Friday, January 21, 2011

Writing again

So here I am at her house noting the fact that I have completely stumbled. Well since you are all here let's do some catching up shall we? Once Upon ago I was a fanatical blog hound. I would blog on the regular and I hope to do it again. Why should you ask well one it is therapy and two I'm starting to go to school again and the simple practice of writhing 1000 words a day can really help you bust out term papers. So if you only blog short blurbs you may think about picking it up a notch.

Well since I've been gone I've had two girlfriends (still in the last relationship). Had a melt down, started a photography workshop, gained a promotion, lost a promotion gained another promotion and am considering taking drugs to give me the reigns of my A.D.D. That pretty much sums it up.

So now I'm reading Quran again and I'm on Juz 27 yay. (how do you cancel auto correct on an ipad I'd like to know). I've been approached for reconciliation again and I am considering it. We two are screwed so maybe we should just be together and save the world from being victims of collateral damage. The only thing with the iPad and a bluetooth keyboard is that whole auto correct thing. I tend to lay my head back and just talk and with auto correct chances are I could be saying anything. Oh well we will see how it goes.

After blogging and having my whole life fall apart on center stage I don't know if I want Jinns to have that much access to my private life. Neither them nor NSA either they are all one in the same I suppose.

So I'm going to a therapist and she is saying that I should probably get on medication for my A.D.D. and such. I don't necessarily blame her for her suggestion. At first I was very leery because you hear about these counselor types strung out on drugs so that they can function. I would be able to function if I had any kind of discipline.

Anyway so I'm reading the Quran and it is eating me alive because it's great to be back but then it can be kind of depressing too. Reading the quern leaves a sinner little margin of error. Hardcore hitters like 53:59 Do you then wonder at this recitation (The Qur'an)? 53:60 and you laugh at it and weep not, 53:61 Wasting your (precious) lifetime in pastime and amusements (singing, etc) The big verses that stick out however are those who admonish against those that follow their own lusts, and how they will be punished. Especially the whole illegal sex parts. Those are kicking my butt. It is not that i want to do these things, but more like I have lack of self-control when they are presented to me. Here have a cookie, Oh I think I will... have another. One of those type of things. The last thing I expected was to get into a relationship. I had told myself several times in the beginning that this was a dead end and I shouldn't do it. Mostly because I had a FTW attitude going on and if I let up then I would have to care. So that is what happened. I stopped lying to myself and then she fell in love with me. Completely oblivious to the fact that I refuse to stop praying and you can't do dirt and pray it just doesn't work. At least it doesn't work for long. So I'm praying and reading and the more I read the more I am like I've got to stop this. Completely unrelated to that guilt my wife who has consistently refused to sign the papers has asked again to get back together. Am I jumping for joy? No am I considering it yes. I'll stop right there with that.

So I am doing my photography thing and I am giving some classes, of course my lack of discipline and A.D.D are getting in the way and I got burned out completely. So now I am recuperating and retooling a series of courses and hopefully this time I can get through without losing my mind and feeling overwhelmed.

Well that is enough for one day I will be posting my project 365 stuff here so at least you should hear from me everyday or every other day.

Getting back on the wagon.

AsSalaamu A'laikum


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Her House

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