Thursday, September 04, 2008

Purification of Anger

In Purification of the Heart it says:


As for the swelling ocean of all of these diseases, I mean anger; if you come to its shore, you’ll see great astonishments.


Its waves and everything else about it are overflowing. So say of it what you will without constraint.


It has two treatments: one of them removes it altogether without trace. The other suppresses it should it manifest itself.


To be adorned with the ornament of its cure, remember the extensive praise lavished upon forbearance and humility in Sacred Law, as well as in the poetry and prose of the wise. Indeed, remember that all of the prophets have been depicted as having both qualities.


Repel [anger] by perceiving at its onset that there is no one doing anything in reality except the Almighty; also by performing ablution with cold water, keeping silent, lying down (if one is sitting) and sitting (if one is standing). It will pass by doing these things, and also by seeking refuge in Allah as was mentioned in the tradition.


In realizing that dealing with this situation that there is a lot of anger involved, I must first realize that I get angry in this situation because I feel violated of my rights as a husband. The first and most obvious reality is that I have no rights on her. The Iddat period has passed so in essence she is free to do whatever she wants to do and I have no right to get upset about it. I have no right to get upset about it and in fact she had asked me to divorce her long before this, but we were still inside of the Iddat period so in essence I have NO right to be upset about any of her actions at all, with the exception of a two week period.


Similarly she is in the same boat. She has no rights on me either so by the same token I am free to do whatever I want as well. The only thing that continues to be a ball and chain in this situation and prolonging the whole thing is the STATE and the slow-behind divorce process. So I believe that once we allow that to set in we can begin to decide how we want to move forward either together or separately.


It was posed by a good friend that we go forward with the amnesia effect, meaning that this entire Bahrain period should just be forgotten and I believe that it could have been had there not been further transgressions. I have no problem with the transgressions that happened before we came to an agreement of trust; it is the ones that I was assaulted with after that agreement that cause me such anguish. So if we were to get back together we will have to open the book and see what is present before us and then analyze if we indeed truly want to go forward.


  1. The amnesia affect doesn't last long, it comes bidden during dark nights and the hurt is always present in warm tears......

    But if you both truly work towards forgiveness at face value........there is always hope.


  2. I am quoting you from a previous statement you made about yourself:

    "I'm conscience of how often I abuse people with my tongue."


    Seems like this abuse thing has been going on for you for some time. I hope you get well soon. Am praying for you brother!

  3. When we quote it is important not to take things out of context.

    My Wife and I attended "Agenda to changing our condition." with Sheik Hamza and Imam Zaid (from Zaytuna) at Rutgers University in New Jersey this month. Alhamdulillah we are working on our 40 day plan. First is Salat (performing them in time and on time) and then the next is holding one's tongue. We have tried the holding tongue bit before and failed miserably. I'm still starting over on that one but at least I'm conscience of how often I abuse people with my tongue. 3/28/2006 1:20 AM

    I have held my tongue on this matter quite extensively. It has been a while since we went to this program and I forget the context almost entirely that it was given of holding ones tongue.

    In terms of hurting other people in what you say, I hold my tongue quite extensively. Allahu Alim. I had not made any volleys against her out of anger which is the topic of this post, in fact considering the facts and the gross obvious lies that I was presented I believe I have handled myself quite well. However I would be arrogant and quite arrogant in fact to claim that I was a master at holding my tongue in reference to what is spoken about in religious knowledge. In that context I do abuse people quite often whether I am conscience about it or not. For it takes one to say that which is necessary and leaving the rest and at this point in time emotionally I do not believe that I am at a point where I can do that well.

    For me to be free from the abuses of not holding my tongue it would be necessary for me to speak the essential and withhold the rest, which I feel would put most people guilty.

    Insha Allah I will return to the 40 days and study the essence of holding my tongue and replace myself on that path. May Allah help all of us on the path to righteousness. Ameen.

  4. I don't know what is going on or how long you and sakina have been married but back in 2006 you asked the question on healthboards

    "Please someone answer me...I have this problem, or at least i think its a problem. With some women i am able to maintain an orgasm for hours, while other women i am stuck within the 5-20 minute range. I have tried thinking things to calm my climax for futher extention but it doesn't work. then other times its just natural. I don't know why i do this but i want to learn how to control it...please lend some advice:("

    UGHHH!!! Was you cheating on her back then? Not accusing you, just asking. When you said, "With some women" I started to wonder whats been going on all these years. Maybe this isn't even you. But not too many people with the nickname "Lovespoet". Just search google and you will see..

  5. The only person that I have had sex with since February 6 2001 has been Sakinah. That is the day that we got married and I swear by Him who holds my soul that she is the only person that I have had intercourse with. I don't know who that LovesPoet is but you can rest assured that it is not me. I am not the only LovesPoet out there I wish I was but I didn't copyright the name.

    In most places I am the only moomtaz, but I can't say for sure.

  6. Aoothubillah Make that February 6th 2002 and I swear to that. Astagfirallah.

  7. HEY BOY! You ever had a good ass whooping? I read your ex wifes blog and it shows she fears you! you say you gonna cut her head off and put in a platter. Well let me tell you something BOY! If I knew who you was personally I would turn you ever which way but loose. I don't go for women beaters and shit. I'd like to jerk you up by the collar and show you what a real man is made of!

  8. That's an outstanding position you have there Anon and to be perfectly honest with you if I were to ever encounter a WIFE BEATER I would feel the same way so I guess you and I are on the same page. Let me know if you find a WIFE BEATER and we can go over there together and straighten them out, but that would mean that I was innocent of what she said now wouldn't it...

    but I stand behind your position wholeheartedly I can't stand wife beaters so we are on the same page and if I were guilty of such a thing then I would gladly sit on my hands until you got tired. That is how strongly I feel about it.

    Thanks for posting come again.

  9. Uhh?? "Hey Boy" anon why do you smell like someone who has lit a burning cross? Oh no... could that be banjo's playing in the backgound?

    Mmmm.. Interesting. Anyhow, obviously Sakinah never stated in her blog that he beat her. Just some arguements they had with each other. Which is common between any marriage.

  10. Good Lord "Mr. KKK Aonymous" -- who do you think you are coming on here calling someone "BOY" and threatening them???

    Wow Muhammad, you are more patient than me. I don't post that kind of excrement on my blog.

  11. They say patience is a virtue. What does it say about the Jahilun?

    7:199 Hold to forgiveness; command what is right; But turn away from the ignorant.

    I try. Maybe I shouldn't have posted it here, but I try to let everyone have a say, if for nothing else to choose the higher road.

  12. "Mr. KKK Aonymous"

    hehe.. that name fits him well since most usually the KKK members are big cowards and hide anonymously under white sheets. hehe..what I call, the racist white mans burka.

    Oh hey look at this.. KKK member Leaves racism and converts to Islam!

    Subhanallah! Its a nice testimony.