I have to start Blogging again.
Ah, I remember the days when it was just me and my keyboard and I would sit and type away my thoughts. I had so much support from the polygamous community of women who I would follow. Looking at their lives and the trials and tribulations that they would go through. Now after many years of silence, I am free to pick up this blog again. I don't know. I have six followers so I think that it is safe to say probably no one is going to find my little obscure blog on the edges of the internet.
So what is there to complain about? Nothing really my ex-wife is keeping my children out of spite I suppose. She's had my girls over half of the school year and is not educating them. That pisses me off, but ultimately it is their life. There are no laws in place to prevent your spouse from sitting your kids on the couch and feeding them bonbons or half-starving them. When your Ex uses your kids as an emotional rollercoaster for you, you have to make a decision to get off the ride and walk away. Insha Allah my kids will ultimately be fine and if not I'm a man and I can always get remarried at some point and have more kids and start all over again. Or have foster kids or adopt or something and just start all over again.
Anyway, life rolls on. So I'm remarried now I think I said that before in my intro or on another post. My marriage has survived four marriage proposals. The first was to someone before my marriage with my wife that I had already agreed to marry but that fell through. The second was a reconciliation with my ex that fell through gladly. The third was a sister from the masjid that I was in class with and the fourth was someone that I had previously considered. I think there was something about all of those failures that helped me learn more about myself.
I've learned that I am somewhat emotionally inept. My wife said that I could possibly be sociopathic but that doesn't fit me. I have only 2 possibly 3 of the 10 traits and I don't think that hardly qualifies me. Inability to be Emotionally Fluent though I think probably describes me very well. As an only child and as an adult I spend a lot of time by myself and as a result, I don't have many close interpersonal relationships. Close relationships with deep meaning, so I don't pick up on emotional clues very well. Neither in conversation nor in body language. So the result is that I come across as cold and insensitive at times. However many men have this same problem whether they had close interpersonal relationships or not. So maybe I'm just a normal man.
I volley between wanting a second or third wife to going full MGTOW at the next argument. I mean having an emotionally charged discourse with your wife is most disconcerting. However, it is necessary for growth, personally and within the relationship. This is why I both feel the need to endorse embarking on a polygynous marriage and just staying in the one I'm in. As I get older I tend to look more at the time I have left. I keep telling my wife I'm out of here at 65 win or lose, so that means I really only have 15 years left to do whatever I'm going to do with my life. So as I get older I feel that it would be unfair to marry again and pop out 6 more kids to then only have 15 years with them. However, since my first two marriages ended up in divorce and my current marriage will probably produce no children, we are the same age, I am probably out of options now.
Looking for a second wife would probably be the most difficult task. I have some benchmarks. One I'm not looking for anyone who can't stand on their own two feet should the relationship not pan out. I'm not a quitter in a relationship. My current relationship has had its fair share of trials and tribulations, but I recognize that there are pressures that necessitate calling it quits. Two, I must be attracted to her. If waiting this long to get married again and finally going into polygyny I'd like her to be cooling to my eyes and I to hers. Which is usually the case with women until their men piss them off. Three, she must be Muslim and practicing and sincere. I'd like someone to read Quran with, study with and go to Islamic functions with that wants to go to them. Four must want children. I feel robbed of the honor of raising my children the way I want to raise them and I really just want to start over even though all my kids aren't 18 yet. I have 3 little ones, teenagers now, but little ones that I see over the summers. Five will help me with my visions of leaving a legacy on this planet. That's all nothing much.
I don't know maybe restarting my blog is a connection to a fantasy that somewhere off in the deep recesses of the internet is a woman looking for someone reading this note over a cup of tea looking for someone to build a life with even if it is as a second or third wife. Though truthfully I think two wives is quite enough. I think that more than that is stretching it, but I wouldn't mind having 4 Kamala Harris' my wife is already on that level. With the arguments and emotional entanglements of those women, I would be practically invincible against the world. The debates that would come out of that union would leave me in a constant state of intellectual satisfaction. Wow!! I don't think I've told my wife that I have a crush on Kamala Harris. I love her mind. Intelligence is attractive I really like it. Anyway.
