Monday, April 20, 2009

Old vs. New

I talked at length with an old friend last night whose situation is very similar to mine sans the police drama but drama nonetheless and we were exchanging notes on how difficult it is to bring this marriage thing back together. After several years of marriage the new guy or girl has a significant advantage over you. They are NEW!! As the old hat in the relationship there are certain protocols that you believe are in place, such as telling the truth and your true feelings. Your wife asks a question and you feel free to dispense with the standard B.S and give it to her straight, which is not always received in the best light. It is however the truth.

The new guy or girl is going to LIE to put it bluntly. They aren't going to call you out on your dirt, they are going to paint a rosy picture of how things should be and could be, but that is all B.S.

After several years of marriage to expect a honeymoon romance with your significant other is not unrealistic, but after a marriage has been tried and tested the period in the middle, or shortly after the test a honeymoon is more difficult to realize. After the test has gone and become a memory then I'm sure that it would be a whole lot easier to find.

Then that gets to forgiveness.

Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and ceasing to demand punishment or restitution...

So I ask myself the question; have I forgiven her? I think the big one is right there in the front. When I don't think about it then yes, but in those moments of solitude and reflection it all comes rushing back in and I wrestle with it, ACTIVELY. I told her that it would be easier to deal with if she moved in with me, but she's not so it is easier to swing the other way I suppose, because there is more silence and time to reflect on the wrongs done. I don't hold it against her, because it is really between her and Allah and has very little to do with me. I try to focus on that as a singular thought. It is not personal whatever happened is between me and Allah and has very little to do with her at all.

Old post, never posted. It is a mute point now, but it was my thoughts back then.

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