Pining for Polygyny
Polygyny has been on my mind again as it sometimes will. At this point in my life, I am much further on and hopefully wiser than before. In an instance of self-reflection, I have always held myself as being responsible and going with the letter of the law concerning polygyny. In all of my marriages, I have made seven proposals in total. I have made the most in this marriage. Looking back on my state when I entered the marriage I don't think that anything would have survived. However, that could be wrong as the first two was probably an excellent pairing, my wife and the first sister. However, in self-reflecting I am asking myself now approaching 50 am I still wanting it for the reasons that I had previously. I think not. When I was younger I wanted to save the world. I didn't have the finances but I had the desire to create strong families with my wives. The sex was a motivator as well, but mostly I told myself it was all for the social good.
Now that I am older and more stable I am not in a rush of it but concerned in something that I wish that I had in my first two marriages, the ability to raise my children from the cradle to college. With the developments of my first marriage, I wasn't granted my kids until I was in this my third marriage and they were already older and on their way out. In my second marriage, my ex-wife uses the kids as a kind of control mechanism. That was until I stepped out of the madness and accepted that Allah will write their futures for them and things may yet change for them, but I will never get that time back. I have one grandchild now but she lives far away so it's not the same. My wife says that I should let it be and just leave it and travel with her throughout the world and yes that is a definite option and one that we will be doing. Though, I can't help what I feel that I've missed and in reality, I am probably like most fathers who live with their kids. Obligations of work and travel come into play and life happens so that you can't really be with your kids, but the dream of having them and raising them is all too prevalent.
Other concerns avail my mind concerning polygyny and that is the acquisition reality. After the honeymoon phase and life sets in and you actually do it then there is the craziness of everyday life that comes with that. The new car loses its luster after you sign for it, then it becomes a bill. Being wealthy enough to spoil my wives has always been my main concern. Pay for all of the basics and a few perks like travel, and such, but I wonder am I putting in as much as I could be putting into the marriage that I am in now. Can I do more, be more, love more, and dream more. I don't know, but I want to. Then however there is me and all of the things about myself that this relationship has made me realize about myself. At 50 I know much more about the person that I truly am then I thought I did at 30. Amazing.
Now that I am older and more stable I am not in a rush of it but concerned in something that I wish that I had in my first two marriages, the ability to raise my children from the cradle to college. With the developments of my first marriage, I wasn't granted my kids until I was in this my third marriage and they were already older and on their way out. In my second marriage, my ex-wife uses the kids as a kind of control mechanism. That was until I stepped out of the madness and accepted that Allah will write their futures for them and things may yet change for them, but I will never get that time back. I have one grandchild now but she lives far away so it's not the same. My wife says that I should let it be and just leave it and travel with her throughout the world and yes that is a definite option and one that we will be doing. Though, I can't help what I feel that I've missed and in reality, I am probably like most fathers who live with their kids. Obligations of work and travel come into play and life happens so that you can't really be with your kids, but the dream of having them and raising them is all too prevalent.
Other concerns avail my mind concerning polygyny and that is the acquisition reality. After the honeymoon phase and life sets in and you actually do it then there is the craziness of everyday life that comes with that. The new car loses its luster after you sign for it, then it becomes a bill. Being wealthy enough to spoil my wives has always been my main concern. Pay for all of the basics and a few perks like travel, and such, but I wonder am I putting in as much as I could be putting into the marriage that I am in now. Can I do more, be more, love more, and dream more. I don't know, but I want to. Then however there is me and all of the things about myself that this relationship has made me realize about myself. At 50 I know much more about the person that I truly am then I thought I did at 30. Amazing.
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