Something about fear

Today I read one of my most favorite Du3a in the Quran. I don't know if it will paste here but here it is:

28:24 So he watered [their flock] for them: and when he withdrew into the shade and prayed: “O my Sus­tainer! Verily, in dire need am I of any good which Thou mayest bestow upon me!”

فَسَقَى لَهُمَا ثُمَّ تَوَلَّى إِلَى الظِّلِّ فَقَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ

Alhamdulillah it pasted. I grabbed it from Islamicity so anyway the in this Surah the topic of fear is discussed or rather is alluded to in very real human situations. First Musa's Mother is afraid for her son to the point of giving up his identity to the very man who wants him dead, and then Musa for his crime of killing the man that was against his people. There is a brief moment there that shows that certain sins can become addictive or less of a moral problem after the first time. The man that Musa saved on the previous day asked him for his help the second day and in anger Musa hemmed him up and the man accused him of preparing to kill him as he did the man on the day before. After which Musa escaped.

Many of us have dark secrets that we would rather not share and confide in Allah in to forgive our sins. These Ayats are key to some of the essential things concerning Tauba and the psychology of sin. Musa killed a man. In all respects it is a Kabira (Great Sin) of which he has to make Tauba for and serve out a term appointed by Allah. The turning point in Musa's case is the second encounter with the man in which he could have killed him and because he was royalty and the man a slave everything could have been covered up. He could have pinned the murder on the slave and went back to palace life and been perfectly fine, but he didn't Alhamdulillah.

Now when we make Tauba often shortly afterwards we are tested in it. When we decide to dedicate our lives to Allah we are most definitely tested in it. Fear most often times negates much of the blessing that we would receive had we been patient and trusting of Allah. Sometimes the fear is like that of Musa's mother where the anxiety is so overwhelming that we lose faith fearing others the same as or more than Allah. Other cases are we are afraid so that we acquiesce to more evil to cover the evil that has already been done, or we lose hope and feel that there is no way that Allah will forgive us these sins and so we allow ourselves to pile on more sins out of feeling dejected. For many a believer the feeling of doing something so wrong that there is no chance of tauba overwhelms them into a sullen depression and thus they lose the umph of their faith and with steam lost they become one of "those" Muslims.

Now as Musa has left and "removed" himself from the situation of evil he prays to Allah nothing has changed mind you he has still killed a man and the Pharoah still wants him dead, but he prays "My Lord I am in Desperate need of any good you bestow on me" and Alhamdulillah this is the beginning of his transformation into Prophet Musa. I can't tell you how many times I feel the need to make this du3a.

Reflecting on Tauba I often wonder if my Tauba will be accepted and count on the Day of Judgment. These of course are whisperings of the Shaytan because I firmly believe that my Tauba was accepted, because in it I asked for my wife and I was provided an immediate answer. So you see I could never give up my wife, because I believe that she was given to me directly by Allah Subhannahu Wa T'ala. So in her my soul Insha Allah has been thusly refreshed from the sin that I was in.

Nevertheless when you read Ayat about your particular sin you have to ask yourself was my sin erased? Am I going to have to answer to it on Yaumin Qiyama? Then you read the punishments associated with your sin and you are like Ya! Allah is there any hope for me. Subhannallah may Allah forgive us and help us to transform our lives into something that he is proud of. Reading Quran is Frightening and Comforting experience because right after the verses of punishment come the verses of forgiveness. Insha Allah we all heed them.

Wiping Red again

Ok so yesterday I decided to give my wife a break from the kids, and I took them out all day yesterday. I made one fatal flaw in that I didn't clean the house spotless before I left. Needless to say she got up and cleaned it. She was feeling really good and we had made it a whole two days without wiping red so she was overconfident and probably did too much so this morning she's in the red again. Needless to say she's got her hips up in the bed. It is really hard because her back hurts and she's uncomfortable, and I feel that it is my fault. I will take the kids out today around noon so that they can play and get tired, then I will bring them home for naps and reading time. If it is nasty out I will try something else.

Today is the day for getting the clothes dwindled down to 14 outfits per season. The baby clothes that can be salvaged will be boxed up. I will wash and fold all laundry today and make dinner and check lessons today is a full day. I also have to drop off my car to the mechanic and send out my sons skateboard. So we will see how far we get. Ready .... Set... Go!!!