The Pendulum of Pain keeps on swinging

So I stop pushing it in her direction and all is good, but now it is swinging back in mine. Can we please stop with this game. I'm done, I quit if I just focus on Allah that will be it. I have my plans and I know what I am going to do and it will be either with or without her. I will vent my emotions here, but I will refrain from making any major decisions until I get home. Just like my parents said. Oh well I guess all is well that ends well. We will see what the deal is. I will ask when and if I finally get a call.

It doesn't get any stupider than this. I hurt you you hurt me back I hurt you you hurt me back. I disrespect you you do it back. Good grief, but no we don't want to call it quits because we love each other way too much. Maybe that is what is so fucked up about it. I am crazy head over heels in love with Sakinah and she is the same for me so I guess when we hurt each other it is always going to be like the Empire State building is falling on each other. Like superheroes battling. No we can't just throw fists we have to pick up whole factories and sling them half way around the world to peg someone in the chest with it. Mere mortals look out run for your lives. This is so stupid and childish I'm done. I will just pray and see what Allah has for me when I return home.