothing about what was said or done. Then so you fear that you will never again love another like this, or two more you know I've just got to throw that out there. LOL. You will never again be this completely and totally in Love, but Allah had His hand in this meeting and after all of the kissing and loving and petting we are still on the road to divorce and furthermore it has shifted from low to high gear.

We were fine we had done the things that were necessary, we were cordial and adultlike and then the last nail in the coffin. She fired a volley for the kids, now all bets are off. Not without my kids is the title of this fight and I'm not going to go into any detail about this, but it is openly apparent that Allah does not want this union to be repaired and if that is the case, I really don't want to know what He has prepared for her, but I fear for her and I pray that Allah has mercy on her. I'm really sorry that it has come to this, but I will do everything in my power to ensure that my children do not suffer. They have been through enough and they need a break. I will be going to the divorce class this Saturday and I will call about counseling for my children today.

Everything happens for a reason, soon we will know why...

Please make dua for us and I will make dua for all of you.

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