Sunday, March 16, 2008

Now I have to lie too?

3:14 Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet: women and sons; Heaped-up hoards of gold and silver; horses branded (for blood and excellence); and (wealth of) cattle and well-tilled land. Such are the possessions of this world's life; but in nearness to Allah is the best of the goals (To return to).

4:28 Allah wishes to lighten (the burden) for you; and man was created weak (cannot be patient to leave sexual intercourse with woman).

I have accepted the fact that I cannot tell my wife everything, I have reiterated my promise of not pursuing polygamy in our marriage. I have reinforced it by promising that I will not mention it through the duration of our marriage. I have now and always will live by the hadith "If you are out and you see a beautiful woman then go home and make love to your wife." I live by that. All of this however is not enough. Now I have to say baby you are all that I have ever wanted and all that I will ever want for now and forever more. You are all that my eyes see and you are all that I desire. Which is true because I am not looking for anything else and this is all that she wants me to say. Well then so be it, but the truth is that men do look and they do desire and they would if they could have it all. Not just me but any man who is very passionate has a high sex drive and loves women. All of the passions that light my fire when I am out and about my wife reaps the full benefit, but this is not enough. I never am in sisters faces grinning from ear to ear. I never sit an ogle on beaches and I lower my gaze. I keep away from excessive conversation and I tell women exactly how it is. I am my wife's and that is all that I am, but that is not enough.

Now I have to lie and put it in a package and make it very presentable. I suppose it is not lying just avoiding direct questions. My Mom cursed me to be completely honest, but even the Prophet was better at soothing the souls of his wives and he never lied, but he also had 9 wives so I guess he wouldn't have to.

My wife says I just don't get it. I don't know, I love her with all that I am and if it is a few words that will make it all better then I guess I will surrender them and keep everything else to myself. Make dua for me I have to retrain my tongue.


  1. I mean I get it that women want to be the only thing that their men desire and all of everything that that man would ever want. I get it I do. They also want to know that they do it for their man and this is true. So I get what she is saying it is not that I don't. I suppose that the argument here for me is the final letting go of being able to tell my wife every single little thing that comes through my head to not being able to do that. Not being able to tell her about all of my weaknesses and trials and tribulations in the arena of weakness towards women. I have been out here for months and I have done extremely well I think.

    Maybe I just need to let go of that thing and accept the fact that women really don't want to know everything. However it is not in my nature to sugarcoat the truth. Do you think about polygamy yes I do. Would you do it if you could and your wife would be fine with it yes I would if the right sister came about and yadda yadda yadda. Am I actively or passively looking NO I am not. Am I wishing and hoping and praying no I am not. Am I bugging my wife about it every five minutes no I am not. Do I talk about it with fondness yes regretfully I do. I like Big Love and the whole nine, but since the first go round with polygamy it hasn't been on my bird, but that isn't enough.

    So women really just want to hear exactly what they want to hear and as long as I take care of each and every other need she has then hey everything will be right as rain. I'm prepared to do that if that is exactly what it takes.


  2. assalamualaikum,

    i'm in polygamy. the second wife to my beautiful husband. and i think he has raised this similar issue up. the urge of getting another wife, is more of a need/weakness rather than lust.

    in this situation, i guess men knows best on what they are strong and weak in.

    i feel for you.

    nonetheless, everything is up to you. because you're the leader in your family.

    marriage is a beautiful relationship bonding that needs trusts and loads of understanding and patience.

    pray for guidance from Allah. i hope He provides you the best of path for your situation.

    i pray for you too.

  3. As salaamu Alaikum,

    If a man wants p because he "loves women" and has a high sex drive, then perhaps p is not for him.

    Because what happens when he now has 2 wives, and still goes in the street and sees beautiful women? He runs home to one of his two wives? Is that enough? Because, we still loves women. Insha Allah I'm making sense. Will 3 wives make him stop looking and wanting?

    And then there's the issue of maintaining a marriage. Sex is only a small part of marriage when it comes right down to it.