Tuesday, May 09, 2006

So how’d I do?

Well I crashed and burned actually. Starting with the prayer I prayed two prayers outside of their intended time. Still before the next prayer but I would really like to pray within the first hour. The garage is not finished; I spent next to nil time nurturing my children. Did not help my daughter with her homework went back on www.4thefamily.us and chatted another 3 hours, and for the grand finale my wife and I had a very nice conversation (whom as you remember is not supposed to do anything for 3 weeks docs orders). She stopped bleeding and couldn’t keep her hands off me. She started with the just the head thing and the next thing you know fido was learning new tricks. It was riveting. Then of course this morning I heard no alarms so I missed the first prayer of the day. I don’t know what I was waiting for we went to bed at 0130 probably later than that.

Good things that happened yesterday I woke up with the intention of devoting my entire day to my Creator Alhamdulillah (God deserves all the praise). I didn’t snap on any of my children for being young and full of energy and bouncing off the walls due to pent up energy because it was raining outside. I forgave my daughter from not doing her chores last night and going to bed. Sometimes the things we do in slacking can be important. I cleaned 1/8 of the garage (actually probably more like a 1/6). Looking at my computer speakers I can see why I didn’t hear the alarm. There are headphones plugged in. Then finally based on what I blogged about yesterday my wife and I had a very nice discussion (not conversation).

We talked about the new spark for poly living in me which in turn sparked it back in her. Now that I have my head clear I can think straight. We disagree on small minor points. The main points we still agree on which is most important; the fact that she will be the one to choose the wife. We differ however on who it will be. My wife is fixated on her friend who told us no to begin with. I, probably due to the fact that I can’t place a face with a name or know any qualities about this person other than my wife likes her, am more open to different peoples. This point causes us some friction, which looking at it in retrospect is really stupid, kind of like two schoolyard boys fighting over an imaginary car that they will have in 13 years. It really doesn’t matter looking at it intelligently. The wise thing to do is nod and move on, if I need to fixate a face to a name just use the sister as the model. I have my own view of who it will ultimately be and that concept is in line with my wife’s person, it is just that my concept can be applied to anyone that my wife falls in love with as a sister whereas her person is just that person. I don’t think that I should try to convince my wife of my concept model I think that is just irritating the transaction of a quasi-done-deal. I think that God does things for a purpose and in this case I think my model is more accepting to the things that God typically does when we humans become fixated on something. He gives us that thing or something better than that thing in the case of asking Him for the best for our family it may be that He has for us something completely different than either one of us imagined. That’s just my experience with God. Kind of like a man looking for a silver coin in a mountain of gold so that he can be rich which in fact he could just start collecting all of the gold and be wealthy. I think that is the way God works on a lot of things.

Even though we both want it, I haven’t prayed on it at all. I have come close sometimes but I really haven’t prayed on it. The scenario that I have worked out in my mind is that my wife will fall in love with an acquaintance in her travels or sister’s groups or a trusted friend will recommend someone or it will just happen and there won’t be a whole lot of strange feelings to deal with. My wife is a very beautiful loving woman and I believe that she may meet someone else, or the sister that she has in mind may change her mind. It is really all speculation of how it will all pan out, so there’s no need disagreeing about the unknown, because it can really take a completely different path than you think. So at this point I will indulge my wife’s person and let God do the rest because He can show her better than I can what is the best choice, and whatever that may be I am fine with that.

So I have to think of a different outlet for my imagination when I get really horny. Maybe I will write down erotica or something. That takes a lot of time and contemplation so usually I just settle for every 2.5 days have a conversation when it goes longer than that my imagination starts whirling. In reflecting though it is a prayer that I made long time ago for a second wife. That could have aided my first marriage in going the way that it went. I believe when you ask God for something and he is going to give it to you He creates the circumstances for the gift to thrive. In my present marriage it will thrive in my previous one it wouldn’t have. So like if you ask God for a million (in this day and age you need more like 10) then the circumstances surrounding that will enable you to do God’s work with it, like if you have a diseased heart (spiritually) it will be cleansed prior to receiving the funds.

So today we start over, I intend to clean the garage and help my daughter with her homework.

I haven't told anyone on 4 the fam website about this blog yet. Maybe I will.

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