Another reason that I want to start blogging again is that it is the best way to get your words per day in. As I move on in my studies I realize that the quickest I was able to type out a four-page paper was when I was blogging. I swear to you if you blog every day a ten-page paper is peanuts. I am also planning to write a book and possibly a couple of movies so blogging will help me with that especially since no one will be reading my blogs. I used to have a good following.
So what is there to complain about? Nothing really my ex-wife is keeping my children out of spite I suppose. She's had my girls over half of the school year and is not educating them. That pisses me off, but ultimately it is their life. There are no laws in place to prevent your spouse from sitting your kids on the couch and feeding them bonbons or half-starving them. When your Ex uses your kids as an emotional rollercoaster for you, you have to make a decision to get off the ride and walk away. Insha Allah my kids will ultimately be fine and if not I'm a man and I can always get remarried at some point and have more kids and start all over again. Or have foster kids or adopt or something and just start all over again.
Anyway, life rolls on. So I'm remarried now I think I said that before in my intro or on another post. My marriage has survived four marriage proposals. The first was to someone before my marriage with my wife that I had already agreed to marry but that fell through. The second was a reconciliation with my ex that fell through gladly. The third was a sister from the masjid that I was in class with and the fourth was someone that I had previously considered. I think there was something about all of those failures that helped me learn more about myself.
I've learned that I am somewhat emotionally inept. My wife said that I could possibly be sociopathic but that doesn't fit me. I have only 2 possibly 3 of the 10 traits and I don't think that hardly qualifies me. Inability to be Emotionally Fluent though I think probably describes me very well. As an only child and as an adult I spend a lot of time by myself and as a result, I don't have many close interpersonal relationships. Close relationships with deep meaning, so I don't pick up on emotional clues very well. Neither in conversation nor in body language. So the result is that I come across as cold and insensitive at times. However many men have this same problem whether they had close interpersonal relationships or not. So maybe I'm just a normal man.
I volley between wanting a second or third wife to going full MGTOW at the next argument. I mean having an emotionally charged discourse with your wife is most disconcerting. However, it is necessary for growth, personally and within the relationship. This is why I both feel the need to endorse embarking on a polygynous marriage and just staying in the one I'm in. As I get older I tend to look more at the time I have left. I keep telling my wife I'm out of here at 65 win or lose, so that means I really only have 15 years left to do whatever I'm going to do with my life. So as I get older I feel that it would be unfair to marry again and pop out 6 more kids to then only have 15 years with them. However, since my first two marriages ended up in divorce and my current marriage will probably produce no children, we are the same age, I am probably out of options now.
Looking for a second wife would probably be the most difficult task. I have some benchmarks. One I'm not looking for anyone who can't stand on their own two feet should the relationship not pan out. I'm not a quitter in a relationship. My current relationship has had its fair share of trials and tribulations, but I recognize that there are pressures that necessitate calling it quits. Two, I must be attracted to her. If waiting this long to get married again and finally going into polygyny I'd like her to be cooling to my eyes and I to hers. Which is usually the case with women until their men piss them off. Three, she must be Muslim and practicing and sincere. I'd like someone to read Quran with, study with and go to Islamic functions with that wants to go to them. Four must want children. I feel robbed of the honor of raising my children the way I want to raise them and I really just want to start over even though all my kids aren't 18 yet. I have 3 little ones, teenagers now, but little ones that I see over the summers. Five will help me with my visions of leaving a legacy on this planet. That's all nothing much.
I don't know maybe restarting my blog is a connection to a fantasy that somewhere off in the deep recesses of the internet is a woman looking for someone reading this note over a cup of tea looking for someone to build a life with even if it is as a second or third wife. Though truthfully I think two wives is quite enough. I think that more than that is stretching it, but I wouldn't mind having 4 Kamala Harris' my wife is already on that level. With the arguments and emotional entanglements of those women, I would be practically invincible against the world. The debates that would come out of that union would leave me in a constant state of intellectual satisfaction. Wow!! I don't think I've told my wife that I have a crush on Kamala Harris. I love her mind. Intelligence is attractive I really like it. Anyway.
Another reason that I want to start blogging again is that it is the best way to get your words per day in. As I move on in my studies I realize that the quickest I was able to type out a four-page paper was when I was blogging. I swear to you if you blog every day a ten-page paper is peanuts. I am also planning to write a book and possibly a couple of movies so blogging will help me with that especially since no one will be reading my blogs. I used to have a good following.
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