Monday, March 17, 2008

Only one place to turn

I have learned that you really only have one place to turn. One place of solitude, one place of comfort and that is with Allah. After you have gone off the path for so long Allah comes along and slaps you in the back of the head and brings you back into focus. I have no place of refuge now. The most intimate relationship that I have had with my wife is gone and maybe it was its time to go because it was killing her silently or loudly depending on how you look at it. However and for whatever reason its time has come and so in comes that rushing lonely feeling that you have when you are in a crowded room and yet completely alone.

So where do you go? You go to the only place you can go, to Allah and you ask Him for help in this test and slowly and surely you put one foot in front of the other and you hold on to the rope. You wrap it around several times and hang on. You see the shayateen laughing and reclining all around you completely at peace because they figure you are going to let go of that rope sooner or later, but you hold on. There is nothing underneath your feet and the weight of your sins is hard on you. Your hands bleed but you hold on and you ask for some sign that will give you tranquility in this moment and pray that you can be patient and steadfast in all of this mess. You are there alone, all alone just you and Allah and whatever shred of faith you have left.

With every hardship, comes ease.

The tongue shouldn't move so swiftly

so you know all of the words have been said,

all of the nymphs have been evicted

will there still be passion in this bed?

Where will the connection be?

Will Allah bring it back,

can this union be saved,

will we get back on track?

These are things that I don't know,

they are not in my hands,

will we rise up out of this

or be cast upon the sands?

I don't remember the wrongs I've done

nor do I remember hers,

all that I experience is the evidence of burrs,

from prickly thorns of the fruit of zaquum

and now I taste its sting,

I can only ask and pray that we can be free of this thing.

The hellfire is so close now,

I can almost feel its heat,

Will Allah save us from it on that fateful day we meet?

So much pain and anguish that we have freely passed,

now we are covered with the regrets of the sins that we've amassed.

Oh Allah help us from this

and return us to our loving bliss

and forgive us our shirk of raising each other alongside you,

our faulty desires too,

and our slipping from the mound,

return us please to a place with you that is surely safe and sound.

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