Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Not really living life

Ok that is a pretty bold statement, but have you ever just sat and thought “I’m not living life; I’m just watching it go by”? That is how I feel. I think that if I was in charge of my life things would be moving along a whole lot differently. Of course there are things out of your control like natural calamities, circumstances that are out of your control immediately, like you work at McDonalds and you have Trump plaza bills. You need to spend money to make money and you have to spend more than you have. One step forward two steps back sort of thing. Like just now we learned that my wife’s grandmother has a mortgage payment due of $8000.00. Personally I believe that my wife can raise the money between her and her mom and stuff but still it is an expansive amount of cash to come up with. Like in the movie Elizabethtown “If it wasn’t this it would be something else.” Too much. So anyway back to what I was saying I’m just coasting along in life and I have been doing it for so long I don’t know if I have the prerequisite motivation to get out of the cycle. I am working on the diseases of my heart and this should help a great deal, but it is a daily struggle.

I suppose the first place that I should start is my relationships. Where they are and where I would like them to be. I would like to start with my relationship with my wife. I would really like to become her perfect husband I think that it is only fair seeing that she is the perfect wife. I have no complaints about my wife and her small character flaws can easily be overlooked. She’s very beautiful and she makes an effort to ensure that she, our children and our house reflect that beauty. She is a hard worker and a lovely person. Now the kind of husband I am is just a laid back kind of guy that gets really upset when I feel my authority is being challenged.

So this is the kind of husband I want to be. I envision myself as the kind of husband that takes the time to make dates with my wife. I mean really go out of my way to set up the venue and set the candles and everything. I would like (this is an impossible post by the way because all of my children are off the chain this evening, and now dinner is ready)

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