Monday, May 05, 2008

Pain upon Pain

It is just not going to stop. I had let go and was walking towards peace when I was suddenly duped and bombarded with an avalanche of pain. Where did this all come from and where is it all going.

8:53 "Because Allah will never change the grace which He hath bestowed on a people until they change what is in their (own) souls: and verily Allah is He Who heareth and knoweth (all things)."
Those words are so true. When we first got married I thanked Allah every single day for Sakinah and she did the same. We would pray Tahajjud in the night we went to all of the Islamic functions, we did charity, we fasted together. We were madly in love. Somehow that stopped I don't know if it was the stress of bills or of life but it stopped. Now we have been reduced to taking turns at swinging an ax into each others chest. Subhannallah.

I walk this path alone. I have given up the game. I can only take what she dumps on me out of her pain no doubt to get her point across. Now I am looking at being a single father of 6. Challenging I know. At least I won't have time to get depressed, Insha Allah. I hope my Mom can help me raise them and keep them involved in positive things. When life has you down like this you have to make a conscious decision not to get depressed otherwise all is lost. You have to keep your mind on the future. You have to make plans that are bright. You have to keep smiling, and keep your attitude light. You have to land on your feet and be ready to fight and allow your heart to forgive with the last of your might.

I have no tears today for those ducts have run dry, I have no more energy to sit mourn and cry. I have to keep focussed for the sake of my kids. I have to do it, I must. I am blessed and I am not alone I have not a bad duty station at least I am home. I reflect on pursuit of happyness and the sacrifices that he made. Insha Allah I can do the same, Allahu Alim. Life will go on. It always does whether you want it to or not. You can't get off the train.

Well peeps keep your head up, because surely someone has it worse off than you. I haven't been through half of what some of you have. I remember my whole marriage as being beautiful with only a few rough spots, these last 4 months being the worst. My wife sees it as these last 3 years so I guess there is a perspective to everything. Oh well such is life.

1 comment:

  1. Salaam Alaikum Muhammad,

    I still have hope that you will work your issues out but even if you did divorce, both of you should still seek to cooperate in the shared experience of raising your children, insha'Allah. I hope you will both figure out a way to do this.