Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Getting to Closure

Closure is a very important part of the end of any relationship and obviously I am having issues. I know I keep saying that this is the last post but it is creeping closer to the end, I mean how many days has it been since the last this is the last time? So I am reading wikiHow and I come across this article http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Closure and I start working through it.

I was going to post that process here but it would violate my disclosure principles. However my main issues are that I am very angry and wronged and I haven't laid that to rest. It resurfaces every time that I look through old photos or look at my children. I try to reconcile it by making excuses for her. I search her mental state because if this was all done by a stable person it would be even more insane. Then I concede that it was my fault, but I wasn't doing anything. Sometimes it happens though you are just sitting down minding your own business and then the number 32 bus splashes into that water puddle on the side of the road and completely drenches you. You have to move on, but just like that pigeon whose lover just got killed I keep coming back sitting at the bedside of my dead relationship then I get angry all over again.

Then there is the ever present fact that I STILL love her like nobody's business good grief. I look at those who have let their love go and then live the rest of their lives regretting it. I suppose I will be one of them. I was in love once and it was beautiful and she was my everything and she owned my heart and she still does and sorrow knows no rest in a true love lost. A love that was comforting on a winter night, but I shall not become obsessed. I asked Allah once and if my heart rests I can ask Him again and surely my Lord can give me something better than this. Surely my Lord can bring my heart rest. Surely my memory will fail me, but memory seldom remembers the bad in those whom you love and I have forgotten much, but the stinging memory of the betrayal goes on, on both sides I'm sure. Sakinah has an excellent quality for moving on, she just cuts off and forgets and does a complete purge of the offensive party from her system and lives on happily ever after. She deletes all memory of the person and calls it a day and it really doesn't matter who that person is. I suppose if I didn't love her so damned much it would be just as easy for me too.

In the steps to closure it really addresses persons that are single when they got together and are single when they leave and not really for married persons. The Steps and suggestions are:

· Define Loose Ends

· Forgive the other person

· Apologize

· Hold a ceremony.

· Write a Story.

· Begin a New Chapter

· Make a Video.

So I have done one and two. I have apologized several times for the things that I have done. I think I will hold one of those floating Japanese candle things for the funeral ceremony. Then I will write a story and it will be rather long I think and lots of pictures. I don’t know if I will post it or not, but I will write it. Maybe I will switch over to Wordpress and write it and allow a very select group of readers the password. Since everyone get soo upset with what I post and that would get into some very personal disclosures. I don’t mind disclosing stuff about myself but other people don’t feel the same way so where they are concerned I will treat them with discernment. Then I will make the video and that I may post. I do know that I don’t ever want to get married again. I’m good, I will be ok we are all going to be ok. This is all an Illusion and the only thing that matters is my relationship with Allah and in that I can find solace. Insha Allah.

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