Saturday, April 04, 2009

Leave her alone!!!

I came to an epiphany today that I am just going to have to do in order to get on with my life and sever the attachment altogether. The problem is that I still love my wife, but the trust and the basic expectation of her telling me the truth is gone. It is so bad that if she said the sky was blue I'd swear she was lying. That is something that I noticed that happened when the trust died out. That is something that will make any kind of reconciliation impossible. It is so sad because I really do love her. So I realize that the only way that I can make this break from her emotionally is to A. Get involved with someone else in a disposable rebound relationship, or B. put as much distance between us as possible. Option A even with promises of great sex and stimulating conversation is not something that I want to do. I just can't use people like that. I just can't. So I am going to need to put together some kind of social distancing between us just so that I can return to being the person that I once knew myself to be. End off of the suspicion and clandestine operations for a while and just be me. I need to define myself again. I need to divorce any hope of some kind of reconciliation and move on. Maybe it is the estrogen in the Soy Milk. It is strange because I can accept that it is over, but at the same time it is kind of like why end it when you can put in the work to save it type of thing, but neither of us is willing to do that AT the Same time. She was ready and I wasn't, now I'm ready and she isn't then there is the no trust thing so the best thing that I can think of is distance. I don't think this fasting is something that will take forever I mean we are cordial and everything now, but I feel once life has grown up around the reality of it being over it will be a lot easier to deal with.

2 comments:

  1. Asalamu Alaykom,

    Long time no see.

    I wanted to remind you that Islam has NO waiting period for the man after divorce or death of spouse. Why? Because your needs are to go into another relationship sooner. Go for it! That's my thought. You aren't using anyone. You will always love the mom of your kids. Just go ahead and love someone else now. Enjoy life again!

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  2. Well it is not just that easy, but then again I wouldn't know I haven't tried. Once you go and you find out just how far the rabbit hole goes sometimes it takes you a while to get your bearings again. Now for me to not repeat myself again I will need to slow things down quite extensively, but first I will need a gig to make me some money to support a family. I can barely support myself right now. So unless you know two sisters (LOL) that are looking to get married anytime soon to a great emotionally traumatized husband, and can bankroll my half I think the Quran told me to ummm... FAST yeah that is it. Alhamdulillah sex is not a focus right now so I'm not fasting, but if it ever does become a focus then that is something that I will have to do. I'm free to love but that would be pointless without support. 15 cents only goes so far even when stretched to a dollar.

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