Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy was he?

I read this article on askmen.com that said that a threesome can ruin your relationship. Well come to find out that it is most probable. I learned a few things in my wife’s moment of submission so to speak and her regaining it. I found out that the mold of the only acceptable woman in her eyes is overweight, un-educated (as in lack of higher degree, not as in bone stupid) can’t have children, submissive, low earning potential (non-professional), wears hijab and adheres to the Deen, and of course is willing to cook, clean and watch kids while she goes to work. So I’m like hmm. Anything outside of this box is threatening. Surprisingly when her friend/housemate was having a breakdown the other day she asked me to marry her. Coinky dinkally she fits almost all of the qualities except the kid having part. My wife asked me in a state of heightened emotions, but she assures me that she was serious. Fortunately for me the sister is already married, albeit in a significantly fragile relationship, but married nonetheless.

So I had to think about this prospect of the whole co-wife thing. On the one hand my wife has reluctantly said that I can choose a sisterwife however I must be willing to deal with the consequences that arise if it doesn’t go very well. On the other hand I’m faced with an obese person with undoubtedly self esteem issues. In my opinion I reckon that since I’m happy with my wife and my life that I should just leave well enough alone and stay with my one wife and live happily ever after. The caveat is that my wife still has the reserve to foist upon me the wife of her choosing at anytime. So if I were an unstable person I suppose the best thing to do would be to jump the gun and pick for myself and let the chips fall where they fall. However this is foolish and imposing an imaginary situation upon a real one.

My wife however desperately thinks that I will never be fully satisfied until I have two women. This is something that they were saying in the article. Once the subject is breached it will always be a point of contention in the family especially if the woman is not game for it. My situation is very complex because my wife isn’t entirely opposed to the idea. In fact there are certain circumstances that she would welcome it. So it isn’t totally out of the question, but at the same time it is not totally in either. So I’m left to try and psychoanalyze my wife and find out what is a peaceful solution. If I say no altogether then I am open to having a wife pushed upon me, which would undoubtedly at some point make me angry and lash out in some way unconsciously especially if finances weren’t in order (undoubtedly I would deal with it peacefully though, but it would change the family dynamic, but then any addition would). I don’t know I just feel that I don’t want to be stuck in a situation that I’m not comfortable with.

Now my ideal woman is probably the exact opposite of what my wife is looking for an independent self thinker, fit (not necessarily small, but fit) attractive, can have and wants kids, educated and professional at whatever her occupation is, serious and learned in religion. The religion thing is very important to me because I want my children to be Muslim and if you do the whole I’m in love with him so I’m going to convert thing then it isn’t true or it has a chance of not being true and sustainable and the possibility of going back to whatever she was before is greater. Then that makes for a whole new nightmare with the children and I don’t want to go through that again. So argumentation of the religion thing is out of the question.

Being that both of our ideal situation is diametrically opposed it is easy for me to list all of her reasons as faults, but that would not be fair. I realize that it is important for any first wife to feel a certain safety when a second wife comes along. I know that my wife lists the qualities that she has listed because they are non-conflictual to her. If the sister is overweight while she is smaller in frame, the sister is uneducated while she has an advanced degree. The sister is unable to have children etcetera all of these points presumably point to a connection or perceived superiority of one over the other however for a plural marriage to work there has to be an acceptance of each individual upon their own merits and aspects that they can bring to the relationship. If one side is arrogant and controlling it will naturally create a hostile relationship. My wife is very keen to the things that she is threatened by as far as qualities of women are concerned and I can understand that she doesn’t feel that she should have to compete in her own house. I feel that even if you married two identical people there will be snippets of things that one person will naturally be inclined to and do better than the other. Ultimately I think that the focus is on how I treat them together and separately is key to a happy union. For if I married my wife’s ideal woman and she got all of the loving and attention because she was home with the kids then my wife would feel that whatever she was bringing to the table wasn’t good enough etcetera. So there is a balance and acceptance that has to take place in order for the relationship to work.

I don’t know where we are now with the whole notion. I believe that it is irrevocably on hold. My wife has some other hang ups as well. One is race no races with long flowing hair which I find amusing. No light complexioned peoples. I think that both reasons are is ridiculous hang ups but everybody is entitled to their preferences. I believe that I know where it comes from though. When African-Americans are raised we have drilled into our heads what is good and what isn’t, good hair is straight and long, bad hair is nappy, light skin is better than dark etcetera, so it would go that my wife wouldn’t want to compete with any of these qualities on a regular personal basis. I can understand that.

Thank God for Word. The little boy that I’m watching pressed the big silver button on my laptop (The on/off switch) and shut down the computer, but because Word autosaves I’m back in action. I say again Word, Word, Word other wise this whole post up to this point would have been lost.

Like I said though I can understand how she feels the way that she does about some stuff and I can empathize with her on most of her issues. I feel however until I make enough money a year that the whole thing is a mute issue. I think that it is a great fantasy however I don’t see it becoming a reality in this lifetime. I think that the sheer impossibility of finding someone that will fit into our family is grossly remote. So the monogamous is our only lifestyle for the rest of our lives it seems and I’m happy with that.