Tuesday, July 21, 2009

A Question of Hope

My wife always says that I blast out on the net how she's dying to get back with me. Well not today. What I will say is that we are at the table of reconciliation. I am trying to get a realistic picture of how to navigate these new waters and frankly I'm scared out of my pants. Petrified even, but I have resolved to go on. Why because I love her and a year ago I was full of hope. Hope covered with pain but hope nonetheless. Now that my heart feels like a rock I can only imagine how much more difficult that it will be to succeed.

I have to shore off all preconceived presumptions and bury the past and suck it up and move into the future. I have found a solace here in my solitude. It is no good for my Deen at all. It is a place where unsuspecting Kafira's get eaten alive and spit out like discarded wool. However the Dawn of my Deen is calling me to rise up out of these ashes.

So many tests and SOOOOO many failures. Good Lord Allah can I just start over again. I will need my heart back first. Please clean the blackened Rohn from it and allow me to pray out my last days. Kick start my Deen for without it I will surely fail in anything else life has to offer. People please pray for me, cause we all know ya'll ain't going to send money. LOL No offense my readers.

My family back together. Without blinders, without falsehoods and without the fairytale. Will it survive in the real world? Who knows, but my Deen Must be revived and my heart must be awakened.

Will we make it? One day at a time. Yes we will. You get to a point where starting over in life is really not an appetizing option.


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