Monday, March 30, 2009

Metamorphisis

You know how you experience a traumatic life event and then you awaken out of the cacoon and you have this thirst for life. That is where I am. I want to live and make a few changes. Getting out of the habit of bathing in the morning is one. I used to always used to shower in the morning because of the ghusls. But now THAT is not a problem. I suppose now I just want to get more organized in life and kind of screw my head on straight set some goals and go for it. I'm trying to make the best of my whole photography gig, but even photographers tell you to get a full time gig. I have a couple of other avenues to root out in terms of employment and I also have to round out my degree, but I am so disassociated with my degree at this time that I wonder if I should change my major all together, but maybe I will just finish and then just add on degrees after that.

I feel a wardrobe change coming on, but I struggle between the whole not trying to project I'm available and being frumpy. I know how to dress, I know how to cook, how to be a Dad and keep a house, but between being lazy and getting it all together I can only reflect on "To know and not do, is yet not to know". Do you know what I mean? So I'm living life to its fullest. My kids and I had a good time this weekend. My Mom wanted to go down to the Coast Guard base and go fishing, so I helped her out and then the kids and I went down to South Pointe Park on South Beach and of course I walked them until they were exhausted. I love doing that it is the best. You can rest assured that they are going to crash after that. They did after we Finally made it back to my Mom's fishing spot. She caught a couple of fish, and she enjoyed herself and that was good.

I have found that www.meetup.com is awesome for getting out and meeting people and warding off the blues. I am long past the getting the blues stage and now I am kind of like in a bubble where I kind of want people in my life, but on my own terms and only as far as I want them there and only for how long I can tolerate them. Sometimes you just need a break. I have been seriously thinking of writing a Craigslist casual encounters ad just for fun. Just to see how ridiculous I could make it sound and then see how many responses I would actually get. Just for amusement, there was one person I had thought about talking to but rationalized myself out of it because I had NO BASIS to even go out for a coffee. So I didn't talk to her. The thing is I don't FEEL like talking to anyone. I feel like socializing and exchanging ideas and feeling the atmosphere, but that is about it. I'm going to a meetup tonight. I have also neglected some other obligations that I have had and now it is time for me to refocus myself on that effort. Probably just simply focus more on marketing and marketing techniques and learn from the pros.

Weekends usually go back and forth between one outing and one day intended to be dedicated to cleaning up the house. Actually I'm supposed to do laundry and clean up on Thursdays before they come so that I have all weekend with them but by the time I recouperate from the weekend it is already Thursday again. On Thursday's I sleep because I work taking pictures in a club on Thursday nights. So I'm usually spent on Fridays and I just have to find a way to get a nap. So Fridays are pretty chill and Saturday and Sundays are usually the adventure days. I enjoy the kids. This Sunday we sat back and listened to a lot of oldies from my collection. I wanted to go to the Amana Carnival but it started raining so I bailed out of that activity. So maybe next weekend. The Youth Fair is here again so I will be taking the kids to that. I may go twice, once for myself to walk around and see the sights and exhibitions which I have always enjoyed and one for the children because the are mostly concerned with the rides. I don't know how expensive it is going to be though. $8 admission plus tickets eww. Don't know if I am going to be rolling like that. We will see how I do on Thursday. I hate smelling like smoke coming from the club, and I wish that I could grab some business from somewhere else then I would drop that all together, but it is contact money and helps out with gas, so it is money that I wouldn't be making.

So Life is going good. Sakinah will be signing the papers soon and that chapter of life will be over. I want to agree with everything before we go back to the lawyer though so that there isn't any harangueing back and forth jacking the price up. So I think that it will all be over soon. The thing about it is When other events are brought up about our past I am amazed at the reserve that I have exhibited through all of this. When the whole thing comes into perspective it is very easy to dismiss much of what you did in light of the extent of things that you did not know. I'm not going to throw her under the bus on my blog though. I just wish her the best in her endeavors and I hope she finds peace from the things that trouble her the most. Other than that nothing needs to be said. Really.

Now on to my work. Peace out people.

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