Monday, December 15, 2008

The Secret lives of Cows

My poor blog has been long neglected, but this day I take a pause for the cause to drop a note or two. Poetry flows into my life like a distant wind rustling nervously between two palm trees as I ponder life and Deen. To be offered all of the evils that the heart desires and to turn it down is saying something, but admittedly my duas serve me better than my willpower. If I had to actually say no, then I would probably be in a lot more trouble, but I have been having fun. Living life, living within my means. Not really cause I can't pay rent, but hey things are going ok. I owe my Mom like 6K now, but oh well I will pay her back, otherwise I will have to hear about it for the rest of my life.

I have been thinking about that Hadith where it is explained that there will be people that will do the actions of the people of paradise until they get to a point and start doing the actions of the people of hellfire and there will be people who do the actions of the people of hellfire until they get to a point and they start doing the actions of the people of paradise and wind up in either place respectively. I can totally see how that can happen now. Through anger and resentment, frustration, malice and hardening of heart and especially if it is all displaced how one can put the blame inappropriately onto Allah. Then in doing so reap havoc onto themselves. You always have to begin with the end in mind. As traumatic as this experience has been I have learned to let go, stand my ground and love my life just as it is. Stuff isn't as important anymore, just genuine help and caring and those things that are real in life.

Still moments like sunrises on a cool morning are things that last more than many others. Life really is only what is happening right now, this moment, this Salaat, this fast, this dhikr, this kindness. There are no next moments. AsSoofi ibnuhu waqtihi. The Sufi is the son of his moment. To realize what is important. These words, These expressions this embrace this sharing, this NOW is all that there is. Don't wait until tomorrow for there is no tomorrow and definitely not one without Insha Allah. We go on into the future one step at a time, one moment, one prayer slowly crawling into the future. Now is all that there is.

Still.

My photography is taking off. I did an event or two but I didn't get paid for them. Soon I will though. Holding myself back from Camera & Lens envy, because it is just stuff in the end. Stuff, how it used to shape my world. Now that my credit is shot it isn't important at all. It is just stuff, money, wealth, clothes, homes, businesses, property; it is all just stuff and as it is collected it becomes JUNK meaningless junk that has attached to it a memory that means something, but the memory has meaning the stuff does not. None of it has any worth that is not glorifying Allah. What where the three things that carry on? A Masjid, a thing of use or a righteous child. Other than that Stuff has no value. Build Masjids and libraries, but built without faith and fear of Allah it all reverts back to just Stuff.

DID you THINK that you could say that you believe with out being tested?

Yep it is in the book I didn't check which Surah but it is in there.

Fags, Freaks and Deviants of all sorts!!

I know some of my readers hate when I use that word but if some blacks call each other nigger I'm more than sure that some homosexuals call each other Fags so get over it. The Prophet said that as a man is before Islam he shall be after Islam. If you were a liar before Islam saying Ashadu Anla illaha Illallah is not going to magically change that characteristic. If you were a Fag before Islam becoming Muslim doesn't magically make you want to stop that practice after you utter the words. If you were a bigot or sunken in negativity prior to Islam you don't start to magically start becoming Mr. Positive and all encompassing after you utter the Shahadatain. It would be great but it doesn't work that way. So Sakinah and I are Quasi back together, well we are together but it is all f****ed up. I am confident that we will make it though, but it is still f***ed up. It is what it is. So I look at myself while I was single I could have done it all. Became a complete swinger and explored all of my freakiness (yes if you are a Freak before Islam you will still be a Freak after Islam) but I didn't and I think that is the key. Islam doesn't tell you that you can't it tells you how. Except for homosexuality I don't know how those guys and girls are going to cope. It will be a jihad for them as it is for every other sexual deviant. If you were an anal fiend before Islam that is going to be a test to stay away from it after Islam it will be especially hard if your wife is begging for it. If I were to go into polygamy it would be hard for me to abstain from doing the whole ménage a trios thing. It is that way though even in halal there is test of what you do and not do. Everyone is tested. Some are tested in some ways and others in other ways. Balance is often just out of reach and problems and drama spring up from all around.

I pray that all of the freaky Muslims out there are given the strength to abstain and hold on to the Rope and make it through to the other side. There is a halal outlet or a halal focus to keep us from that slippery slope that calls us all when the silence rolls in. Run until you are exhausted maybe in that is salvation. Running from the Hellfire is a full time job. Allah save us all from our mouths and our Loins.

Cows graze but at night Allah still sees them.

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