I'm Slippin

It has been a couple of days since I’ve posted. This is how it usually starts. I got the email thing down so I can post just by writing a email message and that is good. I think that will allow me to write easier than normal and it is less conspicuous when I write at work.

Sakina and I got into a beef last night. I suppose it was inevitable as we were both sleep deprived and cranky. We worked it out but she has concerns that our older daughter is having serious issues about what commitment is and how healthy are her views on marriage. I suppose all couples beef from time to time. Usually it is about something pretty benign. Our beef was about our daughter’s bedtime and her going to sleep in her bed and her being afraid. I was trying to put my daughter to sleep and she kept getting up and finally I put her in bed and demanded that she sleep, before I was in her room lying by her side. After that my wife allowed her to come out of her room. When I heard this I stormed out of the bathroom and slammed my bedroom door. Unfortunately this coincided with my daughter coming out of her room and it scared the bejezus out of her. This of course pissed my wife off, which was further fueled by the fact that I was angry and insensitive at the time. I did do something I don’t normally do which is communicating my feelings but nevertheless I was mad. She too was mad and so she didn’t come to bed last nightL. I apologized to her this morning I was going to do it last night but she was praying. Hopefully everything is boiled over now even though I’m still the mean insensitive daddy.

My wife is working now so of course she wants to spend her money. I had to explain our financial situation and the fact that I don’t have a problem with her spending her money. I just don’t want her to incur a recurring bill, because she isn’t always working. Anything could happen so that she doesn’t work. She says that if she gets pregnant again she will work through it but her cerclage I feel won’t let her do it. Furthermore I think that we would be devastated if she were to miscarry just for a few bucks. So I don’t want her risking it. She has put herself on the hook for paying her grandparents mortgage and their health insurance.  That’s is like $1200 a month plus she wants to put in hardwood floors, and a new porch and paint the house and I’m fine with that I just don’t want to commit to anything I can’t pay for with my own paycheck and not put us out. I know how spending money can be addictive, and I would actually prefer her working, only because I don’t make enough to buy her whatever she wants, but I can’t risk the rest of the house’s finances on an extra obligation that can’t be paid on a consistent basis by myself.

I’m trying to memorize Surah Al-Alaq I have about 12 Ayahs down good there are 19 in all I hope to get them on the way home today. When I know it I have to remember that there is a Sajda at the end of the surah. I know that the first time I recite the whole thing in Salat that my wife will wonder what is going on when I make Sajda and come back up and then go into Ruku.