Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Lying is Dying

Recently I have come into the realization that I am not the person who I am. I am not behaving in character and I am hurting. It hurts to lie to yourself and your Lord. I am all over the place. I recently told the woman that I love the truth about myself and what I have been doing in an effort to grow closer to her. It did not work out so well. When I came out here I told myself that I was going to be a whore and sleep with all kinds of women and live the life. I quickly found out that I can’t I really can’t live that life. Some people can however I can’t. It has nothing about the life that I want to live in it. Embarking on it as a journey was a mistake. I have lost the woman that I love, but even in that I have learned so possibly it is not all in vain. I have grown and I have learned the true nature of what it takes to be a polygamist. Honesty and straightforwardness at all times is of the utmost otherwise you are untrustworthy. You must be very firm and true in word and deed. Lying cannot be tolerated under any circumstance.

 

When I began on this journey I sought to rack up some disposable relationships however that doesn’t make sense to my soul. So I must drop that platform. What I must do though is seek to become vulnerable in more of my relationships and trust that those relationships will be successful. While I am with the woman that I’m with I keep remembering the ayat you may not want a wife but through that wife receive much good. I don’t know where it is, but it is solidified in my mind. I am a polygamist this is true and I am not going to deny it. It is a lifestyle that I want. I don’t know how it will unfurl into reality, but I know that I must not compromise my beliefs, nor submit to my nafs. So I have come to a cross roads and now I pick up my stick to walk again. I am no longer going to wallow in loss, but cherish what I have learned and seek the blessings that my Lord has set aside for me.

 

Thus my journey to self discovery begins… Watch me…

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