Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Losing my blog

My blog appears to be dying a natural death. I figure no matter what happens between Sakinah and I there is a breadth of information that I am just not going to share. I am sad because I miss my blog. A lot of it too is that I have been very busy. Sadness is gone and a lot of other things are gone. Efforts of getting remarried have been shelved due to lack of interest on my part. They've emailed me but I haven't kept up the communications. I'm tired of relationships and so I am just floating on. She wants to get back and I entertain it, however the bridge has been engulfed by the river and other than the kids what is there really?

All that I can say is communication or rather the lack thereof is the cause of the demise in most relationships. People who aren't assertive about their feelings take this "they should know" stance at a lot of things and that only causes heartache. If you have a certain feeling about something let it be known. We do that now, but there is no feeling behind it. Then again I could be just smoking crack or her world is one that I am sad to say I just don't understand. Which is sad after so many years of marriage. The dynamics of reconciliation are littered with apathy on both sides. Once the reality of the break has set in you just look at things with different eyes. Everybody's flaws are out there and you no longer shield them because you love them from your own critique.

I am not here to talk about my marriage though, but here to talk about my blog. I am sad to see it neglected and left un-updated. That could possibly be for a number of reasons. My schedule is number one. Two is because I am in a spiritual limbo and don't really feel that I can represent the Deen or myself for that matter. So I have a number of unsaid actions that I would rather leave unsaid. So that contributes to the silence as well. I suppose it will go on this way until something breaks and my Deen returns to me, hopefully intact. Well we will see how I do.

2 comments:

  1. Brother,
    I do understand how you feel. Sometimes the issues in our life cause our deens to suffer! I say this to myself as well as to you, stay strong and hopeful Allah (swt) will guide us all on the right path! Take care!

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  2. I am sad to read this. It honestly hurts my heart to know that my bro's deen has been affected in a negative way. I will keep you in my dua's.

    BTW you know you are being tested from Allah. Allah says in Surat Al-Ankabut [29:2-3]

    2. Do men think that they will be left on saying “We believe” and that they will not be tested?

    3. We did test those before them and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false.
    ___________________

    But there is hope and don't fret or give up because help is on the way!

    Surat Al-Baqarah [2:214]

    214. “Or do you think that you shall enter the Garden (of Bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They encountered suffering and adversity and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried: ‘When (will come) the help of Allah? Ah, verily, the help of Allah is (always) near!”

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