Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Getting back together

My wife wants to get back together and I said that I would after the divorce (get remarried Islamically) in order to rebuild trust and everything and I can't talk to her at all. The problem like I see it is that I am so angry now. She either purposely or through an attempt to escape pain put an unbelievable hurting on me. I am still hurting, hurting and angry, betrayed and humiliated. I'm so frustrated and I have no way of getting with her and working out my issues.

I don't feel like retaliating I just don't feel like making any promises. I promised that I would give it a try and I will because I really, really really love her, but I am too angry right now so the separation is good. I am actually looking forward to going to my Domestic Violence class this week because I want to unload. Negotiate, Accept or Leave and that is what it is. After being placed in jail my tolerance for negotiation is Nil, my willingness to just accept what ever rules or stipulations she hands me is even lower than that and she just doesn't understand that there is very little keeping me from leaving. Before it was the kids influencing my decision to stay, but I am Muslim and I pray so Insha Allah they will be fine. Make no mistake that I love her like nobody's business. She owns my heart I love her from the depths of my soul and no one has ever hurt me like this but my cup is next to empty and I don't feel like getting pushed around anymore. I don't feel like being handed a crap sandwich and being told it is fillet Mignon. I REALLY REALLY don't feel like getting LIED to again EVER, I am so over that.

I AM SO MAD AT HER!!!! I forgive her though and UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

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