Friday, February 29, 2008

Beleagered, Befuddled and Confused

It is the chorus of this song that is so striking and really speaks of the feelings that I am feeling right now. My heart has transcended my current condition and really lays on the line what is going on. Clear sight is coming back. Things are falling into place. It may not even be about Sakinah and myself. Allah's plan may be higher than this. I don't know all I can do is pray for enlightenment and brace myself for the tests to come. They are coming but I believe that with Allah's help all will be well.

This may have happened to bring people to Islam. It may have happened so that those who have witnessed will know what real love is. It may have happened because I promised some things to Allah and I have yet to do them and thusly I have been stripped of my material fears, for surely I will gladly accept any financial devastation if I can save my marriage. I would trade the world for my wife, and I am being tested in that. Our phone bill was over a grand, and normally I would go through the roof, but I honestly don't care. Other bills are backing up and I would trade all of my wealth to keep the precious jewel that Allah gave me when I made Tauba in the first place. You see when I made a sincere Tauba Allah gave me my wife and I have always cherished her as the only thing in my life that was sent specifically for me and I recieved so much happiness knowing that Allah gave her to me, but as a servant of Allah I must realize and submit to Inna lillahi wa Inna alayhe Rajeoon. From Allah we come and to Allah we must return. He gave me the gift and He can take it away from me at any time. It is and remains my responsibility to do what is right in all contexts of life. Thus this issue is moving to a higher plane of responsibility and although it is dire and tragic I have hope in Allah that He will make the very best of what has transpired. I love my wife with deep true love, but I must submit to the Will of Allah. Only He can save my marriage and only He can mend our hearts where they have been torn. I pray He does, and I pray that those who read these words will reflect.

Love is the sign of Isa. The world is devoid of love its time has come to replenish it.

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