Tauba (repentance) Is not a game!!!

You all know that I am experiencing tremendous emotional pain right now. However this is pain that is wrought at my own hands. I'm not going to go into details but I want to explain somethings so that when you make tauba in your own lives you can take to heart the gravity of those words and the price you pay for tossing them around capriciously.

I was going to give you a blow by blow but I will have to condense everything to the readers digest version. Basically when I got here I did something shameful for a Muslim man to do or any Muslim for that matter. Immediately I made Tauba for my actions. However I had no resolve and returned to this thing over and over again. This blinded me from the clear sight that Allah gives believers. I walked into a valley of harm and I could not see where I was. The fruits of my actions overflowed into every sphere of my life and now, my life is ruined, battered and devastated. It is healable but the pain and war wounds will remain as a testament of me playing around with tauba as if it were some passing fancy. I look and I see what my hands have wrought.

So people when you make tauba do it with sincerity and do not be conned by the Shaytan that you cannot go on because you really weren't serious. You have to hold fast. Had I done so I never would have gotten here. Insha Allah I have made Tauba again and I will not come near to that thing that I made Tauba about. I see clearly now the recompense for such foolishness. I give this to you as a warning for you and for myself. Do not treat Tauba as if it is a game and a roullette wheel, for the odds are with Allah and you can rest assured that you will lose.