Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Out of Character

Living out of character is the largest waste of time a person can have. I know that but yet I do what I do. Dating has its benefits but also its pitfalls. People get the wrong idea you transmit the wrong messages and feelings come into play yours and theirs. I'm not ready to get married again, but I'm not necessarily ready to be alone either. So things are what they are. I am a polygamist that I know is true, or is it. The one that I want to marry won't have it and I feel for her so, but is it infatuation or is it something deeper. The one in this community who is oh so cute is a new convert and has tons of energy and I want to absorb it and uplift her as well. I haven't said anything because I'm not trying to go there. Yet. So funny as the community is trying to marry us off already, I can only assume. I've been approached for marriage and I don't even know who it is. So funny, only in Islam (or traditional religions).

Then you get to a place where it is time to get out of the Dating game and live your deen and you don't have an exit strategy. Just don't call that is uncharacteristic, call up and cut it off, seems so harsh. Sometimes though that is what has to be done in order to keep focused on Allah. So I am at odds with myself with the verse who states "Have you seen the one who takes his lusts as his god" To do so violates everything that I believe in and as it sits is causing conflict inside of me. A horrible existence. In an ideal world I could have my two wives, but I think right now I need to learn how to put my nafs in check, and my Lord first.


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Location:Spencer Rd,Oakland,United States

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