The Pig and the Princess

As the hours wind down on this thing we called marriage if it can even be called that slipping into the last hours, months whatever of this union what is left is nothing to write home about. In the end I was certain of nothing. Honesty, effort, integrity, sincerity nothing, but between now and the signing there is one thing that there will be. Music, very loud music.

I was told so many things including 50% of the reason she was going back from whence she came was the comfort level of cleanliness of my place. So many reasons, back to back her fear or insincerity shining through in the end I don't truly know. For whatever reason it didn't work and I am not going to beat her down about it on my blog. It is over and in a few hours it will be signed and done.

As for myself trying to reconstitute a heart from an IDGAF attitude was more than daunting. I tried with what I had to give. 100% of 1 out of 1,000 is less than desirable when the remembered amount was 995 and I suppose we were both guilty of that. When there is genuine love there with out fear or frustration even a little works. Of course Allah says it best here:

2:265 (Y. Ali) And the likeness of those who spend their substance, seeking to please Allah and to strengthen their souls, is as a garden, high and fertile: heavy rain falls on it but makes it yield a double increase of harvest, and if it receives not Heavy rain<, light moisture sufficeth it. Allah seeth well whatever ye do.

I think that the key hurdle in this reconciliation was not my lack of trying but my lack of trying to restore my faith. Void of faith and connection with Allah that had so fed and protected me, this was simply impossible at this time. My heart was so cold and disconnected from my Lord that there was no way that I could respond to what my wife needed. At least not in the 14 days she was looking for it. Still I struggle with my Deen and Insha Allah I can get it back together.

I suppose my blog will go on and I am here for any advice anyone may want to indulge in. So my readers will be happy in that.

So stand by for some choice juicy tidbits of what my grocery list? I think not. However I will be here everyday saying something out of the side of my neck. If life doesn't get in the way. So here we go. I have some things to say though a lot of telling it like it is.