Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Angle of congruence

Alhamdulillah (praise be to God) my wife and I had a beautiful discussion last night. We talked about what I mean about the one she has picked out for us may not be the one for us at all. She thought that I was referring to just finding anyone and I wasn't. I was referring to her falling in love with someone else that would fit into our family paradigm. I believe that the right person for us will be a close friend of my wife, that begins in a completely platonic fashion. Right now I believe that it may be best that we not think about it too much because of how when you're looking for something it is so elusive and when you stop looking it finds you. That's kind of how I feel.

I just have to reassure my wife through my actions that I'm not looking on the side which I'm not. We then began to talk about the risk involved, are we willing to risk our family for something that could end very tragically, which is a very scary thought. My wife's concern is if things aren't working out will I do what I need to to cut it off. I think so, I just feel that it may seem kinda cold and calculated to give someone a deed of covenants before entering into a relationship. You know read pages 1 - 45 in your relationship manual and sign pages 75 - 85 in triplicate. That just doesn't seem natural to me you know what I mean. I don't know how we will protect ourselves maybe we will just wait until all of the kids are out of the house.

That is another thing the question of kids. I haven't really talked to her about it, mainly because she is the one picking out the wife. I think that she would be more comfortable with a wife that cannot have anymore kids, but I think that more kids would be a good touch. I was raised as a single child and I didn't like it very much. I also think that it would be a means of strengthening the bonds of love between all of us, but God knows best.

So we are driving to work bonding and such, having a good time. We were just talking about going poly and everything. Expressing how mildly impatient we are. I can wait, it just makes me more aroused I suppose. It also endears me to my wife more. We talked about stuff that just wouldn't fly with us, like separate housing arrangements, unequal treatment of children, selfishness, abusive behavior, etc. and how we are opening ourselves up to this by inviting someone in. Then we talked about putting faces on our prospective wife as I have never seen the sister she has in mind I have to form my own visual images. I chose a image of this female poet that we just went and saw. She impressed me with her poetry and the way she carried herself. My wife told me that she had thought of this one sister from belize as well, but felt that their relationship could be different if she was closer to home.

The discussion then moved on to people that were available but would not fit into our paradigm. There is this one sister who is recently divorced from an abusive relationship. So she is single Muslim, but not covering at the moment, and has two children and is thinking about getting her tubes tied. However she is outside of the paradigm that we are looking for, her Islam as we see it is not what we are comfortable with at this time. Her parenting views are not in line with ours, and we feel that we would be doing it to save her. I expressed emphatically that I am not in the saving business. Reason being is that those mindsets are psychological and run very deep and people tend to gravitate back to what they know. Then there are habits that my wife knows about and I don't that kind of made me cringe when my wife let a few slip. I was like nah that's alright.

We were talking about the house because pretty much until now I have just been letting my wife surf the net for home plans, but I really feel that to get exactly what we want we need to design it ourselves. I was kind of thinking that it could be a group effort. This however rubs against my wife's concerns of how the children will take getting an extra mommy. My wife wants to ease into the situation for the children's sake. I can respect that position and I don't have any problem with it. She has in her eye a place with two master bedrooms with jack and jill style bathroom in between. She said that the women would share closets and right away my bell went off ding ding-ding warning. I don't think that will work. I think they should each have their own closet and I'll just keep my stuff in an armoire or something in each bedroom. We know that there are several elements that must be essential to the house. Our living quarters should allow for discreet cohabitation, I'm sure after the kids get older they won't care. There should be alot of sunlight coming in, I feel not to mention cut down energy costs. There should be a whirlpool tub in the master bath, secluded toilets, and hers and hers sinks, my wife was thinking a three sink arrangement but I really don't care about such things. All kid age groups and sexes should have their own room. Whoa that was scary my daughter just opened a hundred windows and I thought I lost this post. This post if further troubled by mounting sibling tension in the other room. Anyway their own rooms, then rooms for recreation and eating quarters that promotes community and efficiency. Sunlight that allows for views of both sunrises and sunsets hopefully unencumbered. Building a plan that places house on the lot that naturally aligns with the Qiblah (Prayer direction for Muslims). Finally for me a pool and a private garden off of the co-joined master bedrooms.

Chloe Sevigny is getting tired of being such a witch on Big Love. She says that she can empathize with people who claim that their role is killing them. It is funny to hear them interview though, immediately they all said that they couldn’t live that lifestyle but could see benefits in it. I wonder if the series goes on for five more years how they would view the whole situation. Honestly though I don’t think it can, because Roman Grant isn’t that captivating a villain and he’s not the youngest kitty on the block either. I think the writers will write a great first season and then trail off as the seasons go on. Then again maybe the fact of watching one guy interact with three women will keep the show captivating. Who knows at least the subject is out of the closet.

I ate this huge Gyro this evening. My wife would have hated it because it was full of huge chunks of meat it was great. I love gyros.

Beliefnet man is that place depressing. No wonder people are atheists. LOL. There was this post demeaning proponents of plural marriage. Of course the men they were citing were the kind that sneak around on their wives and then spring the topic on them after boning some chick for three months. Even I decry that kind of behavior I think any sane individual would.

My wife and I have been incredibly aroused lately. No doubt spurred on by the possibility of a second wife. She called her or the other way around this morning and they talked. She stated that she was trying to get back with her husband and make it work. We don’t know if it will seeing as how he is an abusive man, however we hope the best for her. My wife told her that she was just going to get the house already, and the sister said who knows.

I have memorized one more chapter from the Quran and I have been doing pretty good by my goal of memorizing a chapter a week. When the chapters get longer I will have to stretch that out a bit. Chapter Duha is next I have until Saturday to get it. I haven’t even started yet. Mostly because I have been reciting the others to ensure I actually remember them. Maybe I’ll stretch that one out until the end of next week.

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